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Hit Girl and Big Daddy

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by Steinman516, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. Steinman516

    Steinman516 Potential Patron

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    This Dialogue is for Hit Girl from the Movie and Comics Kick Ass. It is her and her father doing some "training". The Original File Was from Tetsuya Hikari's Body Swap. And there are still a few lines in there from it, just altered. But for the most part it is a completely brand new dialogue. But anyway I am most proud of this text and find it very effective would love to hear some of your thoughts on it. Here is the link: [attachurl=2] Also If you guys havent check him out check out Tetsuya Hikari's Dialogues there are probably my most fav on the site!
     

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  2. TetsuyaHikari

    TetsuyaHikari Avid Affiliate

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    I just downloaded this. I'll take a look at it when I get some free time later. I gotta start working on the SWF for my Kidnapped Daughter dialogue first, heh. You flatter me with your words though ;D

    I know it's not much, but I do try to make the dialogue I release good. It can be quite difficult at times though. I'm usually scratching my head after coming up with the fifth line for a situation, struggling to figure out the rest while staying away from repetition. I appreciate your support though, man! I hope I can continue to impress those around me with the choices I make for the dialogues I write.

    I'll post impressions for this probably after I wake up later today :3

    EDIT: Okay, after looking over it..I can say it would take me a while to actually comb through the mistakes. The most common mistake I noticed was your lack of punctuation. There were quite a few commas missing. Also, I wasn't sure why you capitalized some things that didn't really need to be capitalized (see: Lesson).

    Spelling errors were present as well (such as, "chokeing"). Just try to go back through it and add the proper punctuation marks and fix the spelling, then see how it looks. Sorry for not being of more help than this. As it is, I'm already swamped with my own projects and stuff (some SDT related, others not).

    Anyway! Just fix those mistakes and it should be good :3
     
  3. Steinman516

    Steinman516 Potential Patron

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    UPDATED: BIG DADDY AND HIT GIRL

    Fixed spelling errors, fixed punc's, and re-wording things a tad. Let me know if you see anything else. I really appreciate all input. [attachurl=1]
     

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  4. TetsuyaHikari

    TetsuyaHikari Avid Affiliate

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    Great. Sorry if I came off as an ass before, heh. I just like giving it to people straight though, rather than sugarcoating it. I'm glad you took the time to look over it and fix the spelling errors and such. I'll take a look at it after I wake up later.

    I've already been working a bit today, so I'm pretty tired, lol.

    EDIT: Oh, also. I'd suggest swapping the original in your first post with this revised version. If there's a better version, no need to keep the inferior version still up, right?

    :3
     
  5. Steinman516

    Steinman516 Potential Patron

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    No Not at all, you came off straight. That's what People need is straight talk. You are good in my book! :D