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Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Relampagos, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

    Dec 12, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Hey, i'm back with another story. This one's a bit longer than the Kokoro one, but hopefully you guys will be able to stay entertained. The beginning's a bit slow but I really wanted to add to the feel of the story. If you guys want me to cut the intro crap next time, feel free to let me know. Please leave suggestions and comments. Who should get ryona'd next? Anyways, enjoy!


    It was a chilly night. Snow, so white and pure, drifted down from the darkening sky. Each speckle sparkled in the moonlight, spiraling lazily with the moderate breeze before finally succumbing to gravity, falling to the filthy ground. Once dragged down to the earth, the snowflakes, once delicate symbols of beauty, quickly disintegrated upon contact with the hard streets of Manhattan. The main city was alive with activity despite the time of day. In fact, the city is so bright with light even in the night that some say that if one were to look up "light pollution" in the dictionary, a picture of Manhattan would come up, along with some other cities. It certainly did seem plausible on this night, for light radiated from thousands of sources... cars, flashing signs and skyscrapers...

    Despite the bright exterior, Manhattan also had a darker side... gangs were very common in rougher parts of the city. And the rough parts of the city were fairly large. In the heart of the gangland was an abandoned warehouse, once used for wine exports. However, the business in ownership of the building went under in the recession and nobody took responsibility of the warehouse. This proved to be a mistake, for this night, in that very warehouse, a terrible crime was being committed...

    "Greetings, Mr. Leung. I am the number two man of the Hei Long gang. Tsang. Remember me?" said a lean, dangerous-looking Chinese man into a phone. "Regardless, we have your daughter. She's in quite some... agony right now..." At this point, the sound of a fist striking flesh pierced through the air, followed by a teenaged girl's scream, accentuating what he'd just said. The man grinned slightly. "Anyways, you probably know what we're getting at. We're demanding $3,000,000 in cash at the docks by the abandoned warehouse at dawn tomorrow; otherwise we'll do something a little worse than we're doing right now. Don't forget."

    Tsang slipped his cell-phone into a concealed pocket within his black leather jacket. He turned around to face his three subordinates.

    "Lee! Suen! Let's finish up for today. We don't want her--" Tsang pointed at the beaten girl lying on the floor, barely moving, "to die before tomorrow. She's probably not, since at this point we've mostly inflicted surface injuries, but you never know."

    The gang members, two men and one woman, all in their twenties, had all done quite some work for their organization. That day had been a tiring one for them. For the poor girl, it had been something worse than just tiring...

    The girl's name was Lily, an American name, despite her Asian background. Her parents had emigrated from Hong Kong to New York 23 years ago. Lily, 16, was born and raised in the States, and as such spoke with no accent, and acted just like any other girl in the region. Friends, clothes, and makeup were very important to her, and so was popularity. At her high school, Lily was the most popular girl there, by popular opinion. Nobody said it but the vast majority thought it. She earned mostly As in all her classes, with the occasional B+. Lily was also the captain of the varsity volleyball team. Of course, Lily was also interested in boys. She had no problem with the opposite gender. She was all a man could want: smart, confident, outgoing, kind, athletic, and pretty. She was exceptionally attractive. Her sparkling, large eyes slanted up at the ends slightly, giving them a delicate look, and her long, layered hair danced gracefully in breezes. She had a nice figure from sports, not too soft and pudgy yet not too hard and muscly either.

    The day began just like any other, with school, starting in the morning. Eight hours of monotony later, the sharp ring of the bell marked the end of the school day. All of a sudden, clusters of adolescents flooded out the doors. Among them was Lily, excitedly talking to her friends. Eventually, the band of girls disintegrated as they went to their buses. Finally, it was just Lily and her best friend Hannah.

    "Trigonometry today was probably the boringest class I've ever had... Mr. Jackson just keeps yakking on and on..." complained Hannah.

    "Really? For me it was pretty fun, and not just because I'm Asian and I'm 'good at math'. Did you see his three wisps of hair bobbing up and down with each stroke he made on the chalkboard?" grinned Lily. "Quality entertainment."

    "Haha sure," laughed Hannah. "Hey, I just wanted to say, you look really good in socks and flats today. Not many can pull it off, but you certainly did!"

    "Why thank you!" said Lily graciously. She wiggled her left foot playfully. Wearing white socks and ballet flats was usually not done, but Lily made it look great. "Well, here's where I've got to turn to ride on the subway. See you tomorrow!"

    The two girls split, and Lily continued on alone. She was impatient to get home, so she decided to take a shortcut through a rougher part of town. Her overly protective father had warned her against it several times, but she didn't really heed his precautions anymore. Today, it turned out to be a mistake.

    The moment she rounded the corner of the block, a man with a scar through his eyebrow clubbed her in the back of the head with a baseball bat.

    "Agh!" Stunned and confused, Lily collapsed to the ground. What was that? She rubbed her eyes to clear up her vision and she saw two strong men and a deadly looking woman looming over her. The woman grinned a grin that gave Lily goose bumps.

    "Cya," said the woman casually. Whap! A vicious kick to the face snapped Lily's head to the side, knocking her out cold.

    "Nice one Suen," whistled Tsang. "C'mon boys, let's haul her outta here."


    The threesome dragged their victim to the warehouse by her ankles.

    Lily was awoken with a brutal slap. She gasped in shock, and her eyes fluttered open. As her eyes focused, she saw the same three people as before when she'd been knocked to the ground.* She'd been kidnapped! Lily looked at her surroundings. She appeared to be in an abandoned storehouse of some sort, and her hands were tied to a pillar with strong rope. She struggled against her bindings anxiously, but they didn't budge.

    "Wh-what do you w-want?" Lily was trembling with fear.

    "We want money. But we'd like to play a little bit with you too," sneered the man with the scar. Even though he looked Chinese, he had no foreign accent, as with each of the others. They were all raised in America. "Tsang, can I have the honor of breaking her in?" he asked as he cut the ropes binding Lily, keeping one iron-fisted hand clamped on her shoulder to prevent her from fleeing.

    "What? What are you doing?" demanded Lily, confused and scared.

    Everyone ignored her.

    "Go ahead, Lee," said a handsome man in his late twenties. He was very good-looking, but his face looked hard and cruel, hinting at a hard childhood.

    Lee smiled eagerly. He cocked back his fist and sank it deep into Lily's stomach, forcing a rush of air out of her lungs. Lee paused slightly to savor the sensation of his fist in the unfortunate girl's body. Man did he love his job. A moment later, Lee socked her again. And again. And again. His fists and arms were a blur of motion; one after another, they buried themselves in the poor girl.

    "Hughk! Gaghk! Hyaahh!" Lily's face was contorted with pain. Her legs jerked with each blow.

    Lee shoved one last punishing blow up the poor girl's gut, this time forcing out a loud scream and some of her blood. This punch was especially brutal, connecting with a solid thud. Lily's body folded in half; chest coming down and legs jerking up, and she hurtled through the air. She was granted half a second of painless reprieve and weightlessness, but it ended all too soon as gravity slammed her into the hard ground. She tumbled backwards head-over heels, kicking up dust.

    When she finally came to a stop, she'd already tumbled several yards. Lily brought her knees up to her chest, curling up in a ball, and rolled around in pain. Her clothes, spotlessly clean earlier, were now scuffed up. Dust had gotten on her white tank top, and her dark blue skinny-jeans were torn. Her right shoe had come off during the rough experience with the ground she'd just had, leaving her foot exposed, protected only with her sock. Lily coughed several times, struggling but failing to get the air back in her lungs. There was a small stream of blood running from the corner of her lips. The repeated punching had left her feeling the need to throw up. She tried to crawl away without her tormentors noticing, but it was in vain. Suen strode over to the struggling girl's side. She took a fistful of Lily's long hair and yanked her roughly to her feet, making the girl cry out in pain, tears glistening at the corners of her eyes.

    "Trying to escape, are we?" mocked Suen. "We don't tolerate that around here." Suen slapped her with an open palm, enjoying the loud sound of her hand smacking against Lily's cheek. Suen took the same hand and smacked Lily across the face again; this time with the back of her hand on Lily's other cheek. Lily squeezed her eyes shut, trying to resist the urge to cry and scream.

    Next, the Suen drove a hard knee into her victim's head, knocking her to the floor again. Using Lily's long hair as a handle, Suen punched Lily repeatedly until tears streamed down her bruise-covered face. Suen shoved her captive to the floor. She laid down on the ground next to Lily's legs and grabbed the bottom of Lily's right foot with one hand, clamping onto her ankle with the other.

    "We can't have you running away," said Suen, "so I'm going to break your ankle. Sorry if you need it."

    "No...don't...AAAAGH!" Lily's cruel tormentor sharply cranked her foot to the right at an obscene angle so that Lily's inner ankle was aligned with her kneecap. Her broken foot flopped uselessly to the side. Lily's words came in gasps now.

    "Wh-why... are you... beating... m-m... me...?" Lily asked, looking up at her aggressors, her large feminine eyes shining with tears.

    "If you want to know so bad, it's because of your father."


    "He's not really the business man you think he is," answered Tsang. "He's the leader of a notorious gang called the Hell Snakes, which is based in Hong Kong. Our gang and the Hell Snakes have been warring for quite some time now.
    Us beating the shit out of you is an act of retribution. Five years ago, your father kidnapped our boss's daughter, 15 at the time, and beat her up really bad. She was left in critical condition for weeks. And that person your daddy had beaten happens to be Suen over there."

    Lily was shell-shocked. She could scarcely believe it. But Tsang didn't look like he was lying. It also explained her dad's frequent yet randomly timed "business trips" and how he never talked about his work.

    "That's right. Just getting my sweet, sweet revenge. Whatever, break time's over now." Suen had a, intense, dark look on her face.

    The twenty-year old woman straightened up grabbed one of Lily's ankles with each hand and lifted them up off the ground slightly spreading them. She brought one of her feet forward in preparation for what was she was going to do, clad in heeled boots. Suen looked to Tsang and Lee for approval.

    "Take your boots off. We don't want to break her like that quite just yet, or cause any permanent damage," advised Tsang. "All we're trying to do for now is put her in a lot of pain."

    Suen looked disgruntled but still slipped one boot off, revealing white ankle length socks tucked over her black tights that clung to her curvaceous legs. She lifted that foot up over Lily's crotch, her leg bent at the knee. Suen stared into Lily's frightened eyes and grinned a wild, sadistic grin. Lily's eyes widened with fear and dread as she realized what Suen was about to do to her.

    "NO, PLEASE, NO, NO, DON'T DO THIS TO ME, PLEASE, NOOO---KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Lily screamed as Suen stomped hard between Lily's legs. Her vision was red. Blood rushed through her head. Her crotch throbbed, the pain overwhelming her. Suen brought her de-booted foot up once more and stomped down again, pulling Lily's legs up slightly to maximize the impact. This time she kept her foot in the fork between the Asian girl's legs, applying pressure with her foot and pulling Lily's legs up at the same time. Lily squealed and struggled on the floor, trying to escape the terrible punishment being inflicted upon her.

    Suen reveled in Lily's agony as she screamed. She twisted and grinded her foot between her victim's legs, trying to inflict as much pain as she could. A minute passed. Two minutes passed. Lily's screams faded to whimpers after three. Suen finally released her, only to kick Lily in the face with the same foot. She leaned forward to feel Lily's breasts, squeezing and caressing with a hungry expression. Her breasts were perky, soft, yet firm, so perfectly formed. With her other hand, Suen groped Lily between the legs and squeezed and tickled. Lily moaned and blushed, squirming in Suen's strong grasp. Not only were they beating her, they were violating her!

    "Ah... that was nice. Tsang, she's all yours now," said the Suen, satisfied with her retribution.

    "You guys have really done quite the number on her already..." remarked Tsang, but he jumped on the shivering form on the floor anyway. He mounted her, pinning Lily's arms to the side and began to work on her head and chest. Smack! Thwap! Fwud! Fwack! Tsang alternated fists and punched the young girl left and right. Lee, who'd been lounging on the floor, sat up in interest. He watched as Tsang pummeled the girl, each punch making her legs jerk. Lily's broken foot flopped around on the dirty ground, dust dirtying it, turning some of the white cloth into brown.

    Tsang let up and scooped Lily off the floor like a pancake, standing her up, only to send a vicious kick into Lily's back, pinning her to a wall with his foot, face first. Lily exhaled sharply and arched her spine in pain. Next, Tsang gave her a brutal low blow that lifted Lily clear off the ground, her toes gripping nothing but air. Tsang caught her out of the air with strong arms, one hand clutching Lily's crotch and the other on her shoulder and slammed her already beaten form into his hard knee in a vicious back-breaker.

    Not letting the punishment end there, Tsang began to shoot rapid-fire punches into Lily's exposed belly. As screams faded to gasps, and gasps faded to whimpers, Tsang finally stopped his punishment and rolled his victim off his knee and onto the cold floor of the warehouse. He examined the beaten Chinese girl. Her skinny jeans were ripped in various places, exposing some of the skin on her perfect legs. The crotch area of her pants had boot prints on it, and it was slightly torn, showing some of Lily's white panties. Lily's foot was bent at an awkward ankle, resting limply against the ground. Her white tank top was ripped and dirty with dust. The girl's face was covered in bruises, but strangely it wasn't swelling. There was a stream of blood running from the left corner of her mouth, which was hanging open. Lily's once lively and attractive eyes were glazed over.

    Tsang stood up and stomped down hard between Lily's legs, then again in the belly. Her body jerked with the blows, but he observed that her face showed no signs of pain.

    "Alright, let's take a break. We've beaten her unconscious," said Tsang. "We don't want her dying on us. Next beating starts in two hours. This time I'll make the call to her dear father."

    Lee sat down on the unmoving form and took out a piece of beef jerky. They were all tired from the vigorous thrashing they had just dealt out to the poor Asian beauty named Lily. Her attractive body lay still on the cold hard ground, unconcscious, and her delicately beautiful face bore the marks of a vicious and cruel beating. Lily's days of agony and torture had begun.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2015
  2. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

    Dec 12, 2012
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    Yall didn't seem to enjoy this one too much :/
    What should i change for next time?
  3. onlinehero

    onlinehero Swell Supporter

    Dec 15, 2009
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    Character maybe? :P
    I dunno about others but I've noticed that I'm lot more interested in reading when it's about some superheroine/video game girl that I know. Images help too.
  4. mm_mml

    mm_mml Vivacious Visitor

    Nov 30, 2010
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    Most people prefer to just lurk instead of comment and agree about the character thing. imo its more enjoyable if its ryona about a character I already know about
  5. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

    Dec 12, 2012
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    Alrit, I will keep that in mind. Thanks for letting me know!