Have you told your partner about zako? (1 Viewer)

[sabanur]

I'm curious to know if you've told your partner about your zako kink, if you plan to, and if so, how did she/he reacted? How was the approach to introduce this idea?

Personally I think it's a delicate issue, sometimes, some of us don't quite understand how far this kink is "weird" or "socially acceptable", sometimes we get scared of the "value judgments" from the people around us. I don't know if this is the feeling of the most, and I rarely find a more in-depth discussion. So let's discuss this?

 

[Henchgirl 29]

Easy yes! Honesty (and communication) is genuinely the most important part of making a relationship work! I learned this the hard way after I lost a partner of 4 years when she discovered the zako stuff I'd been hiding. Turns out she was more upset over the fact that I'd hid such a large and intimate part of my life, than about the nature of the fetish itself. After that, every relationship and even some friendships I've been in I have been open and honest about my fetish and it's been nothing but good. Turns out most people have weird kinks or at least some understanding that there is a line between fiction and reality. With zako being a huge interest of mine it's super refreshing to be able to talk about it with the ones I love most and something I wish I had learned earlier.

 

[sabanur]

Easy yes! Honesty (and communication) is genuinely the most important part of making a relationship work! I learned this the hard way after I lost a partner of 4 years when she discovered the zako stuff I'd been hiding. Turns out she was more upset over the fact that I'd hid such a large and intimate part of my life, than about the nature of the fetish itself. After that, every relationship and even some friendships I've been in I have been open and honest about my fetish and it's been nothing but good. Turns out most people have weird kinks or at least some understanding that there is a line between fiction and reality. With zako being a huge interest of mine it's super refreshing to be able to talk about it with the ones I love most and something I wish I had learned earlier.

I think that every zako fan, at some point in their dive into the universe, kept or keeps their stuff as a secret part of their lives. Often this stuff contains a large amount of photos and videos of fight, violence and humiliation. I certainly understand that almost everyone has a kink and it's completely acceptable to me, but it's inevitable to feel insecure if your partner's concepts would be as open as yours.

I also lost a relationship a few years ago, unrelated to my zako kink, but I was always scared of getting caught and what she would think about my personality, anyway, I come to the conclusion that I wouldn't be 100% happy with someone if that secret remained, it would be awesome if she got into the kink!

At the moment I have a new girlfriend, she is more receptive and I'm trying to find a way to introduce her, but the impression I have is that every day the challenge increases. I really admire your courage and your open mind, thanks for your reply!

 

[horatiojones80]

My previous relationships I kept it a secret. They expressed sentiments about porn being "icky" and "exploitative" and seemed to have some weird stigma around people who watched it and that definitely did not make me feel comfortable about sharing that part of my self. This new girl I'm seeing however seems different. I haven't told her yet as it isn't something I've told anyone, even my therapist, but if things keep going the way they are going I will tell her, and maybe even show her some of my work. For now I've just told her that I like panties, which is true.

 

[Weoooo]

I don't HAVE a partner, so I can't answer! But I don't think this stuff is unexplainable at all.

I think at its core, this thing is playing with power. Same as, honestly, most kinky stuff. The Zako is dangerous and at least serves evil, but helpless. The Hero is righteous and virtuous, but powerful. How do the two interact? What do they want? How do they get what they want? Who desires who and how does it play out?

I think it's one of the most understandable niche things I've seen. I suppose I'm hella biased here, but it's not like we're into watches, man. We like sexy bad girls/guys. If anyone's played a beat-em up, a vanillaware game, an MMO, or even lots of mobile gacha games now, they've seen examples of the specific thing we like. If they've ever seen an action movie of any kind, the Mook but Sexy is not a difficult concept. It's not like we have to explain how we ended up getting uncomfortably turned on by ladies in high heels revving an engine.

It's a dom/sub interplay stripped of the artificial wrapping designed to make it a subculture were people don't die; because it's a fantasy and not a subculture. It's not that much different, and honestly a much safer distance into fantasy, than the Student and Professor trade sexual favors for a grade, or the Secretary has sex with her Boss to avoid being fired, or all sorts of scenarios where someone with less power is interacting with someone with more.

 

[JoanCujoh]

When I was with my ex, we did discuss about fetish, and thats I realize that, when we introduce well the zako fetsih, it's not just "I like to murder people" fetish, it can be a genuine discussion over acting and playing in bed with your partner...also thats when I relize they were worse fetish than zako ha ha but heh no kinkshame XD

 

[KeiBree]

I did when I was earlier, and played out a lot of scenarios with him. However as I got older, I kind of got into different things in real life, and enjoy my zako kink kind of being my own thing I explore online then bringing into the bedroom. Now that I'm older/more successful, I think it's harder to get into the zako mindset "in my own body", so I like to explore it online.

 

[ZakoFighter]

I think for most people it really depends on the level of trust and communication. I don't think there is one way to go initiating the conversation, but what I do think is that there needs to be openness and understanding. That might take the form of several conversations and discussions about what you like, and whether you want it to be part of the bedroom or if you're not ready yet, you're not ready. I think it's important to discuss at some point, as the right person will never judge you for what you are into.

Like sabanur said earlier that more often the zako kink becomes kind of a secret early on. I knew that I liked expendable minions and goons in tight outfits before I finally found out what "zako" was at the dawn of the internet. I was always keeping this a secret through several relationships though until I felt safe enough to talk about it, because I didn't trust how someone would react. Right now we are at the point where she knows all about it and I've showed her several videos of the things I like, but haven't tried it in the bedroom yet. But she's completely understanding so I really love that I can talk about it. It took a long while to get there though.

 

[~Lily~]

I'm also not in a relationship at the moment either so I can't directly answer but I think it really depends on the person and that one-size-fit-all approaches like "you should always be honest" or "you should never tell anyone" aren't always applicable for these types of situations.

I know it's definitely due to my upbringing in a strict and religious family in a pretty socially conservative part of the US but I really cannot ever imagine myself talking about this in real life haha~

Even stuff like masturbation is quite taboo (especially for women), let alone this...

I think it's also important to remember that even if not all taboos are rational, there are still fundamentally underlying reasons behind why they exist.

Guys are strong. Like really really strong. I work in a warehouse and every time I've thrown my full body weight into moving some stupidly heavy piece of furniture only for a male coworker to nonchalantly pass me moving his with like one hand I'm reminded how helpless I would be if that force was directed at me instead.

I know even by female standards I'm really tiny and weak (and the average woman could probably beat me up too :3) but still, that's pretty scary...

If I didn't have this fetish myself and didn't understand why someone would be drawn to this type of thing, I would probably be quite uncomfortable if a prospective partner told me that they derive sexual pleasure from imagining themselves beating up scores of weak, pathetic, helpless girls just like me.

I know it's "just a fantasy" or whatever but the fact the possibility exists that, if I ever made them angry and they decided to act out that fantasy in real life, there would be nothing I could do about it is still pretty frightening.

Maybe if we were years into a relationship I would be more okay with it (even then, maybe not), but I think there's a reason why this is still definitely a very taboo thing, especially where I live.

 

[horatiojones80]

I think it's harder to get into the zako mindset "in my own body", so I like to explore it online.

This is exactly how I feel about it. When I watch a good zako scene, a good picture or am drawing one of my own I do not imagine myself actually taking part of the scene. I imagine that I'm just the viewer and that it's a "serious" movie that I'm watching and it unexpectedly takes a zako turn and it gets really awkward when the scene comes on because I'm horny (a real life occurance for some of these scenes) or I imagine that I'm banging the actress while watching the scene on repeat with her, but zako is not really something I could roleplay unless it involved actually making content which would be a tall order for a partner

 

[sabanur]

As said by Henchgirl 29, If you are in a long-term relationship, and your partner finds out your fetish or your zako stuff, it could be very disappointing and sometimes is an unrecoverable break of confidence, your partner may feel betrayed, not by the stuff itself, but by the fact that you are hiding something, and possibly many others, is a tricky situation.

On the other hand, Lily brought up another interesting point: when you are dating someone, “How much confidence do you need to have to understand that he/she is not a maniac, and this is just a fetish at a safe distance from reality?” We shouldn’t face this question literally. We know this answer will vary from person to person, but getting to this point is an important step in the process.

We reach one of the key questions: “Is there a more appropriate, or at least, a less complicated time to make this approach?” I know it is an intimate answer and it should be based on our own experience. I don't expect to come to an agreement here, but if each of us knows the right questions, casting different points of view, maybe we can find out individual solutions.

It's been great to follow this conversation, and I really think we're doing something productive here, thank you all!

 

[Zamaron1]

This is exactly how I feel about it. When I watch a good zako scene, a good picture or am drawing one of my own I do not imagine myself actually taking part of the scene. I imagine that I'm just the viewer and that it's a "serious" movie that I'm watching and it unexpectedly takes a zako turn and it gets really awkward when the scene comes on because I'm horny (a real life occurance for some of these scenes) or I imagine that I'm banging the actress while watching the scene on repeat with her, but zako is not really something I could roleplay unless it involved actually making content which would be a tall order for a partner

You could easily do it. Me and my brother Kristopherprime will sometimes have fun where we pretend to fight. You could do a similar thing, the girl dresses in a "zako" outfit and the "hero" you basically just go through the motions, like he puts his hands around her neck lightly and she pretends she's being choked, then goes limp, obviously not as good as the actors in the porn films, but enough that you play it out, then the hero "rapes" her, simply you pretend she's been beaten and at his mercy.

 

[Zamaron1]

While I'm in no relationship, yes it can be hard to share this with ANYONE. Being from a Christian family I remain one, but I do watch porn. And this was simply another step on that ladder. I've always been a fan of super heroes and action series, but one day when hitting puberty I don't know where it started, but a major part of my early Zako interest was Batman Beyond Return of the Joker, I just put the Dee Dee Twin scenes on loop and pretended they were a horde of them getting beaten.

I still keep this interest secret from everyone I know but my twin brother Kristopher Prime. Sure he oddlly switches away from the zako stuff if I walk in the room, odd since we both like it. But this is a pretty taboo thing. We are literally excited about seeing sexy bad girls beaten up, violance against women, something very frowned upon.

Like people have already said, you have 2 ways this could go bad for a relationship, you don't take too long telling them and they could jump to the conclusion that you're nuts due to the fact that it's watching girls get beat up that many of us are into here. But if you wait too long to tell them, then they could get emotionally hurt by the fact that you kept it secret, or they could get upset that you're "watching porn" as often times you essentially are. They could feel you're not devoted enough to them and leave. So much could esily go wrong from this being revealed or hidden to a partner, yet there's also the potential for strengthening a relationship as on a rare ocurnce you 2 might actually enjoy this together, it can then lead to some fun sex by buying costumes and playing out a scene, I often dream of how fun it would be to have a girlfriend into this too. But because this is so taboo the chances arn't very likely, just like you'll never know if the person you chose is truely right, it's why there's often a couple relationships before you find the right one.

The best advise I can try to give is, just hope. Hope that you'll make the right choice and it all works out. If it doesn't, then that's life, and they may not be the right person for you if they can't except this weird interest of your's, especialy if you just keep it to fiction and never get violant.

SO I wish everyone inthis predicament good luck. I hope your relationship works out.

 

[horatiojones80]

You could easily do it. Me and my brother Kristopherprime will sometimes have fun where we pretend to fight. You could do a similar thing, the girl dresses in a "zako" outfit and the "hero" you basically just go through the motions, like he puts his hands around her neck lightly and she pretends she's being choked, then goes limp, obviously not as good as the actors in the porn films, but enough that you play it out, then the hero "rapes" her, simply you pretend she's been beaten and at his mercy.

don't think I'd be that into that scenario though. I just want to sit back and watch everything, then maybe come in after and play with the limp loser of the fight at the end. I heavily prefer girl on girl. In fact male heroes are a major turn off for me. A bit harder to set up. Maybe I could do something where she's already down and I'm the lowly janitor that needs to drag/carry her away. I pretty much close my eyes and pretend I'm doing that that when I'm with a partner anyway. Another scenario I'd be into is that I'm a prisoner and she's a sexy prison guard who gets knocked out by the heroine and falls on top of me.

 

[Zamaron1]

don't think I'd be that into that scenario though. I just want to sit back and watch everything, then maybe come in after and play with the limp loser of the fight at the end. I heavily prefer girl on girl. In fact male heroes are a major turn off for me. A bit harder to set up. Maybe I could do something where she's already down and I'm the lowly janitor that needs to drag/carry her away. I pretty much close my eyes and pretend I'm doing that that when I'm with a partner anyway. Another scenario I'd be into is that I'm a prisoner and she's a sexy prison guard who gets knocked out by the heroine and falls on top of me.

Up to you what you do. As long as you're having fun with it.

 

[SimulatedOunce]

Jokes on you, I haven't got a partner....

You didn't specify, whether just letting a partner in on your fetish or to have said partner join in on your fantasy, so I'm going with the latter.

Speculation only here, the last girlfriend I had I'm reasonably confident probably definitely she'd been into it. We were both very open with each other talking about sex, kinks, and experimentation. She was a sub, heck, she had more fetishes than I do. Binds, swings, toys, roleplay and, my favorite, dressing up. She looked kinda like the FF VII: Advent Children version of Tifa Lockhart, so she did a lot of Tifa cosplay.

The thing is, we never explored zako roleplay and I have absolutely no idea why. I've been into ryona from a very young age and so looking back, I've actually wondered this myself about why we didn't explore it. My mind just draws a blank. Maybe this was one of the phases I kinda didn't think much about it? Maybe because we were always fighting all the time? Somehow, it just never crossed my mind with my last.

Following that, there've only really been two girls I dated for a significant length of time. Both of them I was dating at the same time. Both of them, on opposite ends of the political spectrum. And from their socio-political underpinning's, no need to speculate, because both of them were an easy 'no' on even less taboo topics.

That's about the extent of non-fling partners where we were far enough along that the opportunity to talk about such might have had the chance to develop. Well, mostly actually.

There was one more...

 

[Verdegris]

Not in all cases.
However, my current partner makes me look like plain vanilla by comparison.
I can definitely understand why it might not be a good topic to discuss for all relationships. Especially with other baggage often associated with the niche.
That said, it is very refreshing to be able to chat about particular kinks with an exploratory partner.

 

[Adrene]

I was lucky enough for my partner to be super into it, maybe even more so than me. We're both super into video games, and we like to discuss whatever turns us on. Early in our relationship, we often discussed basic video game enemies we found hot and what we'd do to them, and eventually I let him know that what we've been discussing is actually a fetish of its own. Since then "zako" has been a word he and I have used together basically every night. I don't think this is something I would've discussed with any of my previous partners, though. My first bf was like walking around egg shells when it came to anything intimate, let alone kinky, and my second was content enough with vanilla gay things. I think part of it has to do with getting older, because I have mentioned and explained zako to some of my close friends (the type you'd play an in-depth game of smash or pass with) at this point of my life.

I guess I can say, I'm more than happy to be in a relationship where my partner and I can so openly discuss our kinks with each other, but I understand that not every relationship can be like this.

 

[HurfBlurf]

While not talking about zako specifically initially, I did talk to my partner about my kinks, and it was a rather negative experience. I'll spoiler it since it's rather depressing, potentially. You've been warned.

Spoiler: Relationship Drama inside

The first time I spoke to my girlfriend at the time about the kink, I still hadn't fully understood it and mostly thought I was into snuff, inspired by killing sexy female enemies in Video Games (Diablo 1 Succubi, Tenchu Kunoichi and the like). So in the wake of discussing tabletop RPGs we talked about scantily clad female enemies in general and I mentioned how I find killing them rather erotic. This was rather disturbing to her and we didn't talk about it much further then. We were late teenagers then I believe.

A while later, after some downtime, Midnight Ladies was back online (Midnight Ladies) And I did mention it to her. She was interested in seeing it and I showed her some of the pictures, which she found deeply disturbing. Even years later, she still says how some of them haunt her in her sleep and how she's afraid when I twitch in my sleep.

We did end up exploring some 'more common' kinks that mostly came from her side, including BDSM, ravishment and other things, but there was always apprehension and problems when delving too deeply. I've not really been able to fully explain things due to all of the emotional baggage.
At one point I thought my online habits had been discovered, and so I brought them up and talked about the things I got into onlien (this was several years after the initial discussion), and let's just say things went very VERY poorly.

There've been more incidents since then and they've left a very significant mark on both of us as well as the relationship in general. I've since come to accept that it's not 'all my fault' and I'm not a bad person for my tastes, but I've also learned to be very careful about who to talk to them about. I strongly suggest to approach the topic carefully, especially if more hardcore stuff is involved.

 

[ViridianShine]

I'll throw in another perspective with a unique outcome with my fiancée and I.

Like some, I held off mentioning the violence against women portion of my henchwomen fetish to her when we were still dating, and it wasn't until she hinted that being the victim of Ryona was actually her fetish that I finally admitted my piece. She leaned far more into Ryona than I did, but, I figured that didn't matter at the time. I was elated. A match made in heaven, right?

Turns out, past the great foreplay, beating and defeating random attractive women I am not personally attached to is much easier than doing it to someone I'm very close with, and my dream scenario ended up a lot less appealing with a long term partner.

And, for her, there was a significant lack of danger due to both the consent and the fact that I was me. The interaction also made her realize that if her fetish was actually fulfilled properly, she'd probably feel rather unsafe outside of the bedroom.

The foreplay is still there, but we've both gone more vanilla in the end. We both also don't mind if the other uses online resources to explore our fetishes, but the whole ordeal made me frequent such things much much less than I used to.