1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Down And Out Stripper

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by Brock B Bombin, Mar 5, 2013.

  1. Brock B Bombin

    Brock B Bombin Potential Patron

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just saw this awesome strip club background and was inspired to make a dialogue. Any support?
     
  2. Synonymous

    Synonymous Content Creator

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2012
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    34
    Background? Where.
     
  3. Brock B Bombin

    Brock B Bombin Potential Patron

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Forgot where I found it lol ;D But here it is
     

    Attached Files:

  4. astounded

    astounded Avid Affiliate

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    6
    Looking forward to the the new story to go with the background I shared. Include your char codes too for extra appreciation.
     
  5. Brock B Bombin

    Brock B Bombin Potential Patron

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Here it is I present...... THE DOWN AND OUT STRIPPER!!!! The stripper is a student attending college. She makes tuition by exposing her body to strangers. However,her classes now need more and more books. She cant afford it and has to plead to her boss for extra shifts. Will she became a successful student or will she become part of the lust she has become accustomed to?

    This is an original character I made based off a girlfriend at the time. So take care of her. PSYCH!!!! ;D She was a bitch so do as you want. 8)

    Here's the code
    mood:Ahegao;bodyScale:0.95;arms:loose;throatResist:79;hair:misato,1,1,1;iris:swirl,66,141,179,1;breasts:74;skin:dark;nose:pointed;ear:normal;lipstick:1,255,255,255,1;eyeshadow:0,255,255,1;sclera:255,255,255,1;blush:255,48,109,0.463;freckles:255,48,109,0,100;mascara:0,66,137,1,100;nailpolish:0,145,0,1;eyebrow:normal,33,33,51,1,30,19,19,1;hairhsl:0,0,1.28,1;skinhsl:0,1,1.5,0.97;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:4;hisBody:male;hisPenis:1,1.2,1.2;balls:1,1.036;hisSkin:1;hisTop:shirt,27,29,29,1;hisBottoms:slacks,0,26,114,1;hisFootwear:loafers,0,0,0,1;collar:none,0,0,255,1,232,240,255,1;cuffs:shirt,255,255,255,1,255,167,188,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:none,255,255,255,1;top:bikini,106,249,178,1;armwear:none,0,0,0,1;bottoms:boyshorts,105,251,178,1,255,255,255,1;legwear:rightgarter,255,255,255,0.8,0,0,235,1;legwearB:stripedshortsock,255,255,255,0.8,74,245,227,0.902;footwear:highheel,255,255,255,1,63,253,255,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:none,24,24,24,1,255,255,255,1;tonguePiercing:double,255,129,0,1;nipplePiercing:ring,0,255,255,1;bellyPiercing:gem,183,0,195,1;earring:ring,135,46,255,1;herTan:none,0
     

    Attached Files:

  6. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    779
    Likes Received:
    98
    There's a lot of lines jumping to the Ahegao mood, and you're missing some comma's here and there.
    Aside from that, you seem to be having a couple grammatical errors...

    I fixed them for you (grammatical errors and missing comma's).
    As for her mood, you'll have to find that balance yourself.

    There were some style things I changed, though:

    pre_cum:"Yea. Get ready bitch its about to go down."
    to
    pre_cum:"Yea. Get ready bitch it's about to go down."{"style":"Him"}

    head_grabbed:"Well show me than, bitch!"{"style":"Him","next":"head_grabbed"}
    to
    head_grabbed:"Well show me then, bitch!"{"style":"Him"}
    (otherwise, infinite loop)

    And I also doubt your style of next usage in general...
    general:"*YOU*, you taste sooooo good!"{"next":"lick_penis","mood":"Ahegao"} //missing lick_penis dialogue line
    general:"Get used to the taste. You'll be here for a while."{"style":"Him","mood":"Ahegao","next":"pull_off"} //missing pull off line
    intro:"Well for one I am willing to do ANYTHING for this spot."{"next":"swallow"} //swallow lines are there, but they seem weird to be said at the start,
    //I had her opening up with this line, followed with "I'm so full." despite not even having touched his cock yet.

    hmm

    Your style in general seems like you intend the game to play the lines in a certain order as seen here
    intro:"Well for one I am willing to do ANYTHING for this spot."{"next":"swallow"}
    intro:"Anything, huh?"{"style":"Him"}
    intro:"Yes ANYTHING *YOU*."{"mood":"Ahegao"}
    and here
    pre_cum:"Are you almost there *YOU*?"{"mood":"Ahegao"}
    pre_cum:"Yea. Get ready bitch it's about to go down."{"style":"Him"}

    to pull this off, you should label them differently, like so:
    intro:"Well for one I am willing to do ANYTHING for this spot."{"next":"introA1"}
    introA1:"Anything, huh?"{"style":"Him", "next":"introA2"}
    introA2:"Yes ANYTHING *YOU*."{"mood":"Ahegao"}

    I'm sorry if this post seems a bit condescending, I just want to help you understand why these things are wrong so that you will improve and continue to write dialogues like these and others.

    Lastly: to add " in dialogue, use %22.
    resistance:"It's alright but you will have to go more ""in depth""."{"style":"Him"}
    to
    resistance:"It's alright but you will have to go more %22in depth%22."{"style":"Him"}
     

    Attached Files:

  7. Brock B Bombin

    Brock B Bombin Potential Patron

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks bro. Much props. Hard out here for a pimp I clearly see it need much needed revision.
     
  8. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    779
    Likes Received:
    98
    May I suggest putting the character code, dialogue and background image in your first post of this thread? That way things will be more organized and people can get a full overview in one go.
     
  9. Brock B Bombin

    Brock B Bombin Potential Patron

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    If that's what the people want. However, I just ask if anyone would like to see a certain dialogue done. If so then I begin working on it. That's why the dialogue code and background aren't in the first post.