Kayfabe
Club Regular
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2018
Do you? Do you REALLY? Because you shouldn't. Zakos die. Early and often.
But zakos don't know they're zakos, do they? They think they're the protagonists of their own lives. They have their own ambitions, hopes and dreams. Maybe this weird job where they stand around in a bikini and carry a submachine gun and walk around some kind of... facility (what do they even do here, anyway?) is just a stepping stone on their personal journey. Maybe they're taking this bizarre career as far as it goes. Nothing ever happens here. Okay, well, it does, but what are the chances it will happen to them?
(Turns out those chances are pretty high.)
But not you, right? You're no chump, no mook. No small fry. You're a Gundam, not a Zaku. You're no stormtrooper. You're Darth Fucking Vader. You're no redshirt, you're Captain James Tiberius Kirk, because even he had to start somewhere, right? That's you. You're gonna be a big deal someday. Even though you're Level 1, have average abilities, shitty training, and had to supply your own equipment!
(No, you're not. You're fucking nobody and you're going to die face-down in a pile of other, similarly good-looking corpses.)
So what's this thread?
It's part RP, and part lottery. Create a zako character. Emphasis on zako. They've been recruited into some stupid supervillain's private army. Give them as much or as little background as you want, but make sure to provide the vital information like name, age, gender, and physical appearance. Next, tell me if you prefer the end of your zako's career (heaven forbid!) to be fatal or non-fatal. Your zako will then be sent out on missions with the rest of their unit, and will periodically have to help defend the base from enemy attacks. Success and survival will be purely random. I promise not to play favorites here. Zakos who survive long enough and gain enough experience will improve in skill, and those zako will be less likely to be retired (and more likely to succeed at their mission objectives), but turnover will be very high.
After all, you're a fucking zako!
How it Works
The basis of this game is the Unit. It's probably the size of a fireteam, squad, or platoon, depending on how many zakos we get. As soon as the Unit is formed, the Unit will be dispatched on missions, which will either succeed or fail. Even if the mission is a failure, some of the zakos may still survive. However, even if the mission is a success, there still may be a lot of casualties! I'll "run" a mission every day or so, and post about it, and about who got injured (and how), who got killed (and how), and who leveled-up (if anyone). If anybody did any dope shit, I'll write about it. Once a week, the heroes will retaliate and attack your base. If you fail that mission, everyone dies (think of a Bond villain's self-destructing lair) and we all get to form a brand new unit. Possibly with a different theme, and maybe in a different setting!
My zako died!
Hot? Wait, I mean, how sad! Good thing you get to make a new one! Turns out there's no shortage of young adults with a crippling amount of student loan debt!
MY zako is special for [reasons]!
I feel you. At some point I'll have a good scheme for specializations and unique abilities, but for now, your zako is restricted to the following traits:
Basic small arms proficiency (sort of).
Supermodel levels of attractiveness.
Dying zako do nothing for me. Can mine just get knocked out or captured or something?
Yes! There's already a possibility that your zako will, in the face of overwhelming opposition, say "fuck this" and either desert during battle or surrender to the enemy. Some heroes use only non-lethal takedowns, and your zako might end a mission by getting knocked out or captured. All you have to do is tell me that you like things to be non-lethal, and those things will become the "worst case scenario" for your zako. They can get removed from the game like anyone else, the only difference is it will be a desertion, defection, or capture that does it.
Is there any way to uh, you know... win?
Sort of! Units and orgs can be retired under favorable conditions (they accomplish their top-level objectives or are disbanded when their patrons no longer have any use for them) and individual zako may survive the end of the organization they worked for (even if that org was destroyed in like a series-ending event). I'll come up with "prizes" in the event of that. Or you tell me what kind of perks would be interesting.
More generally, if your zako survives the whole "campaign" (this is not as involved as like, a real RPG so relax), you can roll them over into the next one if you wish, or start a new one of the same level. Also, if you have a leveled-up zako who gets, uh, retired, your next zako can start as half their level (rounded down).
When can I start?
I'll post about the first unit shortly. As soon as the first unit has been retired, I'll take suggestions on the theme and setting of future units. So if you have an idea, I'd love to hear it!
But zakos don't know they're zakos, do they? They think they're the protagonists of their own lives. They have their own ambitions, hopes and dreams. Maybe this weird job where they stand around in a bikini and carry a submachine gun and walk around some kind of... facility (what do they even do here, anyway?) is just a stepping stone on their personal journey. Maybe they're taking this bizarre career as far as it goes. Nothing ever happens here. Okay, well, it does, but what are the chances it will happen to them?
(Turns out those chances are pretty high.)
But not you, right? You're no chump, no mook. No small fry. You're a Gundam, not a Zaku. You're no stormtrooper. You're Darth Fucking Vader. You're no redshirt, you're Captain James Tiberius Kirk, because even he had to start somewhere, right? That's you. You're gonna be a big deal someday. Even though you're Level 1, have average abilities, shitty training, and had to supply your own equipment!
(No, you're not. You're fucking nobody and you're going to die face-down in a pile of other, similarly good-looking corpses.)
So what's this thread?
It's part RP, and part lottery. Create a zako character. Emphasis on zako. They've been recruited into some stupid supervillain's private army. Give them as much or as little background as you want, but make sure to provide the vital information like name, age, gender, and physical appearance. Next, tell me if you prefer the end of your zako's career (heaven forbid!) to be fatal or non-fatal. Your zako will then be sent out on missions with the rest of their unit, and will periodically have to help defend the base from enemy attacks. Success and survival will be purely random. I promise not to play favorites here. Zakos who survive long enough and gain enough experience will improve in skill, and those zako will be less likely to be retired (and more likely to succeed at their mission objectives), but turnover will be very high.
After all, you're a fucking zako!
How it Works
The basis of this game is the Unit. It's probably the size of a fireteam, squad, or platoon, depending on how many zakos we get. As soon as the Unit is formed, the Unit will be dispatched on missions, which will either succeed or fail. Even if the mission is a failure, some of the zakos may still survive. However, even if the mission is a success, there still may be a lot of casualties! I'll "run" a mission every day or so, and post about it, and about who got injured (and how), who got killed (and how), and who leveled-up (if anyone). If anybody did any dope shit, I'll write about it. Once a week, the heroes will retaliate and attack your base. If you fail that mission, everyone dies (think of a Bond villain's self-destructing lair) and we all get to form a brand new unit. Possibly with a different theme, and maybe in a different setting!
My zako died!
Hot? Wait, I mean, how sad! Good thing you get to make a new one! Turns out there's no shortage of young adults with a crippling amount of student loan debt!
MY zako is special for [reasons]!
I feel you. At some point I'll have a good scheme for specializations and unique abilities, but for now, your zako is restricted to the following traits:
Basic small arms proficiency (sort of).
Supermodel levels of attractiveness.
Dying zako do nothing for me. Can mine just get knocked out or captured or something?
Yes! There's already a possibility that your zako will, in the face of overwhelming opposition, say "fuck this" and either desert during battle or surrender to the enemy. Some heroes use only non-lethal takedowns, and your zako might end a mission by getting knocked out or captured. All you have to do is tell me that you like things to be non-lethal, and those things will become the "worst case scenario" for your zako. They can get removed from the game like anyone else, the only difference is it will be a desertion, defection, or capture that does it.
Is there any way to uh, you know... win?
Sort of! Units and orgs can be retired under favorable conditions (they accomplish their top-level objectives or are disbanded when their patrons no longer have any use for them) and individual zako may survive the end of the organization they worked for (even if that org was destroyed in like a series-ending event). I'll come up with "prizes" in the event of that. Or you tell me what kind of perks would be interesting.
More generally, if your zako survives the whole "campaign" (this is not as involved as like, a real RPG so relax), you can roll them over into the next one if you wish, or start a new one of the same level. Also, if you have a leveled-up zako who gets, uh, retired, your next zako can start as half their level (rounded down).
When can I start?
I'll post about the first unit shortly. As soon as the first unit has been retired, I'll take suggestions on the theme and setting of future units. So if you have an idea, I'd love to hear it!
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