T-Dub's magical wonder emporium! (1 Viewer)

[T.W.]

So, though I doubt that many hear will guess who I am, I've become very tired of a certain place and it's factional infighting turning int one continuous flailing of virtual dickery - and to get away from such a thing, I've come to place... That is about deepthroating. Don't question my logic though! I have none!

What I do have is dialogue, and though your friends and family always warned you about trusting strangers with gifts, trust me - I know what I'm doing. What is that, exactly? For one, don't expect any slavery, guro, or forced crap with me. It's overdone, unsexy, and you should feel terrible for liking it. What you can expect is stuff that is slightly silly, slightly sexy, and slightly strange. I can't promise any of it will be *good*, but the transition from hackish writer to hackish fanfic writer to hackish 80's porn dialogue writer can't be too terrible, can it?

- Dialogue list/Update tree -

Greasy Fanboy

The Storyteller > Really, this is only one post below; as comments arrive, the updates'll be more useful, I'm sure.

For your enjoyment pleasure, a reticent nerd that I've dubbed the 'Greasy Fanboy'. Although slightly resistant to the idea of sucking your dick(or is he? And it could be a strap-on; let's use our imagination!), he makes nervous jokes and small talk that may amuse you and will certainly be different from most other dialogues you download. (Or is it?) And if you even finish the whole thing through, you may even find out that he

Spoiler

wasn't even doing it for the perks.

Spoiler

OR WAS HE

D'awww. He

might even seem like a nice guy, or perhaps a really odd girl.

For settings - please don't stick to these, do as you like, &c&c&c - glasses are a must, though. Resistance should also be slightly higher than normal. Conflicted feelings and all that.

Spoiler

dialogue_name:"Greasy Fanboy"

CUSTOM:
intro:"This can't be happening - this is even worse than One More Day!"
intro:"I knew we shouldn't have let girls in the group..." ##Comment this out if not using a strap-on.
intro:"Jeebus, is that real? It looks like a donkey schlong. Not that I'm an admirer of donkey schlong."
intro:"Dude. I'll do anything if you'll give me that rad elite four-strength four-stam leather belt!"
intro:"So, uh, this is just extreme-action larping, right?"
intro:"You don't want me like this. I haven't even febbed this morning. Febrezed, even."
general:"Don't stop now! 'Cuz baby, I'm having a good time, having a good time-"
general:"My old DM could take an entire F.A.T.A.L session in one hour. I won't lose to him!"
general:"So you're just gonna stop half-way through? It's not like I'll faint if you keep going!"
general:"This hurts me - but I know you feel this. Let me establish direct control."
general:"You know that scene where Glorfindel beats back the riders? Yeah, this is like that."
general:"I'd so rather be having a twinkie right now."
general:"Your heaving man-rod/villanous demon-witch strap-on appendage tantalizes me. Sarcasm!"
general:"Do I get an extra level for this?"
general:"Some people deal with grief in different ways. Some cut off heads. I fuck at funerals."
general:"This is just like one of my Japanese animes!"
resistance:"No! If I touch it, it'll contaminate my incorruptible pure purity!"
resistance:"Just let me get my inhaler, I think my asthma is kicking in."
resistance:"It's too smoothy-smooth with your yogurt. I ain't touching it!"
resistance:"Woden! Hear my plea! Save me from this nightmare!"
resistance:"I - I can't. My first love is my Realdoll, and I have a commitment to her."
resistance:"No - you haven't triggered enough event flags yet!"
resistance:"Why me? Why me, when there are perfectly good body pillows for sale?!"
interrupt:"-mphh!"
interrupt:"-mph!"
interrupt:"-obu!"
interrupt:"-uwa!"
interrupt:"-ngyha!"
interrupt:"-ghmph!"
interrupt:"-mmbh!"
interrupt:"-nngh!"
interrupt:"-mmn!"
interrupt:"-ghch!"
interrupt:"-mmb!"
interrupt:"-mmbh!"
interrupt:"-mnh!"
interrupt:"-ng!"
interrupt:"-!"
interrupt:"-hn!"
cough:"-aghck"
cough:"-ack"
cough:"-ackph"
cough:"-agph"
cough:"-achf"
first_throat:"Dude. You were inside of me. I feel... Weird."
first_throat:"So, this is what dick tastes like? Spicy." ## Comment out if strap-on.
first_throat:"It's weird. Your strap-on excites me in new and interesting ways." ##Comment out if guy.
first_throat:"Well, if we're going to do this, we might as well keep on doing this. We can catch Buck Rogers reruns, later."
first_throat:"So, you're going to buy me what I need for my full-body cosplay right?"
first_throat:"And then a cock popped out!"
first_throat:"Right. I can do this. You just come at me, bro."
first_throat:"Tastes like blood, sweat, toil, and tears. And pre-cum."
first_throat:"Yeah, yeah, you're a real stud. I can tell this is gonna be a long coupla hours."
first_throat:"It reminds of summer salami that I can't eat. I'm so confused!"
first_dt:"Whoa. I can see forever. Er, feel forever."
first_dt:"Your girth is so massive. I am entranced. Seriously."
first_dt:"Never have I seen such a massive and delicious meatrod."
first_dt:"That was pretty deep. Hehe, see, it's a pun, because you just - oh, forget it."
first_dt:"That all you got? I've still got mana to burn!"
pull_off:"What, am I too much for you? Not that I'm saying that I'm good at this. Not that I'm saying I like cocks."
pull_off:"Oh, geeze. You're going to go flaccid if you don't allow my tender ministrations."
pull_off:"Let me guess, you even have to micromanage your imps and dwarves, too?"
pull_off:"Dude, I was finally starting to get into it and you yank me away? Bitchtits!"
pull_off:"Your hand is frikkin' cold. Hoth cold. Put some gloves on or something."
pull_off:"This is officially worth two levels, now. And I want a new battleaxe for Moogdred."
pull_off:"I know you see my sexy body, and it's just too much for you. That's what meatbreads do for ya!"
pull_off:"Don't touch my hair. It's built up a pleasant layer of 'tude."
pull_off:"You're just trying to psych me out to interrupt me with your dick at a suitably humorous moment, am I right?."
held:"Hey, look. I can tap out the FF crystal tune!"
held:"Oh, boy. I always knew this day would come. Three levels, and I get to do all the women in the campaign."
held:"Let's play a game, it's called 'Master and Servant!'"
held:"Hold me up, beat me down, what do they know, 'bout that?"
held:"Just fuck me and get it over with already. Honestly, don't you need that hand for something else?" ##HE SEES THE FOURTH WALL
held:"Ram me into your heaving flesh volcano!.. Is what you're supposed to say in this situation, right?"
wake:"Auntie Em! I just had the most terrible dream!"
wake:"... Dude. Not cool. Five levels, and I want a female companion slave that I can deepthroat at any time I like!"
wake:"Sorry, I got so into the joy of sucking you off that I blacked out from the bliss of it."
wake:"If I only knew about men from hearsay, I'd say you ruptured my throat-cervix. Don't do that again, 'kay?"
wake:"Joy. Waking up to a hard cock. This is the best day of my life sense oil peaked and the clone wars."
vigorous:"... Hey, this is actually kind of nice."
vigorous:"That's right. My awesome oral assault is gonna leave you begging for more!"
vigorous:"I'll prove to you that I'm so good, I deserve seven levels and a female slave and a portable hole to fuck at anytime I like!... Uh, I'm kinky."
vigorous:"Fuck me like Mohammed Ali screwed George Foreman in 1974!"
vigorous:"My throat will crush you!... Er, in a tender manner!"
vigorous:"You think that you can force me? I'm no casual scrub! I'll take you on!"
vigorous:"If it's a contest between speed and power, my power'll exhaust your speed!"
pre_cum:"Ha-ha! You can't hold it in! Dude, fail!"
pre_cum:"Don't worry. This happens to me all the time. Or did, until I became a massive mouth-stud under your tutelage."
pre_cum:"Great, of all the people I have to suck off, I'm stuck with an early ejaculator."
pre_cum:"You can't frost the cookies this early! They aren't even - okay, I dunno where my metaphor went."
cum_on_face:"DUDE! Who comes on someone's face? Come on my chest, or something!"
cum_on_face:"Gah, your spunk is all over my beautiful face! Don't make me go Vega on your ass! "
cum_on_face:"... I would've swallowed if you'd fucking asked, dude."
cum_on_face:"Eh, my face? Really? Do you have, like, a wipe or something?"
cum_in_mouth:"The breakfast of champions."
cum_in_mouth:"About time. Although now I expect you'll be like 'wham, bam, thank you, man."
cum_in_mouth:"Not bad. If it'd been me, it would have been 20% more splooge, though."
cum_in_mouth:"B- for delivery, B+ for execution."
cum_in_mouth:"Tastes like candy fluff... What the fuck have you been eating?"
cum_in_throat:"Is that even physically possible? I think you used miracles or magnets, I call bullshit."
cum_in_throat:"Your slippery sloop sailed straight south the straights of my sexy swallowtube!"
cum_in_throat:"Huh. It's like a suppository, you really don't feel much of anything."
cum_in_throat:"Ew, throatsex. Consider the feelings of others! I wanted to enjoy your little spermatoza!"
cum_in_eye:"Hah! My glasses protect me!"
cum_in_eye:"THIS is what the goggles are for!"
cum_in_eye:"You tried to come in my eye, but in the end you will only come closer to your own destruction!"
cum_in_eye:"Ten levels, a female slave, a portable hole, and a ring of wishes that summons nine clones of famous celebrities. Biaatch."
swallow:"Huh. Tastes kinda like salty kipper snacks - no, dude, I meant that in a good way. I love kipper snacks."
swallow:"It's not like I enjoyed this, but your semen tastes okay. Better than mine, I'm sure."
swallow:"If manslushies were like foods, yours would be the caviar of the splooge world."
swallow:"Toasty!"
drool:"Wow. Your mighty man-meat made my meagre mouth meekly miss some mangy moppets of semen."
drool:"C'mon, that can't be real. No one comes that much, except dolphins. And that's an urban legend. I looked it up. On the internet."
drool:"P'tewie! I spit your cum onto the floor! Now whom is sucking whom off?!... Uh, wait. Fuck. Don't answer that."
restart:"... You wanna go again? I'll call it even at ten levels. Complaints aside - I've had worse Sundays."
restart:"You can't tell anyone this, but... I think I'm in pon farr with you."
restart:"Already to roll again? Not bad. Let's you and me finish this!"
restart:"... For some reason, I find your prosthetic penile pervayence pleasantly penetrative. Again?" ## Vide supra, ad infinitum.
restart:"So, uh, wanna go get drunk and watch some late-night television together?"
restart:"I was thinking - maybe it would be okay if we met up again, sometime. Only for perks, mind. I'm all about the perks."
restart:"If you've got nothing better to do, and I've got nothing better to do - then that's groovy, baby."

DEFAULT:
resistance:"CLEAR"
interrupt:"CLEAR"
cough:"CLEAR"
first_throat:"CLEAR"
first_dt:"CLEAR"
pull_off:"CLEAR"
held:"CLEAR"
wake:"CLEAR"
vigorous:"CLEAR"
pre_cum:"CLEAR"
cum_on_face:"CLEAR"
cum_in_throat:"CLEAR"
cum_in_mouth:"CLEAR"
cum_in_eye:"CLEAR"
swallow:"CLEAR"
drool:"CLEAR"
restart:"CLEAR"

I'm not sure if ## works like it does in most other things I'd drabbled with. To spoil a few of the others I'd do if I weren't tired, I'm thinking a frat boy, someone who speaks only in beat poetry, some secrets, and of course - She. So. If you laughed, keep an eye out here. Who knows, I might even produce something you like! Stay frosty, people.

Also, there is now an attachment for those who don't like spoilers. My bad for not having it up earlier. Some elements have been commented out with ## - if you see them and don't like them for their surreal charm just remove them.

 

[T.W.]

Almost a thousand views and not one comment..? I didn't make even one of you laugh, smile, or fap furiously it looks like. Tragic, tragic! So, my next offering'll be something a little more par for the course! I give to you... The Storyteller! Someone who is so intent on their own narrative that they hardly care/notice that you're fucking them. Impossible? I can assure those of you that don't believe that there are many people who monologue thoughts like this during sex... But I've always felt they'd be very amusing to hear out loud.

Settings should be somewhat vacant-eyed; this could work for anyone whose head is in the clouds, really.

Spoiler

dialogue_name:"The Storyteller"

CUSTOM:
intro:".... So, this one time, at band camp..."
intro:"... Groceries today; let's see, I need carrots, potatoes, beets, lettuce..."
intro:"... Not too far away, in a place that was almost like Earth..."
intro:"... The most erotic story I ever heard was told to me by a wise old man on the bus..."
intro:"... Five score and seven years - no, four score and seven... Four score and..."
intro:"... Awakening, I found myself in the dungeon of the Chaos Lord. My vorpal blade was missing, so I..."
intro:"... One morning I thought I'd turned into a floating plate of dry noodles. But in reality..."
general:"... The Vogon Destructor Fleet had just arrived..."
general:"... After the war had occurred, it was time to rebuild, so we had to man the barricades carefully..."
general:"... Snow was all we had left, so we used snow to build up our own copy of the federal reserve..."
general:"... I wrote this piece of fanfiction once. No one ever commented on it - until the troubles started..."
general:"... Pastor Kluggman turned out to be a half-lobster half-vampire werewolf, whose only weakness was my vorpal blade..."
general:"... After that, I made a note that the first thing I'd do was go and have sex..."
general:"... Feeling faint, I checked my blood pressure. Funny, said Larry. No sign of intelligent life anywhere..."
general:"... But first, I had to clear the room of hunter-killer robots..."
general:"... Lo, a young man appeared outside my window. He was dressed in red velvet so I thought he might be a cake..."
general:"... Beyond my sight lurked the Chaos Lord and his unassailable army. So, I said to my army 'Charge!' and then we..."
general:"... Who loved my gentle spirit..."
general:"... She had never known the touch of a man - save for Prince Bastion..."
general:"... My alarm clock began to ring - shut up, I thought to myself, then ate the alarm clock..."
resistance:"... An enemy swarm approached, so I lit them up with my lightning gun..."
resistance:"... I wasn't going to take him lying down. That wouldn't have been very chivalric..."
resistance:"... Her eyes shone like fire or some similarly burning phenomenon..."
resistance:"... Nine out of ten Americans were revealed to be Anarchist Saboteurs, and now, the news..."
resistance:"... Little did they know that my secret powers were yet to awaken..."
resistance:"... Foolishly, the Chaos Lord advanced - but I was ready for him..."
resistance:"... Philosophy was never my strong suit, which is why I wore a robe made of newspapers to class..."
resistance:"... Riots in the streets of London..."
resistance:"... Tempestuous weather threw the zeppelin off course and only I could steer it back..."
interrupt:"-mphh!"
interrupt:"-mph!"
interrupt:"-obu!"
interrupt:"-uwa!"
interrupt:"-ngyha!"
interrupt:"-ghmph!"
interrupt:"-mmbh!"
interrupt:"-nngh!"
interrupt:"-mmn!"
interrupt:"-ghch!"
interrupt:"-mmb!"
interrupt:"-mmbh!"
interrupt:"-mnh!"
interrupt:"-ng!"
interrupt:"-!"
interrupt:"-hn!"
cough:"-aghck"
cough:"-ack"
cough:"-ackph"
cough:"-agph"
cough:"-achf"
first_throat:"... The army penetrated the facility but found all the supplies had been ransacked..."
first_throat:"... Both her breasts were actually lined not with expensive jewelry, but with snakes..."
first_throat:"... Maximillian frowned and challenged her to a duel; but she had taken this step. She could continue..."
first_throat:"... A violent passion arose within my head; I realized that I had to kill everybody, but only in my mind..."
first_throat:"... The flowers were actually made of chocolate with sugar glazing..."
first_throat:"... And the black goat of the woods asked me 'Kid. Hold up. What are you doing with your life?'..."
first_throat:"... A small step for man, a great step for mankind..."
first_throat:"... But Yuri and I hadn't seen each other for years, so it was confusing..."
first_throat:"... Dark circles under his eyes made me think he'd stayed awake all night - I only desired him more..."
first_throat:"... Zebra cavalry came out of the woodworks - the Chaos Lord was riding his Pterodactyl, Zephyr..."
first_throat:"... The crowd burst into applause, except for a few hecklers..."
first_dt:"... A great journey began, and we packed up our bags..."
first_dt:"... Did the Chaos Lord send you? I asked, but received no reply but bitter laughter..."
first_dt:"... Lilies of the valley were everywhere - I was happy, so I ate plenty of their berries..."
first_dt:"... Sweatshop labor proved ineffective, so they switched to blood sacrifice..."
first_dt:"... Magical druidic power awaited, but I told them I had no need of it; I had a spare tire..."
first_dt:"... My troika pulled me over the snow, away from everything. My mind clouded - was this all there was?..."
first_dt:"... I had that dream again last night, but you wouldn't want to hear about that..."
first_dt:"... The cereal in the cupboard was fifteen years old. So was the murder weapon; a coincidence?..."
first_dt:"... It stank like stale beer and old men, so I lit a vanilla candle, then flew away..."
pull_off:"... I had to leave to resupply the troops, but I promised them I'd be back before the end of the war..."
pull_off:"... Apparently, it was too much for the Chaos Lord and he ran away crying..."
pull_off:"... How weak he was, that smug seneschal! In his heart, he dreamed himself master..."
pull_off:"... The fields grew red with blood, and I could only laugh..."
pull_off:"... Because in my heart I knew that I would do nothing but stand by and stare at them as they slept..."
pull_off:"... Apparently, you can't buy green tomatoes at the grocery store, because of a ban on green tomatoes..."
pull_off:"... Mitosis began to occur, but was stopped by a rapid deployment of force to the cell structure..."
pull_off:"... It involved two cats, one of which looked suspiciously like J. Edgar Hoover..."
pull_off:"... The lack of involvement was why I hate hospital waiting rooms..."
held:"... Even after the night sky broke, the clouds remained at bay..."
held:"... She stared into his eyes - and there was nothing there, just glazed donuts..."
held:"... Australia reached into her wallet and removed a signed picture of a certain celebrity journalist..."
held:"... The thought that this was it, the culmination of all life and it's meaning - I thought about it, then laughed..."
held:"... You don't know what you're doing; but it's all right, because I'm an experienced spelunker..."
held:"... Colonel Butler in the Lounge with the Fire Extinguisher..."
held:"... Maize is actually rich in nutrients, but has received a bad rap because, well, almost every plant is nutrienter richerer..."
held:"... But Chaos Lord! I thought we were friends! Don't cry for me, said he... But he was crying, too..."
wake:"... My mind jolted awake like I'd been asleep for ages, and I made a note to see the dame about sleeping medication..."
wake:"... Sensation flowed into my mind and I reached enlightenment - but was turned aside because I had reached enlightenment..."
wake:"... The store was empty and I realized I'd never see Jolt Cola again..."
wake:"... An idiot continued to pester me, so I cut out his teeth and wore them as a necklace..."
wake:"... Sic temper tyrannis! But then I balked at the pretentious latin, and stabbed him in the face with my Vorpal Blade..."
wake:"... I made a note, but I'd always remember. Wouldn't it be fun when the roles were reversed?..."
wake:"... The beat became quicker - without a doubt, the lake was draining!..."
vigorous:"... I had trouble concentrating because of the Hayes Code..."
vigorous:"... And then, the Cicada grew twenty feet tall! But it was still a treasured friend..."
vigorous:"... The bullet train jolted too - finally, I was on the famed Orient Express. I turned to my friend Erika, and said..."
vigorous:"... The Chaos Lord fled to his fifth and final castle. This was it; life or death..."
vigorous:"... But look, said I. Half of your gold is just sitting here for anyone to take. Why do you even need gold?..."
vigorous:"... It never appealed to me, and it never will. But then again, not everyone can be a time traveler..."
vigorous:"... You still don't want to hear about that dream..? Figures. You were always more concerned with easy gratification..."
vigorous:"... A pound of flax, perhaps five of them! But what would that mean, cosmologically?..."
pre_cum:"... The story came to a disappointing end."
pre_cum:"... The Chaos Lord escaped, but left behind his dog, Fifi!"
pre_cum:"... And that's how I tamed the last of the wild Mustang!"
pre_cum:"... Were you saying something? I'm sorry, it appears I'm in a sticky situation."
pre_cum:"... Finally, we had become real cowboys."
cum_on_face:"... The stardust showered through the turbulent vortex; there was nothing left."
cum_on_face:"... Chaos Lord, take off your mask. Let me see who you really are."
cum_on_face:"... No, I never had enough time. Not even to appreciate the feel of warmth against my cheek."
cum_on_face:"... But that's why we were friends; not everyone can say that they'd take it and smile."
cum_on_face:"... That's it, there isn't any more."
cum_in_mouth:"... He had never expect the sword to explode through his ribcage!"
cum_in_mouth:"... Time. Why can't I have more time?"
cum_in_mouth:"... This always happens, right in the middle. Fuck."
cum_in_mouth:"... Xale wasn't a hermit, or an elf! He was just an ordinary man!"
cum_in_mouth:"... The miracle never occurred."
cum_in_throat:"...."
cum_in_throat:"... Oh sweet red wine/flow freely/because when my cup is empty/I shall think of thee."
cum_in_eye:"... He came right in my eye. It didn't matter - because then I bit off his dick."
cum_in_eye:"... And no one got blowjobs, ever again."
cum_in_eye:"... Erika turned to me and laughed. She was right, of course; they were all useless. Love shows you nothing."
swallow:"... Their unreal expectations exceeded my own, and the entree was sub-par."
swallow:"... I couldn't wait to get to the next aisle, because there I was gonna stalk up on iced tea and gel candies."
swallow:"... Yet the alien was better then the Chaos Lord ever had been, and they all lived happily ever after."
swallow:"... And that's how I became the fresh prince of Bel-Air."
drool:"..."
drool:"... Only an idiot would think it worked like that- but it made him smile, so I laughed vapidly."
drool:"... I stared at the ceiling for hours, and imagined it again."
drool:"... The gumball machine was out of stock."
restart:"... Of course, that's what they told you happened - in reality..."
restart:"... Naturally, the princess was in another castle..."
restart:"... The seahorse kingdom bid me farewell and I set off on another journey..."
restart:"... Everything went grey except the things that didn't. I smiled, but this time the narrative had changed..."
restart:"... Her words rang true, and I smiled at the advice I'd followed. It would soon be good once more; until then, however..."
restart:"... Chaos Lord! I cried, but he had died defending the orphans. A nobler death would be impossible to find... Or so I thought!..."
restart:"... It was all a dream! Or was it? It might have been... But it wasn't. Or was it?..."
restart:"... Huh? What? Sex?... Sure, that sounds nice. But first-"

DEFAULT:
resistance:"CLEAR"
interrupt:"CLEAR"
cough:"CLEAR"
first_throat:"CLEAR"
first_dt:"CLEAR"
pull_off:"CLEAR"
held:"CLEAR"
wake:"CLEAR"
vigorous:"CLEAR"
pre_cum:"CLEAR"
cum_on_face:"CLEAR"
cum_in_throat:"CLEAR"
cum_in_mouth:"CLEAR"
cum_in_eye:"CLEAR"
swallow:"CLEAR"
drool:"CLEAR"
restart:"CLEAR"

 

[TetsuyaHikari]

you should feel terrible for liking it.

Wait..so let me get this straight. You post your work, then tell others that if they like:

slavery, guro, or forced crap

then they should feel terrible and you wonder why there isn't a single comment in your thread? I don't care how awesome you think your work is, man. Once you start stepping on other people's toes and insulting them to put yourself on a pedestal, that's when I lose respect for you.

You can release your work without insulting others. Hell, I do it. The other posters I have seen around here do it as well, so why can't you?

I may not agree with your totally unorthodox approach to the dialogue, but I can at least respect it enough to say, "Hey, if someone else likes it, awesome. It's just not my cup of tea, but that's okay.". Anyway, keep doing what you're doing, but in the future, try to act a little more professional.

We're all on the same side here, man. I'm just saying.

 

[Sukmeoff]

Well, you wanted a comment, so here goes. Normally I try to restrict my comments to positive ones, or at least sprinkle my constructive criticism into a positive comment, but honestly these dialogues are unimaginative, uninspired, and just not enjoyable.

The biggest problem I have is that you seem to have missed the point of dialogues. They are supposed to make the scene more exciting, not make the user chuckle to himself (or in this case fail to). Sure, maybe there's someone out there who gets off on sucking off his D&D buddies or someone who barely seems to notice, but even if there is, good luck connecting with that niche here.

I think if you you put less effort into trying to be clever and more into tapping into the sexual fantasies of those who love fellatio, you might make a barely worthwhile dialogue but you need to polish your skills and develop your creative instincts before you can reasonably expect to achieve anything beyond that.

Sorry if its harsh, but sometimes the surgeon must cut to heal.