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Reverse rape

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by BT, Oct 13, 2011.

  1. BT

    BT Potential Patron

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    The scenario here is basically the guy is not in control and the girl is a horny seductive women/girl

    Feel free to change the instances of "I" "My" "Me" to "big sis" "girlfriend" "servant" or whatever to better fit the role the girl is playing to your desires.

    I'd suggest you have the guy have his hands free as this was made where the girl is in control and the dialogue is catered to that and for good measure the girl's arm is anything but behind her back.

    Hope you like it
     

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  2. TetsuyaHikari

    TetsuyaHikari Avid Affiliate

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    Hmmm..I never thought about this before, but it could be interesting. I'll give it a shot later. Thank you for your contribution!

    EDIT: Okay, back with some impressions. The idea itself is nice, but the presentation could use some work. There are quite a few grammatical errors. When she says, "Hehehe", it shouldn't just run on with the sentence. For example:

    "Hehehe where were you aimming that?"

    This should read as follows:

    "Hehehe. Where were you aiming that?"

    Actually, it would probably be more proper to say, "Hehehe. Where were you aiming?" since the "that" is already pretty much implied. We know the guy is spraying his cum, there's no need to call it "that". Seems a little unnecessary. Don't get me wrong, "that" isn't incorrect.

    I'm just saying there are other ways to go about saying it. Also, I understand it's a reverse rape situation, but the use of "hehehe" was a bit excessive, in my opinion. It just seemed a little redundant to hear her laughing every other time.

    It can still be reverse rape without her sounding like a psycho bitch who forgot to take her medication today, heh. Again, this is just my take on it. I'm not saying it's wrong. Everyone has their own interpretation of a situation.

    Anyway! I like the idea, but I think it just needs a little tweaking and some grammatical fixes. Commas in proper places, periods, exclamation points, that sort of thing. Other than that, I think everyone here will agree that you made a good contribution regardless.

    We need more stuff like this :3
     
  3. BT

    BT Potential Patron

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    Thanks for the critique, it's always nice to see the dialogue seen from a different angle, as the author it's always hard to see your own flaws. I agree that there is no punctuation but I was just being lazy lol like having no periods but then again she's usually only saying one sentence anyway.

    If the "hehehe" is bothering anyone then of course they are free to edit that out on their own
     
  4. Downloaded it because the notion MUST be good ;)

    I'll probably do a quick check & edit soon for my own comfort, if you allow me I could do a repost?
     
  5. BT

    BT Potential Patron

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    You can repost an edited version I don't mind