Schoolgirl (1 Viewer)

[CatFish]

This is my first dialogue guys. Please give me you views on it. Thanks =3

Edit 1:

I have changed the dialogue to a more schoolgirlish one and fixed most grammatical errors. =3

 

[froggie]

Other than a few spelling and punctuation errors, it's very good!


(If you'd like, I could send you my corrected one so you can compare.)

 

[booster]

to be honest: i think it's pretty boring. "schoolgirl" has a lot of potential, but your lines where just short monologues we all read a hundred times before. they indicate nearly nowhere that she is a schoolgirl and what the situation is.

sorry i don't want to be mean, but that's my point.

 

[CatFish]

Ye i know it was a bit bad, I made in 20 mins so I didn't have much time. Ill make some improvements today and see where it gets me. =3