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Cthulhudpc's dialogues

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by cthulhudpc, Jul 23, 2012.

  1. cthulhudpc

    cthulhudpc Potential Patron

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    I thought I would give making dialogues a try so here it goes and where it stops nobody knows.


    Here's my first dialogue. Let me know what you think or if I made any mistakes in the syntax of the actions or if you have any idea's on how I could improve it. Thanks.

    Setting: Some has guy has captured the girl after knocking her out. She wakes up bound, gagged and naked in a dark room trapped with no hope of escape.
    re uploaded after finding a few grammar and spelling errors

    EDIT: More stuff fixed thanks to some observant eyes from some observant people.

    [attachurl=1]
     

    Attached Files:

  2. blumisb

    blumisb Potential Patron

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    Overlook more .. intro lines don´t start at all.

    Haven´t looked further than .. :)
     
  3. T0mcat

    T0mcat Avid Affiliate

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    some corrections:

    Intro:"[WAKE]Where am I?"{"style":"Thought"}[Intro0]"
    Intro0:"Wait, why can't I close my mouth? My hands are bound as well! What's happening?!"{"style":"Thought"}[Intro1]"
    Intro1:Well it looks like you're finally awake. Now I can have my fun."{"style":"Him"}[HOLD][Intro2]
    Intro2:"I've been waiting for this for a long time."{"style":"Him"}[Intro3]
    Intro3:"I can't beleive you fell for this my trap."{"style":"Him"}[Intro4]
    Intro4:"I wasn't planning catching a cute girl like you but it was just my luck you were stupid enough to fall for it. Now prepare to have my dick shoved down your throat."{"style":"Him"}[Intro5]
    Intro5:"[SHOCK]It's huge! He can't possibly think that will fit in my mouth!{"style":"Thought"}[ADD_TEARS]"

    These would have to look like the following to work:

    Intro:"[WAKE]Where am I?[Intro0]"{"style":"Thought"}
    Intro0:"Wait, why can't I close my mouth? My hands are bound as well! What's happening?![Intro1]"{"style":"Thought"}
    Intro1:Well it looks like you're finally awake. Now I can have my fun.[HOLD][Intro2]"{"style":"Him"}
    Intro2:"I've been waiting for this for a long time.[Intro3]"{"style":"Him"}
    Intro3:"I can't beleive you fell for this my trap.[Intro4]"{"style":"Him"}
    Intro4:"I wasn't planning catching a cute girl like you but it was just my luck you were stupid enough to fall for it. Now prepare to have my dick shoved down your throat.[Intro5]"{"style":"Him"}
    Intro5:"[SHOCK]It's huge! He can't possibly think that will fit in my mouth![ADD_TEARS]"{"style":"Thought"}

    Typo in:
    resistance:"Come on and relax so I can get my dick all the way down your throat."{"sty;e":"Him"}
    (fourth line of resistance block.. should be:

    resistance:"Come on and relax so I can get my dick all the way down your throat."{"style":"Him"}

    And this one might not work, 'cause [IRIS_FLAT] isn't an available command.

    restart:"[IRIS_FLAT]Looks like you're almost broken and it's only been one day. That'll save me quite a bit of time if you break quickly."{"style":"Him"}

    Don't know what to do to achieve the wanted result.. maybe set her to [AHEGAO_MOOD]?

    Guess You'll take another look at the text, 'cause I might have overlooked some more typos/errors.

    And remember: those square bracket commands [] always have to be within the line marked by the " - the winged bracket commands come after the line and the "
     
  4. cthulhudpc

    cthulhudpc Potential Patron

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    @T0mcat: Thank you. Like I said in my original post I'm not familiar with the order that brackets and quotation marks go so thank for pointing that out and the spelling/grammar issues. I'll revise it immediately.

    Also the effect I'm going for in the last line with the [IRIS_FLAT] thing is eyes that look like this http://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=1140534
    Ahego doesn't work because she looks crazy/happy-ish
     
  5. egskalhamods

    egskalhamods Potential Patron

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    I apologize for my sudden intrudence, but I found this dialogue most intriguing!
    So.. I ended up making this my first ever "contribution" to this forum, even though it's just an edit of the manuscript! :D

    Do tell if I went a bit overboard with the whole idea here. It just made so much sense 8)

    EDIT: polished it some more!
     

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  6. cthulhudpc

    cthulhudpc Potential Patron

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    @egskalhamods I like the changes and additions you made to it. Keep on putting changes in it if you want.