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GloryHole dialogue

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by valley, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. valley

    valley Potential Patron

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    Hi!
    here it is the dialogue that works with the background that I'v alrady post and you can found here:
    http://superdeepthroat.ryonani.com/index.php?topic=2060.0

    It's about an "innocente" girl at here first work day at the gloryhole!

     

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  2. zzaapp002

    zzaapp002 Club Regular

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    Good work man! On this and the background! If you size the breasts right; they stop just at the wall. Perfect!

    Also, I figured your dialogue was a good one to look at for pointers for any I might make.

    In doing so I found some typos and weird text errors. (Like E'). I fixed those up and started tweaking the text a bit for tenses and grammar. (Sorry I used to work as a not-so-great proof-reader long ago and far away).

    I then started tweaking some of the dialogue itself. Couldn't help myself. I added some "history" for her. (Some Daddy issues that may have led her down the path to the Glory Hole job). She also grows to like things a bit more towards the end.

    Is it cool if I post the edited / tweaked version here with credit to you?
     
  3. booster

    booster Avid Affiliate

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    since there are a lot of errors in it, thus unusable: yes :P
     
  4. valley

    valley Potential Patron

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    yes, of course you can!
    sorry for the mistakes, but I'm italian, and I know my english isn't vary good.. :S
    if you have done some corrections better for all!

    (and honestly I really don't know why sometimes appears these E')
     
  5. zzaapp002

    zzaapp002 Club Regular

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    Hey Valley, your English is much better than half of the people I know so don't worry too much.

    And so here is Glory Hole, the Phantom Edit! Feel free to comment, edit, etc.

    This is my first time here messing with a script here. Timing is a little off so any pointers are welcome.

    Works well if you swap self to hard and back again as you like.
     

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  6. valley

    valley Potential Patron

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    thanks man, now it works good! I jist switched some finals "nrmal mode" into "happy mode" when she starts enjoying it
     
  7. zzaapp002

    zzaapp002 Club Regular

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    Cool, glad it worked out!
     
  8. hornychief

    hornychief Potential Patron

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    Second Dialogue made me lol ;D
     
  9. Morgue

    Morgue Guest

    Hi.. I am new to the site.. and I like the GLORYHOLE background and dialogue that was posted... I am going to add another gloryhole dialogue here in a few day dealing with a blindfolded black wife thinking that she is sucking off her husband's cock for his birthday fantasy... when really she will be sucking off a stranger's cock (yours) and I will be adding other stuff to it as well....
     

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