Discussion in 'Fiction' started by endofallthings, Mar 4, 2013.
Absolutely exquisite. This story was relentless, intense and a thing of pure beauty.
In between her screams, Wonder Woman could only stutter "But...but...they're indestructible!"
A heartbroken sob erupted from Wonder Woman - she had nothing left.
Diana's eyes were so wide and the tears now streaming off them evaporated and steamed off her face. Her gold tiara began to melt and the liquid metal dribbled into her hair and ran over her face.
Coupled with the gorgeous rendition of Wonder Woman at the top of the page, the impact of the writing was unforgettable. Imagining this physically flawless, gorgeous superheroine facing down her own mortality. She lacks the comforting reassurance that the antagonist's victory was achieved through underhanded means, forcing her to come to grips with her own evident inferiority. The fact that when it mattered most, she was utterly outdone and outclassed, and now she's going to be dealing with the repercussions, for eternity, stripped of the trinkets that were her power source, her comfortable and heroic life a fading memory. This powerful and gorgeous woman dressing up so ornately, beautifully, and provocatively before a fucking battle only to get her fat ass handed to her. Dressing up in gorgeous and ornate regalia before battle only to get utterly defeated. Immaculate symbolic uniform soiled and torn.
Unwavering sense of morals. Confident. Gorgeous. Now laying graceless and spreadeagled on her back, stripped of all her poise. Particularly delicious was how pathetic her effort was. The fact that this haughty cunt was taken down with a single blow. Amazing. And then to have her fucked, ensuring the ultimate psychological blow. I love fiction where the Wonder Woman character undergoes some sort of comeuppance, and I've always been a huge fan of the idea of her being this virginal warrior without any male sexual partners. In my ideal scenario, her defeat is capped off by sexual intercourse, which breaks her psychologically and utterly strips her powers away. Obviously she was powerless from the get-go, here, but I hope to one day write a story where the earth's destruction isn't in the background and Diana has to come to grips with the horrifying emotional reality of having her powers fucked away. The prospect of being consigned to live the rest of her life being defined by this utter defeat that irrevocably sapped her superpowers, to finally give in to the patriarchy and see what it truly means to live as a woman in man's world and think back tragically on how she used to be able to define herself.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I didn't read your Mass Effect story because of an unfamiliarity with the source material, but I want to welcome you to our community here and let you know how much I enjoyed this story. Feel free to uh, write a piece focusing on Chun Li, Psylocke, Lara Croft, Supergirl, Lita from WWE, or any of my other assorted fictional female fixations, haha. :in love:
Wow! That's the best feedback I've had so far...thank you so much...it is *really* nice to get feedback on the stories you write [I need to give more feedback too!].
I suspect our tastes in ryona might be quite similar...
I love your idea of another narrative where Wonder Woman has to live with the trauma of her defeat - I'd read that in a heartbeat!
Lara Croft and Supergirl are on my to...eh...'do' list, don't worry about that...
Only one comment, as detailed as that comment was, does not do this story justice. I'm not all the way through yet (I read it in multiple sittings because the computer screen hurts my eyes if I stare too long) but it's been great. The beginning really set the mood, starting with the beautiful pic of WW where you can see confidence and badassery steaming out of her.
Then the story begins, and Superman getting owned (not to mention the mountains of dead superhero bodies) establishes the baddie as a worthy foe. Not too many details about the exact fight but that is perfect. We don't see Superman getting destroyed, we just KNOW that the monster destroyed him without breaking a sweat and now WW is SCREWED. I don't like reading about male characters getting crushed, but the way you do it here is great and adds so much to what's to come.
And what's to come.... oh man... let's just say the buildup (featuring males being dominated) was completely worth it. WW just goes from "I'm gonna destroy you" to "Holy hell how do I win?" to "wtf I have absolutely no shot" to "PLEEEEASE STOP." Everything just develops and layers on top of one another. I'm happy with stories where the woman just gets mauled and tortured over and over again, but the way you build everything up is really great.
I've become an instant fan. I didn't read the femshep one because as much as I like ME, femshep just doesn't do it for me as far as ryona is concerned but this story will convince me to go back and check it out.
Can't wait for your supergirl story. Also out of curiosity, do you plan on making up your own heroine? That would be pretty interesting. I know you'd have to develop her, and as a reader we'll need to take some time to learn about her which may slow down the kickassery, so the "startup cost" would be higher, but it would be interesting to have complete freedom of the universe
Thanks neosushi for the brilliant compliments and comments...sorry I haven't replied sooner...real life has been crazy and I must have missed this thread updating!
I'm totally with you in regards to not liking male characters getting beaten etc - but I think it works when it's done to set up the atmosphere/risks/hurt for the main female protagonist.
I'm still working on my pacing - as I'm not sure whether the story needs quite as much 'build up' as it has...but I'm glad you liked it.
I'd be really interested to hear your comments on my femShep story - it was the first I ever wrote (this is my second).
I have thought about original characters - but as I'm still learning how to write fiction, I'm currently sticking with known people. You're right that a known character gives you a 'shortcut' into people's heads for character description/motivation etc.
Supergirl is still on my agenda - as is femshep story number two (planning on something different there as I'm aiming to commission some art to integrate with the narrative...it's worth a try!)
...now real life just needs to calm down so I can have time to write! [I also did a very short/quick Buffy the Vampire Slayer contribution to the 'Punishment Series' thread if you're interested...]
Good stuff, though I am of two minds about it, in some ways. It's very well-written, very brutal, very detailed - you do a great job setting up the scene and slowly building to the climax, breaking Wonder Woman down.
If I had to throw in one, single nitpick, it's that I have a hard time imagining Wonder Woman ever begging for her life, just as part of her character as a warrior. It could just be me, I'm starting to find that, as I read stories here, that does occasionally bother me, when a character who I'd never imagine begging does - I am a big Wonder Woman fan, as well, so maybe it strikes me more than most.
Still, it's a minor quibble that I can get over.
Hey there - thanks for the feedback.
For me....the psychological breaking of the person is just as (if not more) important that the physical aspect. I do take the point that Wonder Woman's character is a strong warrior. I kinda hoped that the brutalization, followed by the sexual assault, followed by the promise of eternal torment might sell *even* Diana breaking. However, I totally get that it might be a stretch too far given her character...
Just curious as to why this was deleted. Is it due to some sort of copywright infringement or something else? Whatever the reason I'm sorry I missed it, some pretty high praise here. Plus I'm a huge Wonder Woman fan (ryona wise, anyway).
All his posts are gone. I'm assuming he made the mistake of using a similar username in the real world and was fearful of being exposed.
Oh... definitely understandable. The very reason I'll never 'like' or follow ryonani on facebook.
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