My first dialogues (1 Viewer)

[holic]

Intro

Spoiler

Hey everyone. I am new here so don't be too harsh. I am not exactly a computer wiz or anything so my dialogues are pretty simple and only use the basic vanilla functions. The dialogues are not complete and I will update them soon. I hope you like what you see. I am open to any suggestion.

Dungeon Mom:Basically a guy going to a BDSM/brothel kind of place and it turns out the woman he paid for is his mom. Yes it's incest themed so if it's not your thing ignore it.(last updated: 05/26/2014)
The character code.

charName:Mom;mood:Happy;bodyScale:1;arms:back,back;throatResist:50;hair:nami,1,1,1;iris:normal,56,100,137,1;breasts:110;skin:light;nose:normal;ear:normal;lipstick:1,0,0,0,1;eyeshadow:24,12,90,1;sclera:255,255,255,1;blush:196,80,77,0.35;freckles:60,24,24,0.8,0;mascara:24,12,90,1,100;nailpolish:84,0,6,1;eyebrow:normal,79,40,21,1,79,40,21,1;hairhsl:0,1,1,1;skinhsl:0,1,1,1;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:2;hisBody:male;hisPenis:0,1.05,1.05;balls:1,1.012;hisSkin:0;hisTop:shirt,238,242,245,1;hisBottoms:slacks,15,25,35,1;hisFootwear:loafers,35,25,15,1;collar:leather,0,0,0,1,232,240,255,1;cuffs:leather,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:none,255,255,255,1;top:none,255,255,255,1;armwear:elbowglove,0,0,0,1;legwear:garterbelt,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0;legwearB:latexthighhigh,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;footwear:highheel,0,0,0,1,84,0,6,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:none,24,24,24,1,255,255,255,1;tonguePiercing:none,0,0,0,1;earring:feather,84,0,6,1;herTan:none,0

Flame Atronach:Any skyrim fans? lol in any case it's about a guy who summons a flame atronach (basically a fire demon that normally fights for you.) And uses it for some unorthodox purposes. I would recommend using a background which depicts a home or a room inside a house, or something magical perhaps?
The char code I used.

charName:Flame Atronach;mood:Happy;bodyScale:1;arms:onlegs,onlegs;throatResist:50;hair:sdchan2,;iris:normal,255,255,0,1;breasts:110;skin:light;nose:normal;ear:normal;lipstick:1,0,0,0,1;eyeshadow:0,0,0,0;sclera:255,0,0,1;blush:0,0,0,0;freckles:60,24,24,0.8,0;mascara:0,0,0,1,0;nailpolish:0,0,0,1;eyebrow:normal,89,67,51,1,0,0,0,1;hairhsl:0,1,0,1;skinhsl:-6,4,0.58,4;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:3;hisBody:male;hisPenis:0,1.05,1.05;balls:1,1.012;hisSkin:0;hisTop:shirt,238,242,245,1;hisBottoms:slacks,15,25,35,1;hisFootwear:loafers,35,25,15,1;collar:leather,253,0,0,1,255,255,255,1;cuffs:leather,255,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;ankleCuffs:leather,255,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:none,255,255,255,1;top:none,255,255,255,1;armwear:elbowglove,0,0,0,1;legwear:latexthighhigh,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;footwear:highheel,0,0,0,1,255,0,0,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:batwings,0,0,0,1,255,0,0,1;tonguePiercing:none,0,0,0,1;herTan:none,0

 

[AaRL]

Not bad for your first uploads. There are a few tiny errors in them. Check out the Pims Dialogue checker link below to get his checker and correct the dialogues. Its a great tool to have regardless...

Pim_gd
http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=3524.0 (Dialogue Q&A)
http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=3820.0 (Dialogue Checker)
http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=4792.0 (Advanced Dialogue Guide)


Dungeon Mom:

Spoiler

Dialogue was checked in 36 ms with v2.13 of the DialogueChecker.

I found 6 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 1 were major issues, and 5 were minor issues.

Variables - Major: Unused variable ("played") in initial_settings line, linenumber 3, col 18, near "initial_settings:{"played":"false"}".

Line 3: initial_settings:{"played":"false"}


Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.

Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".

Grammatical error (space before exclamation mark) on line 6, col 12 near "(...) way... !!!!! (...)"

Line 6: 1:"[SHOCK]No way... *YOU*!!!!! What the hell???"{"next":"2"}

Stripped Line 6: 1:"No way... !!!!! What the hell???"{"next":"2"}


Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.

Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".

Space at start of new line on line 8, col 1 near "5:" you (...)"

Line 8: 5:"*YOU* you can't do that. Once you entered your room you have to.. well. Go through with it. Otherwise you are a witness and a liability. It's not exactly a legal business and they have cameras. "{"next":"6"}

Stripped Line 8: 5:" you can't do that. Once you entered your room you have to.. well. Go through with it. Otherwise you are a witness and a liability. It's not exactly a legal business and they have cameras. "{"next":"6"}


Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 52, col 34. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.

Line 52: gg01:"Thank you sir. I know he is "


Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (double sentence ending: !.) on line 53, col 40 near "(...) it!. (...)"

Line 53: first_dt:"(Holy shit she actually did it!. Despite the fact she is my mother. She is fucking sexy.)"{"style":"Him"}


Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.

Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".

Space before period for new line on line 67, col 18 near "(...) job . We (...)"

Line 67: vigorous:"Good job *YOU*. We need to convince them I just an object to you. "{"style":"Thought"}

Stripped Line 67: vigorous:"Good job . We need to convince them I just an object to you. "{"style":"Thought"}


Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.

Flame Atronach

Spoiler

Dialogue was checked in 76 ms with v2.13 of the DialogueChecker.

I found 3 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 1 were major issues, and 2 were minor issues.

Variables - Major: Unused variable ("played") in initial_settings line, linenumber 3, col 18, near "initial_settings:{"played":"false"}".

Line 3: initial_settings:{"played":"false"}


Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (double sentence ending: !.) on line 44, col 89 near "(...) hahaha!. (...)"

Line 44: intro2:"Holy shit! It worked! Holy shit... She is hot as... um.. well fire I guess hahaha!. Ok so Flame Atronach? What exactly do your services include?"{"style":"Him","next":"intro3"}


Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions:

Grammatical error (space before question mark) on line 80, col 39 near "(...) cum ?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}"

Line 80: cum_in_mouth:"So how do you like my cum *ME*?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}

Stripped Line 80: cum_in_mouth:"So how do you like my cum ?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}

Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.

 

[holic]

Not bad for your first uploads. There are a few tiny errors in them. Check out the Pims Dialogue checker link below to get his checker and correct the dialogues. Its a great tool to have regardless...

Pim_gd
http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=3524.0 (Dialogue Q&A)
http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=3820.0 (Dialogue Checker)http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=4792.0 (Advanced Dialogue Guide)Dungeon Mom:

Spoiler

Dialogue was checked in 36 ms with v2.13 of the DialogueChecker.I found 6 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 1 were major issues, and 5 were minor issues.Variables - Major: Unused variable ("played") in initial_settings line, linenumber 3, col 18, near "initial_settings:{"played":"false"}".Line 3: initial_settings:{"played":"false"}Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".Grammatical error (space before exclamation mark) on line 6, col 12 near "(...) way... !!!!! (...)"Line 6: 1:"[SHOCK]No way... *YOU*!!!!! What the hell???"{"next":"2"}Stripped Line 6: 1:"No way... !!!!! What the hell???"{"next":"2"}Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".Space at start of new line on line 8, col 1 near "5:" you (...)"Line 8: 5:"*YOU* you can't do that. Once you entered your room you have to.. well. Go through with it. Otherwise you are a witness and a liability. It's not exactly a legal business and they have cameras. "{"next":"6"}Stripped Line 8: 5:" you can't do that. Once you entered your room you have to.. well. Go through with it. Otherwise you are a witness and a liability. It's not exactly a legal business and they have cameras. "{"next":"6"}Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 52, col 34. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.Line 52: gg01:"Thank you sir. I know he is "Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (double sentence ending: !.) on line 53, col 40 near "(...) it!. (...)"Line 53: first_dt:"(Holy shit she actually did it!. Despite the fact she is my mother. She is fucking sexy.)"{"style":"Him"}Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".Space before period for new line on line 67, col 18 near "(...) job . We (...)"Line 67: vigorous:"Good job *YOU*. We need to convince them I just an object to you. "{"style":"Thought"}Stripped Line 67: vigorous:"Good job . We need to convince them I just an object to you. "{"style":"Thought"}Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.

Flame Atronach

Spoiler

Dialogue was checked in 76 ms with v2.13 of the DialogueChecker.I found 3 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 1 were major issues, and 2 were minor issues.Variables - Major: Unused variable ("played") in initial_settings line, linenumber 3, col 18, near "initial_settings:{"played":"false"}".Line 3: initial_settings:{"played":"false"}Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (double sentence ending: !.) on line 44, col 89 near "(...) hahaha!. (...)"Line 44: intro2:"Holy shit! It worked! Holy shit... She is hot as... um.. well fire I guess hahaha!. Ok so Flame Atronach? What exactly do your services include?"{"style":"Him","next":"intro3"}Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions:Grammatical error (space before question mark) on line 80, col 39 near "(...) cum ?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}"Line 80: cum_in_mouth:"So how do you like my cum *ME*?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}Stripped Line 80: cum_in_mouth:"So how do you like my cum ?"{"style":"Him","next":"CIM00"}Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.

Thank you for you reply. Btw I am a big fan of your work here so keep it up. I'll look into fixing the issues your mentioned.