Splinter in my Mind


Avid Affiliate
First of all I want to thank each and every one of you who participate in this website / forum. And the creator who made this possible. Finally I have a place to post things that I've kept secret for so many years (my interest in ryona, etc).

I can't shake the odd feeling of both liking something and hating myself for liking it. So I decided to post here.

I really like asphyxia. And now I'm slowly starting to like... impalement. Just something about these things. But why do I like it so much?

Only thing I can think of is all those video games I played where my female character would die from drowning in water or falling on spikes. Especially one of my favorite games trilogy, Jill of the Jungle.

I can't shake this weird feeling. I take pleasure in the videos I watch but immediately feel horrible afterward. What do you all think?


Ryonani Teamster
i remember Jill of the Jungle, one of my favorite games way back when. i always liked how the knights would cut her in half!

my opinion is that there's nothing wrong with liking something that other people don't like. as long as you are not hurting anyone, then basically by definition no harm is being done. human sexuality is EXTREMELY complex and psychologically it basically ties into the entire brain in some way or another. from my experience if you try too hard to suppress yourself you will just be miserable.

it may seem obvious but keep in mind that fantasy is not reality. that means two things. one, obviously, in a picture or a story about women being hurt, no women are actually being hurt. the second one, which sometimes people don't realize at first, is that LIKING a picture or a story about a woman being hurt is NOT the same as actually wanting to hurt women! or even the same as wanting to see women hurt!

it is the same as people who are into BDSM—most doms don't want to cause real harm to anyone, and most subs don't want to experience real harm. similarly rape play fetishists don't really want to be raped! so just because you like a fantasy of violence does not mean you like real violence.


Avid Affiliate
I have thoughts like this many times too, Rob, and I guess many people here or on similar boards have.

Regarding real life, I always try to have an empathic view, to keep in mind that everybody, everywhere on this world and at every time period, has a life just as complex mine or that of the people I know very well. Everyone plays a role in the lives of many other people and you usually can't judge someone by the little you know. Thus violence is a bad concept and causes more problems than it solves.

This transfers in how I watch fantasy violence. I love to imagine "unimportant characters" as complex human beings with families and everything. While this can change how I look at the hero, it doesn't make the scene less fun to watch for me. In fact, it enhances my enjoyment of a crazy, funny, brutal demise when I imagine the victim as someone's child, better half, parent, etc. and when this tragic aspect is completely ignored by the plot.

It makes me wonder "Why am I feeling this way?" After all, I could imagine them as bad people whom nobody will miss, so I can enjoy their demise without regret. But no, this would devalue the scene.

LIKING a picture or a story about a woman being hurt is NOT the same as actually wanting to hurt women! or even the same as wanting to see women hurt!
That's the point. The fantasy violence is not a substitute for real life violence I can't do or want to see happen. The violence and the fact that it makes people's lives crumble is something I enjoy in fantasy, and in fantasy only.


Avid Affiliate
I guess its much better just to let it out than hold it in. I've played a lot of video games in my day. Spikes, lava, water, acid, falling. All hazards of video games. And I'll be damned, I love it when the player character is female and screams! For that matter that deathscrem from Riven in League of Legends; I may or may not have taken it COMPLETELY apart and split it into different files with my audio editing software... (I'm such a nerd haha)