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Tales Of Kriegmar: Linara - Good Intentions

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by TheCrimsonRisk, Nov 25, 2012.

  1. TheCrimsonRisk

    TheCrimsonRisk Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

    Jun 10, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Idoro was asking for ideas on what to draw and I threw out "Linara in a backbreaker". He drew it. Here's the story...

    Linara - Good Intentions


    It was a gorgeous summer afternoon and Linara was enjoying a delicious meal outside of the local tavern. She’d chosen to sit outside so she could enjoy the cool breeze and the fading sunlight. It wasn’t her plan to sit around as she was eager to continue following a lead she had recently heard about thieving operations in the area. However, her sword had experienced some wear and tear and the local blacksmith, thankful to her for having helped him out of a jam when she arrived in town, offered his services for free. As she saw the children playing in the streets and listened to the music trickling out from the tavern, she began to understand how people could settle down in places like this.

    “Thief! Thief!” The cry rang out from down the way, interrupting the peaceful occasion. Linara instinctively reached for her sword before remembering its whereabouts. A rough looking fellow carrying a conspicuous bag was darting in and out of the crowd, followed by several town watchmen. The thief was clearly outpacing them, but Linara knew she could catch him. The blacksmith was a few blocks away and she knew if she went to retrieve her sword, the thief would escape. There was only one thing to do then...

    Linara did her best to apologize as she navigated the townsfolk, but she couldn’t help knocking over the odd person here and there. It was difficult to gain ground on the thief under these circumstances. When the crowd began to thin out, Linara spotted a roof that she could climb up to that might provide a better path to her target. She bounded up a barrel and a tall haystack, getting on top of a shop while still keeping pace. Just when the thief ducked into an alleyway, Linara jumped off of the roof and tackled him to the ground.

    “Ha!” She boasted as she stood triumphantly over the crook. “You put up a good fight, but there’s no escaping justice! Now come with me and I’ll...” The alley began to grow dark and Linara sense movement around her. She didn’t realize how far she’d strayed from the city centre. From the shadows, several men emerged, but she couldn’t get a good look at their faces. She didn’t notice the largest one until it was too late.

    A hard punch connected with Linara’s chin and she was instantly dazed. She stumbled back only to be shoved hard to the ground. Multiple kicks rained down on her, but a husky voice ordered them to stand down. “This one’s mine,” he said.

    Linara was yanked up by her hair and slammed against the wall. Her attacker was relentless. He fired stiff jabs into her mid-section, then her face, then her mid-section again, giving her no chance to adapt. She wasn’t much good without a weapon anyway. The last shot, a knee to the stomach, doubled her over and she gasped loudly as she fell to her hands and knees. The gang whooped and hollered, showing their approval of the beat down. A thick boot pressed against the back of Linara’s neck forcing her to press her cheek against the filthy ground. “It takes a lot to catch one of my boys. I’m impressed. Walk away and don’t mention this to nobody. Deal?” He lifted his foot and Linara sat up.

    “The only deal...unnh...you’ll be making...is to provide information about your guild..ow...in exchange for mercy.” Linara didn’t tolerate bullies and she thought she might be able to talk her way out of this mess.

    There was silence, then the big man began to laugh. “Okay, I see we’ve got a vigilante on our hands. Let’s show her how we deal with vigilantes.” He got a handful of the front of Linara’s leotard and used it to pull her face to face. His head snapped forward and his skull collided with Linara’s. The sharp head butt put her on spaghetti legs and she nearly blacked out, but the thug shook her to make sure she was awake for his next move. He cradled her in his arms, his rocking almost soothing in a perverse way, and looked Linara in the eyes. “Here comes the pain, sweetheart.”

    The man knelt down and brutally snapped Linara’s back across his knee. She screamed loudly as he held on to her legs and pressed his hand against her face. His knee dug into her curvy back and while there was some flesh and muscle to cushion the impact, she could still feel the bone poking into her spine. The resulting cracking sounds were more than satisfying for the creepy audience. Linara had never been hurt like this before and the sensation of being seriously injured was terrifying. The big man pushed her off and stomped on her back one last time for good measure. As she yelped, the man chuckled. “Good. You’ve still got a lot of feeling down there. Be thankful.” They dispersed, leaving the fallen heroine in the darkness.

    When the villagers found her, Linara was hovering on the edge of consciousness. There was a bruise on her head and her face was covered in a mixture of dirt and tears. Minor cuts and scrapes covered her arms and legs. The kind townsfolk did their best to transport her, but every movement was extremely painful. The doctor was able to treat her fractured back and luckily, Linara was blessed with generous regenerative capabilities. It was weeks before she could walk around normally, much less engage in her usual combat training. It was even longer before she would consider going after the thieves’ guild.

    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2013
  2. Raden

    Raden Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

    Sep 24, 2011
    Likes Received:
    I'd refrained from commenting cause I already told you what I think of this, but I may as well put it in here too. The mention of the tears just completely made this story.I find myself feeling bad for her, something that very rarely happens, and yet it didn't take some Tale of Two Cities length story to get it across. A simple scene, a quick beating, a generous description of her plight, and that's all it needed. Less really can be more, and this story totally exemplifies that.
  3. Ryona_Scribe

    Ryona_Scribe Guest

    I have to agree. Reading through my old entries and the entries of others, I have noticed vivid detail being put in the correct place can make a story far more interesting to read than loads of build-up. Reading these new Tales Of Kriegmar stories, I have to applaud your talents, CrimsonRisk and Raden. I think I am going to go back to square one, see if I can improve on my own material. Very good stories, both of you. Keep up the great work. :)