First Dialogue (1 Viewer)

[Zero 7]

So I figured I'd give the custom dialogue thing a try and here's what I finished and yes, it's not that great ( it may very well suck ) but I decided to upload it anyway just for the hell of it. Like it or hate it I guess cause I know you won't love it. I'll put more effort into my next one so try not to bash it too hard.

 

[HentaiBob]

Not bad, I like it :)

Here are some little things you probably want to fix ;)

1) general:"YOUR" cock is making *ME* so hot."
-- One quotation mark too much and you miss the *

2) general:"Can *ME* use her brests *ME*? She loves the way your cock feels between them."
-- breasts

3) general:"Can *ME* use her brests *ME*? She loves the way your cock feels between them."
-- shouldn't it be *YOU* ?

4) vigorous:"keep fucking *MY* throat *YOU*!"
-- Keep ?

5) wake:"*ME* is sorry she passed out *YOU*,she promises it won't happen again."
-- You missed one empty space out

6) cum_on_face:"Can *ME* taste in next time *YOU*?"
-- "... taste it ..." ?

7) cum_in_throat:"More, yes?
-- You missed the last quotation mark

8 ) cum_in_throat:"more... more cum *YOU*."
-- More ?

9) finish1:"Once isn't enoughis it *YOU*?
-- enough is

10) finish1:"Once isn't enoughis it *YOU*?
-- Again the last quotation mark ;)


I think this is a very solid first dialogue and a very good start (if you consider to continue) :D
Keep it up!
:)

 

[Zero 7]

Thanks for the tips.

 

[AaRL]

Well for one, you could add triggers like arm movements and emotions. You just have one line that contains any triggers...