Bru Helm - A Matt Helm Parody

Drizzt78

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Mar 13, 2011
Another story that was erased from the internet but saved on my drive. No sequels as far as I know, sadly.

"At the lovely Victoria's request, here is the original Bru Helm story

I arrived back to my luxury penthouse apartment tired, it had been a long day back at headquarters. It was hard to believe that only that morning, I had been persuaded to come out of retirement by the beautiful Agent China Doll. I laughed to myself as I recalled how eager she was to bring me back to the Agency, at first she tried appealing to my sense of duty and honour; she appeared mildly irritated that her patriotic speech didn’t work on me, there was a time when it would have but I had become to cynical over the years to believe the propaganda and hype used to inspire younger and inexperienced Agents. China was not about to give up though, she then tried sex to persuade me, while it was enjoyable I pointed out as we lay together in bed all hot, sweaty and naked, that she hadn’t changed my mind. She was furious! It was only when she mentioned The Amazon Queen that she touched a nerve and I agreed to return. I wasn’t coming back for my country, nor for sex with a gorgeous young woman, I was coming back to the Agency for revenge, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t miss her, or that I didn’t think of killing the Amazon Queen for taking her away for me. It had been three years but even now the mere thought of her caused a pang of grief and loss deep in my heart. Nobody knew just who the mysterious Amazon Queen really was, all I knew is she was beautiful, smart and she was responsible for me losing the most precious thing in my life, my Aston Martin DB5.

The Director had greeted me enthusiastically when I arrived and wasted little time before getting down to business, he explained to me that we had lost 5 Agents in the past two months, he read out the names and I shrugged unsympathetically, they were all idiots, none of them even close to being as good as me, Bru Helm. Apparently the Amazon Queen had set up an International Criminal Organisation made up entirely of women. The Amazonian Secret Sisterhood or A.S.S, I learned that the A.S.S. was trying to blow away every Agent it could find, “Just how big is this A.S.S.” I asked the Director, “Nobody knows for sure but it must be very big Bru because we lost 5 men to the Amazon Queen’s A.S.S.” I let out a low whistle “What a way to go” I whispered to myself. “Have we any leads Director?” I asked him seriously. “Well, no. That is why we have brought you back Bru. You are the best we have” I nodded soberly, knowing he was right. “Well don’t worry Director, I have a good nose for danger. I will find her A.S.S., I have a good idea where to look?” The director looked pleased and motioned at the beautiful China Doll who was standing at attention in the room, like earlier she was wearing a black mini-dress cut low to reveal her cleavage and she wore knee high black leather stiletto boots. “Good, take Agent China Doll with you Bru, she is a top agent!” I looked over the young woman and shook my head “Sorry Director I work alone, A.S.S. is all mine!” China reacted angrily “It’s all about the A.S.S. with you Bru, don’t you care about anything else?” I thought about it for a moment, the all female group called the Territorial Irish Terrorist Soldiers or T.I.T.S. came to mind, “No China Doll, I care about T.I.TS., they are still at large but today I’m more concerned about A.S.S. and when I find A.S.S. I will nail it”

That had been an hour ago, now I was back at my luxury penthouse, I would start the investigation properly in the morning. Even Secret Agents need to sleep. I was pleasantly surprised upon arriving home to find a beautiful brunette standing in my living room wearing nothing but one of my old shirts and a pair of six inch high heeled stiletto shoes. She was bending over so I could get a full view of her long tanned legs and deliciously firm and round ass. “Hello there” I said with a smile. To my disappointment, she straightened up and I lost the view of her rear but I was not disenchanted to see the beautiful face that looked at me with a dazzling smile nor the amazing cleavage on view from her 38DD breasts. “Oh hello, I’m Victoria. I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to get a little bit more comfortable while I waited” I shrugged. “Help yourself, I’m..” She smiled and finished my sentence “Bru Helm, I know I seen you today at headquarters. I’m with the Agency too, I am a big fan of yours” She smiled and looked suggestively at me. “Its always nice to meet a fan, would you like a drink Victoria” She shook her head, “No need for small talk, I want you inside me…NOW!” she walked over to me and melted into my arms, “I love a direct woman” I said to her which was true. She kissed me passionately, my hands ran down her back to her lovely ass, the mental image of her bending over as I came in the door was not something I would forget in a hurry and I was keen to explore every inch of her butt, I grasped both cheeks firmly and she purred in pleasure, I spanked her “Your a very bad girl Victoria” I said to her with a smile, “You have no idea” she replied with a wink and with her hands she unzipped my trousers, and freed my erection. My hands were still on her ass, giving me perfect leverage to pull her up into my arms, she wrapped her long legs around my waist, her wet pussy easily sliding on to my erection. Holding her in my arms I began pumping her hard, with my teeth I bit open the buttons on the shirt to reveal Victoria’s amazing breasts, I buried my head between her cleavage, and ran my tongue across her breasts and then stopped and lingered on her nipples, Victoria threw her head backwards with pleasure as she worked with my thrusts in a rhythm, I began spanking her ass again and she began to moan louder, the rhythm and pace quickened as did the noise of her moans, eventually she screamed so loud I thought I heard a glass shatter in the kitchen. She looked amazed as she felt a second orgasm begin to stir inside her, my stamina kept the pace going faster, her moans of pleasure began to excite me even more, and as she climaxed again I exploded inside her.

She slid down on the ground panting and sweaty. “f**k me” she whispered to herself. “I just did” I pointed out with a wink. She kissed me again, this time standing beside me, as I was kissing her I noticed her arm make a movement out of my peripheral vision, I was just about to react when I heard two silencer shots THWEEPT! THWEEPT! Victoria’s body went into spasm and jerked upwards in arms, her shirt flew up to reveal her lovely ass once more and then her entire body went limp in my arms and her head lolled to the side. Surprised I turned to see Agent China Doll standing with a silencer at the edge of the room. “Sorry for the interruption Bru but she likes to scratch” said China Doll motioning at the knife on the floor. I lowered Victoria’s body on to the floor, leaving her long legs outstretched and her arms out to the sides. “Aren’t you going to say thank you?” asked China Doll. “I had the situation under control” I replied unwilling to acknowledge China’s help. I must be out of practice I thought to myself. China Doll walked over to Victoria’s body and kicked her legs quite hard to check for signs of life. “Not from where I was standing, looks like you were about to get killed by an A.S.S. agent” replied China with an indignant look. “A fine ASS agent” I said again looking at her body. “What will your maid say when she sees the body?” asked China. “I don’t plan on her finding it, grab a leg” I took Victoria’s right ankle and China took her left ankle, pulling Victoria’s body along behind us, her arms, hair and a streak of blood from the bullet wounds to her back trailed behind her. We dragged her body into the bedroom, “Here will do” I said simply and we both dropped her ankles at the same time, there was a clunk sound as her stiletto heels hit my marble floor, I winced thinking of my expensive flooring and that her six inch heels will cause a scratch.

“I suppose she is kind of sexy?” said China grudgingly as she looked over Victoria’s corpse. Victoria’s body was lying on her back, her eyes and mouth slightly open, her arms out to the side, the shirt opened most of the way down to reveal her breasts, her legs lay close together, her left knee slightly bent “She has got a great ass!” she added. I looked closer at China and could see she was turned on. “You like girls?” I enquired trying to sound innocent but secretly feeling excited myself. “I like dead girls” said China with a wicked smile on her face. “Well it would be a shame to waste this one” I replied in a matter of fact way. China kneeled down on the floor at Victoria’s feet and spread the corpse’s legs apart. Victoria in death was oblivious as China began rolling her tongue along her inner thigh, China was making soft moaning sounds and I watched her continue up to Victoria’s pussy and begin eating her out. “Mmmm, still wet” she said with obvious satisfaction. China’s hands explored up Victoria’s body reaching her large and succulent breasts, grasping them both firmly in her hands, her fingers continued exploring around the summit of Victoria’s huge breasts, finding her hard nipples and squeezing and flicking them. I enjoyed the show and seeing Victoria’s death stare unflinching as China had her way made me even more turned on. I could not longer stand to watch and joined in, leaning over to Victoria’s open mouth I pulled out my erection and ran it over her open lips smearing her lipstick, I then opened her mouth further and thrust my penis deep into her open mouth, her blank glazing eyes staring up at me, her lifeless body unmoving as both myself and China went to work on her. I continued pumping and China continued to eat out Victoria’s body, I could feel myself nearly there and I went harder until I came inside her mouth. China was starting to roll her tongue further up Victoria’s body and she slid up beside her corpse and began sucking her right nipple, I leaned over and began sucking her left nipple and reached with my hand towards Victoria’s pussy which was moist from China’s saliva and used my fingers to rub her clit as we began sucking on her breast harder, China was moaning and I turned my attention back to her, we began kissing passionately on top of Victoria’s body, she was burning with passion and threw me down so my head rested on Victoria’s breasts, sliding on top of me she began riding me expertly, sitting upwards as she did so. I could feel Victoria’s breasts pressed against my head and I had both of China’s breast firmly in hand, it was to much for me and I came again, China also climaxed and fell down exhausted beside Victoria’s body.

I didn’t have long to recover when I heard a noise and seen three women enter the room with guns ready, they were all wearing Black helmets, White sleeveless blouses unbuttoned to reveal amazing cleavage, Black hot pants and Black stiletto high heeled boots. Closer inspection of their faces revealed that they were all in fact, Victoria. Clones I thought to myself. “Don’t move Bru! We are elite Femtroopers from A.S.S., you are about to die!” said one of the Victoria clones. Sighing, I looked at my watch and pressed my remote activate defence system, picture frames in my wall retracted and machineguns whirled into their place, they opened fire on the three femtroopers and riddled their bodies, the femtroopers all dropped their weapons as bullet after bullet hit them in the chest, the bullets split open their flimsy white blouses which were now more red than white, revealing their bare breasts as fabulous as the original Victoria, their breasts wobbled as each bullet tore into their flesh, the femtroopers fell to the ground in a heap of boots, legs, blood and breasts. My machineguns fell silent and returned to their hiding place, the picture frames fell back into place. China Doll stood up and looked at the three dead femtroopers. I picked up the original Victoria by the shoulders and flung her body head first on top of the pile of her clones. Her ass and legs sticking up, for a moment I was half tempted to ride her ass again but I had something else to take care of, I turned my gun on China Doll. “Don’t move China Doll” She looked surprised. “Bru, what are you doing?” she replied innocently. “Don’t play games with me China Doll, you are with ASS. Look at those femtrooper boots, look familiar to you?” I demanded. “Very good Bru, I knew I shouldn’t have worn these but I think they are so sexy I hate taking them off!” she replied with a shrug. “Where is the Amazon Queen?” I demanded. “You will meet her in good time Bru, now drop your gun?” she demanded as a dozen more Femtroopers entered the room and pointed their weapons at me. “Oh and touch anything on your watch and I will kill you right now!” she said and laughed evilly.

I looked at the Femtroopers and China Doll, I was captured…."
 
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