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TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 28/04/2015 - SMITE Neith

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by Hank East, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. Hank East

    Hank East Swell Supporter

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    'Tis my first non-request thread, so sorry if I don't write this in the most optimal way.

    Minecraft Creeper/Super creeper(loader)

    The story: You are a normal citizen of the minecraft world, a mere simple miner. One day you overextend your explorations, and find yourself in a corner with no resources and a creeper right outside! But to your surprise, this creeper doesn't seem to want to explode on your face...
    For use with Dante's Creeper and Super Creeper mods. Found here:Undertow Is Live | Undertow

    Load the 2nd code and Super Creeper code after the 3rd ejaculation.

    Code:
    charName:MC Creeper;mood:Happy;bodyScale:1;arms:onhislegs,onhislegs;throatResist:50;hair:sdchan,1,1;iris:normal,131,136,31,1;breasts:50;skin:light;nose:normal;ear:normal;lipstick:0,0,0,0,0;eyeshadow:124,0,0,0.616;sclera:255,255,255,1;blush:196,80,77,0.35;freckles:60,24,24,0.8,0;mascara:0,0,0,1,20;nailpolish:0,0,0,0;eyebrow:normal,205,79,31,1,87,57,31,1;hairhsl:0,1,1,1;skinhsl:0,1,1,1;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:3;hisBody:male;hisPenis:1,1.2,1.2;balls:1,1.164;hisSkin:0;hisTop:shirt,63,176,162,1;hisBottoms:slacks,0,26,79,1;hisFootwear:loafers,82,0,6,1;collar:none,0,0,0,1,221,0,0,1;cuffs:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:none,33,3,0,1;top:none,255,255,255,1;armwear:none,255,255,255,1;legwear:none,62,52,50,1,0,0,0,1;footwear:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;tonguePiercing:none,183,187,195,1;herTan:none,0
    Code:
    charName:MC Super Creeper;mood:Happy;bodyScale:1;arms:onhislegs,onhislegs;throatResist:36.4931;hair:sdchan,1,1;iris:normal,134,39,29,1;breasts:50;skin:light;nose:normal;ear:normal;lipstick:0,0,0,0,0;eyeshadow:124,0,0,0.616;sclera:255,255,255,1;blush:196,80,77,0.35;freckles:60,24,24,0.8,0;mascara:0,0,0,1,20;nailpolish:0,0,0,0;eyebrow:normal,180,253,254,1,87,57,31,1;hairhsl:0,1,1,1;skinhsl:0,1,1,1;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:3;hisBody:male;hisPenis:1,1.2,1.2;balls:1,1.156;hisSkin:0;hisTop:shirt,63,176,162,1;hisBottoms:slacks,0,26,79,1;hisFootwear:loafers,82,0,6,1;collar:none,0,0,0,1,221,0,0,1;cuffs:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:none,33,3,0,1;top:none,255,255,255,1;armwear:none,255,255,255,1;legwear:none,62,52,50,1,0,0,0,1;footwear:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;tonguePiercing:none,183,187,195,1;herTan:none,0
    View attachment MC-Creeper dialogue V1.txt


    SMITE - Neith (Loader dialogue, credit to Zielman for a few lines)

    [​IMG]


    The Plot: Neith has run into a depressed lane minion and can only think of one way to cheer him up...


    Required stuff

    walkeroftheocean's Neith mod: Undertow Is Live | Undertow
    Dialogue actions: Undertow Is Live | Undertow

    Optional stuff:

    Dante's 300 Spartan HIM: Undertow Is Live | Undertow
    Background: http://i1179.photobucket.com/albums/x390/PZZP22/d288bdb6-e555-4eae-967d-a98d6a32cbb7_zpsorpevmv4.jpg

    View attachment NeithDia.txt
     

    Attached Files:

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2015
  2. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

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    Re: TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 21/09/14 - MC Creeper

    262 issues when checking with the DialogueChecker (link in signature).

    Looking through them, you've forgot to declare the "sub" variable in initial_settings.
    You've got a couple grammar issues, a couple lines where you use "*HIM thinking" for which you can use a variable "star":"*" to make the checker shut up...

    The grammar issues are mostly sentence endings (Hey!. = double sentence ending = bad), and use of triggers as words ("[SHOCK] Really" prints " Really"... with a space in front).

    You're using "first_dp" as a line... SDT has first_dt, but it doesn't trigger often (only once). That's where most of your line usage issues come from.

    Lastly you have a couple colons in there, you can replace those with %3A.

    Issue list, without grammar or variables issues:
    Dialogue was checked in 108 ms with v2.15 of the DialogueChecker.
    I found 13 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 9 were major issues, and 4 were minor issues.

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 8, col 55. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 8: intro:"[HIDE_PENIS][HIDE_BALLS][ARMS_LEGS] Him thinking: I'm done for....I'm trapped, I ran out of resources and I saw a Creeper right around the corner...Guess there's no point in delaying the inevitable...[intro1]"{"style":"Him"}

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 14, col 22. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 14: intro6:" *Him thinking: Hmm....she looks pretty humanoid...and she's really hot...Heheheheh...Him talking:Yes, there is! You see, you really look like a female human, and there's this thing female humans do to male humans called a 'blowjob'. I'd like it if you gave me one [intro7]"{"style":"Him"}

    Syntax - Major: An uneven amount of asterisks was found on line 14. This could indicate a coding error.
    Line 14: intro6:" *Him thinking: Hmm....she looks pretty humanoid...and she's really hot...Heheheheh...Him talking:Yes, there is! You see, you really look like a female human, and there's this thing female humans do to male humans called a 'blowjob'. I'd like it if you gave me one [intro7]"{"style":"Him"}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 15 is unused!
    Line 15: intro7:" 'Blowjob' I've never heard of it...[intro8]"

    Line Usage - Major: Line 134 is unused!
    Line 134: cum_In_mouth:"ZAAAAAP![SHOCK] Ah! I-i-is it sssupposed to sssting like this!?[cum1]"{"check":{"sub":1}}

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 248, col 22. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 248: act2cum4:"Him thinking: Wow, I made her completely crazy for my cock! Today is the luckiest day of my life!Him talking: Okay, I'm not holding back now![FACE_FUCK_STYLE] I'll explode all over you soon enough..."{"check":{"sub":2},"set":{"sub":3}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 281 is unused!
    Line 281: first_dp:"Ah...that feels ssso good!"{"check":{"sub":3}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 282 is unused!
    Line 282: first_dp:"Did you like that? Because I LOVED it!"{"check":{"sub":3}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 283 is unused!
    Line 283: first_dp:"It feels so right to have it there deep inssside..."{"check":{"sub":3}}

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 319, col 119. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 319: act3cum3:"[OPEN_EYES][HAPPY_MOOD] Ah.....Ah.....I've never felt pleasssure like that my entire life! Alow me to explain: When a Creeper reaches the point of absssolute pleasure, they become super charged! This usssually happens when we get ssstruck by lightning, but it seems you humans' white ssstuff has the same effect![act3cum4]"{"check":{"sub":3}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 361 is unused!
    Line 361: first_dp:"Yesss! We've hit bedrock!"{"check":{"sub":4}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 362 is unused!
    Line 362: first_dp:"I never doubted your diamond cock!"{"check":{"sub":4}}

    Line Usage - Major: Line 363 is unused!
    Line 363: first_dp:"You like it too, don't you? We have until the sun rises to continue and do more..."{"check":{"sub":4}}

    Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.
     
  3. Hank East

    Hank East Swell Supporter

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    Re: TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 21/09/14 - MC Creeper

    Oops, I mixed the T with P...

    Thanks, this was my first dialogue so I'm still learning. I'll upload a fixed version as soon as I can.
     
  4. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

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    Re: TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 21/09/14 - MC Creeper

    To be honest, writing a dialogue without using the DialogueChecker is like writing a letter or an email without a spell checker. You did pretty okay.

    Another thing I might add is that you could be better off with
    general:"[general*sub*]"

    This removes the checks from each general line. (beware, you have general1, general2 and general3 as lines).

    When writing line attributes, add a space between the line content (linename:"line content" {"lineattribute":"value"}). It doesn't affect SDT but makes it far more readable.
     
  5. Hank East

    Hank East Swell Supporter

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    Re: TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 21/09/14 - MC Creeper

    Can I make a few questions? What are the initial_setting for, exactly? And why do lines 15 and 134 not work?
     
  6. aztlan

    aztlan Swell Supporter

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    Re: TheCrimsonFuckr's Dialogues - 21/09/14 - MC Creeper

    My understanding is that initial settings is used to give the default value to any new variable you are creating.

    I would suspect your dialogue needs something like:

    initial_settings:{"sub":0}

    or whatever value you want to give before you run through the intro and set it to 1.

    I think (but am by no means sure) that all custom variables need to be declared and given an initial value in initial_settings.

    EDIT----

    Since line 14 failed, you could never call intro7 and thus line 15 was never used. Once you fix line 14 it should be fine (I think).

    Line 134 is never called because you use cum_In_mouth rather than cum_in_mouth - these are usually case sensitive. SDT was looking for another line with [cum_In_mouth] to call line 134 but did not find it so line 134 is not sued.
     
  7. Hank East

    Hank East Swell Supporter

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    UPDATED - Neith dialogue.
     
  8. Zielman

    Zielman Avid Affiliate Content Creator

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    Neith HYPE! I said it in a PM and I'll say it here: great dialogue, always stayed in character, it's equally funny and sexy and just fun to play with. Good job with that! ;)