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NZ's first Dialogue

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by NearZero, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. NearZero

    NearZero Potential Patron

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    Well.. I don't really have much to say. Lurked for a while and posted little but felt the need to contribute a little. I'm no good in the ways of drawing hair or modding, so I figured Dialogue was the best I could do.. and I'm not even sure I did that well. Any and all feedback is appreciated! I want to get better at this. A good short description of it is that she's an eager girl ready to suck on you. Basic stuff, really, I think. But er... Enjoy!
     

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  2. Slingerbult

    Slingerbult Casual Client Content Creator

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    New dialogue writers is just what we need! I skimmed through the dia and noticed you're not using a few common line types like pull_off and general - was this intentional? Also, it seems (from what she says) you're confusing first_dt with first_throat. First_throat is triggered when the cock only goes slightly deeper than with resistance. First_dt is the first time she actually deepthroats the whole thing (only displayed once, at that time).

    Did you have a chance to read the new Dialogue Guide yet? I'd love to have some feedback on it from a new writer who's just starting out - was it understandable, too simple, too advanced, did it teach something you could use to make better dias etc. Please let me know! :)
     
  3. NearZero

    NearZero Potential Patron

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    Oh, I see, thanks for the tips.. I did try reading through the whole thing and I had a bit of trouble understanding some of it. It seemed a bit complicated to me (though I can't speak for everyone who read it.)
     
  4. AaRL

    AaRL Swell Supporter

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    There are plenty of dialogues around here to choose from. Download some and just read them. Get some ideas from other peoples work. When I have a block, I return to older dialogues I've written (and others) and reuse/re work some older lines. A few days come and go and I return to the dialogue to change it once again. Also, you should really add some triggers. To show you what I mean, below is your first few dialogue lines:

    wake:"Ass..."
    wake:"Wh..what happened?"
    vigorous:"I don't know how long I can keep this up.. but I need his cum.."{"style":"Thought"}
    vigorous:"Mm, you like this huh?"
    vigorous:"That's it, keep me sucking on your cock."

    and now we add some triggers...

    wake:"[SHOCK][LOOK_UP][BLINK]Ass..."
    wake:"[SHOCK]Wh..what [LOOK_UP][BLINK]happened?"
    (to show more like the girl is waking up and is surprised to find out what happened)

    vigorous:"I don't know how long [COUGH][ADD_TEARS]I can keep this up.. [HAPPY_MOOD][LOOK_UP][BLINK]but I need his cum.."{"style":"Thought"}
    vigorous:"[HAPPY_MOOD]Mm, [LOOK_UP][BLINK][ARMS_HIS_LEGS]you like this huh?"
    vigorous:"That's it, [HAPPY_MOOD][LOOK_UP][BLINK][SWALLOW]keep me sucking on your cock."
    (You would want to add moods to show the girl is enjoying or disliking the actions being done to her. Also, Im sure you've seen a porn clip or dozen. You know a girl would tear up during a 'vigorous' session. This is why I added the tears to emulate real life)

    But above all, download and review other peoples work to get ideas and to see the style or writing. Not just context. Triggers are the key my friend.