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Raider Revenge WIP

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by thedeathcake, May 12, 2012.

  1. thedeathcake

    thedeathcake Potential Patron

    Sep 17, 2011
    Likes Received:
    Hey guys. This is my first fan fiction. It's not actually finished yet, I reckon i'm only about 1/3 the way through, but i thought i'd post it here and get some feedback, and some suggestions for improvement, especially describing the "important" scenes. Sorry if the grammar is poor, and I have left any spelling mistakes.

    Chapter 1

    The doorbell rang and the man checked the video feed from the front door.

    “She’s here. You want her sent through?”

    “Yes. Send her to my study.”

    The gruff voice sounded to the front door intercom.

    “It’s open.”

    The buzzer rang out and she pushed the huge wooden front door open, with her gloved leather hand. She wore a tight fitting long coat, and leather boots that reached half way up her calves, concealed by the long coat, and carried a briefcase constructed with a solid steel exterior. The woman made her way into the hallway. It featured a high ceiling, classy décor and a chandelier. It fit the buildings old style exterior perfectly.

    “Your coat Miss?”

    An uncomfortable looking chap, squeezed into a suit quipped.

    “Thank you. And my umbrella?”, she coldly replied, in her perfectly spoken English accent.

    “Of course”

    The man said in a begrudging tone, with a half meant smile. Something didn’t feel right to the woman, but this was her only opportunity and she had to take it. Finding a buying for rare items, such as the one she possessed didn’t come along very often. Plus she needed access to the vault as well. She gracefully removed her coat and passed across her umbrella, to reveal the tight horse riding attire that clung and hugged every inch of her perfectly formed legs and behind, down to the clunky, rugged footwear. So tight, the visible outline of a high cut undergarment was visible. She wore an equally tight black sweater that sat just below her waist line. Her hair was braided and reached down to her rear.
    The man tried to remain professional, only glancing whenever he though she couldn’t see. She did though. Her outfit was doing it’s job, and distracting this poor excuse for a butler. She assessed him when she first came through the door. The way he moved, suggested perhaps he had combat training, and would probably be best avoided in a hand fight. This mission was not one of combat though. Get in, tie up the trade, and try to pin point the vault.

    “This way, Miss Croft…”

    Lara followed. She was mindful this could be a trap, but weighed the risks up and came to the conclusion he had more to lose if this turned sour. People wouldn’t want to deal with a man who killed his clients. It would be bad for business. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself. Dangerous situations motivated Lara, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

    She followed the man through a few corridors, until they reached a red door. The only one she had seen so far.

    “Through this door, then first on the left. You can’t miss it.”

    There was something off about this man. He demeanor, the words he used. It all seemed too forced.
    He reached over and turned the round brass door knob, and held it open for Lara to go through. She nodded in thanks, and walked by the man, who deliberately left little room for her to pass, so she had to brush past him. She swore the man smelled her hair on the way by. His eyes followed her behind as she progressed up the corridor. He had never seen such a perfectly formed woman before. The wall mounted lights, combined with the low ambient light, accentuated her shapely behind, in those riding trousers. Lara had noticed the door hadn’t closed yet, and turned her shoulder and neck to see the mans stare, and it’s direction. It never changed, and she nervously turned her attention to the door on the left.

    The door opened and the man set his eyes on Lara as she came through the door.

    “Ah Miss Croft. It truly is a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” , the man said in a cheery, yet professional manner.

    He rose from his chair, and approached Lara with an outstretched hand. She mustered a brief smile and firmly shook his hand.

    “Indeed. Thank you for meeting. I’m afraid I know very little about you, Mr. Land.”

    “Well ask away if you have any questions. I’m excited about this artifact. It should complement my collection quite well!”

    “Yes, I should trust the artifact will be satisfactory.”, she said, directing a head movement towards the briefcase.

    “Please sit Miss Croft”, the man directed a hand gesture towards a luxury leather chair. He waited for her to sit, before taking his own seat behind his solid mahogany desk.

    “I must say, you’re not what I expected. A lady who deals in your line of work, doing what she does. I wasn’t expecting someone as…”

    He paused for a moment, carefully choosing his words.

    “Well, let’s just say, I’ve met a few other female explorers, and they have been a little rough.”

    “One must look after themselves, Mr. Land.”

    He cast a quick glance over Lara, her impressive bust, small waist, tight, athletic thighs, all packed into a small frame. He returned his attention to her face. She had such a beautiful jaw structure, perfect symmetry, and deep brown eyes you would get lost in. Her accent. Her voice.

    “Yes, quite.”, raising an eyebrow as he spoke.

    He had visions in his head of Lara in her tomb raiding attire. That tight green one piece, pressing against those breasts, wrapping around her waist, pulling tight between her legs, cut just above her shorts. Rumour was she never wore any support under it.. He was getting hot just on thought of all of this. And those shorts. Those tiny, tiny shorts, clinging tightly around her perfect behind, hugging her legs leaving little to the imagination. Just enough though. But no man even got close to her, and those that forced the issue, were not longer around to speak of it. A dangerous woman to cross, but it was something, as a collector, he desired to have. He just noticed Lara has said something.

    “Mr. Land… Are you alright? Do you wish to see the artifact now?”

    She had no concern for his wellbeing, but had to bring him back to the issue at hand.

    “Of course. My apologies. I… sorry, I must take this call.”, he said, interrupted by a phone call. He rose with an apologetic look on his face, exiting though a side door.

    Lara sat patiently, scanning the room. A few artifacts caught her eye, sitting on high shelving in the corner of the room. She moved closer to investigate, reaching high to touch it.

    In the side room, the butler and Mr. Land sat in front of a control console. A grid of monitors, each showing different locations within the property flickered. The butler opened up the study room cameras, and the monitors flashed on, with different camera positions filling each screen. The butler took control of the desk camera, positioning it on Lara as she reached for the artifact. As she reached up, her tight black sweater pulled up. Revealing a tight grey top underneath.

    “Look at that boss. Look. At. That.”, the butler said, fixated on the screen.

    “Yes I see it. It’s very nice.”

    “Very nice… Very fucking nice? What’s wrong with you. She’s lucky. We can show her a real good time.”

    The butler reached out, and touched the screen, his fingers following the curves of her waist and hips.

    “We’re not here for that. If we fuck this up, it’s my balls on a fucking plate. No damage to the goods, we get full price. You know the deal, so keep your dick in check, and keep in in your fucking pants.”

    Both men looked back to the screen as she reached for another piece.

    “Aw man. You’re kidding me. You’re fucking kidding me… Look at that!”

    Lara’s top stretch out from her riding trousers and revealed itself to be a body suit. The material stretching and pulling downwards under her trousers, as the material line of the bodysuit gathered and bunched between her firm rounded buttocks, showing bare skin at her hips. The butler wiped his face.

    “Not even a little bit…?”

    Mr. Land threw him a look.

    “You know the plan. Secure the doors and release the gas.”

    “Yes sir.”

    The butler reached over the activate the door locks, and pushed the buttons. The audible sound of the doors locking, alerted Lara. She put the artifact back and fixed her attire to a more comfortable position. She tried the door she had entered through, but it was firmly locked. She raced over to the side door, the man had disappeared through, but that was locked as well. Brilliant, she thought. A trap. She knew it, but had ignored her suspicions.

    “Mr. Land. What is the meaning of this. I demand to be let of this room.”

    The intercom crackled into life.

    “Miss Croft. Lara”

    “Miss Croft will do fine. Release me!”

    “Lara. Your days of making demands, stealing items that don’t belong to you, and being a general nuisance, are coming to an end. Your about to become someone else’s property. How ironic, for someone who makes it their business to collect things. I don’t usually sell anything I have. Especially anything as…”

    Again, he paused to find the words.

    “Impressive as you.”

    “Flattery will get you nowhere. Let me out of this room, and I might not have to kill you, or your pet.”, she snarled.

    “Pet!? I’ll fuckin have you, you stuck up bitch. I’ll fuck you up in as many ways as I can think of. Nothing that a bit of cock can’t solve!”.

    "As many ways as you can think of? I should be ok then...", Lara responded.

    The butler was furious. Mr. Land deactivated the intercom momentarily.

    “Quiet you!”

    “Let me out there! I’ll fuckin show her. Just gimme me 5 minutes. That’s all I need…”

    “Control yourself Serg, for god sakes.”

    The intercom crackled again. Lara realised how unstable the butler was.

    “Hey, butler. Come out here and play. Stop hiding behind your master. I’ll ask him nicely to take your leash off.”

    “Nice try Lara.”

    “Miss Croft to you.”

    “As I said, nice try. Lara.”

    Her face tightened in slight anger. It was clearly a sticking point for her. She looked around to evaluate other possible escape routes. There were none.

    “There’s only 2 ways in and out of that room Lara. Both are sealed. I suggest you take a seat, so you don’t bang your head.”

    Lara processed that statement. Gas. She will be knocked unconscious. And with the lunatic butler through there, this might not end well for her. Fear and dread began to overcome her. Scenaros poured through her head. Maybe this attire was a bad move. Who were these collectors that were ‘purchasing’ her. She pulled out her comms device for inside her turtleneck bodysuit. No signal. No dam signal. No-one is coming for her. She had left no note about her trip, as they would have tried to stop her.

    Back in the control room, Mr. Land gave the signal for Serg to activate the gas.

    “Good night Lara. Sweet dreams . We are both disappointed we didn’t get to spend… more time with you.”

    Four dispensers around the room began to emit a hissing sound. The room was filling up with a clear gas, as Lara try to barge down the solid wooden door. She thumped her fists repeatedly off it’s hard, unwavering surface.

    “Help me! If anyone can hear me! *cough* *cough* help… me…”

    Lara felt faint just as a small explosion smashing through the side wall. 3 soldiers burst through. One of the soldiers approached Lara and smashed a fist into her mid section, sending her to the floor. Mr. Land and Serg watched on from the control room. Serg was trying to unlock the doors, but the electronics has been damaged in the blast. They both watched on as the soldier dragged Lara to her feet, slamming another hard fist into her stomach. They could both hear her cries of pain as the soldier pounded away. Finally he through Lara over his shoulder and walked towards the hole in the wall. Serg quickly changed views to see Lara’s ass and body suit pulling out, and she dangled over the mans shoulder.

    “We’re not getting full price now Boss. Are we?”

    Chapter 2

    Lara awoke with her hands bound over her head, hanging from a pipe in what she assumed was the basement room. Her feet didn’t quite touch the floor, but she was relieved she was still fully clothed. She had been in a few “situations” where she had been stripped of most of her clothes. Typical men. They can’t keep themselves in check, especially in her line of work. There is no moral code. When underground, in a tomb, or cave system, with no-one within 50 miles, rules don’t seem to apply. Men are stupid though, leading with their dick. That’s where they all fail, and that’s what has kept her safe. She knows how to play a man.

    These men were different. They weren’t interested in abused her sexually or stripping her. They wanted something though. They had kept her alive, but for how long. The door opened and one of the soldiers entered the room. He placed a toolbox on the metal table just beside the door and moved closer to Lara. She was slightly spinning, as he feet couldn’t keep her position, so he placed a hand on her hips, his fingers just touching her bum, and straightened her. God, maybe was wrong. She stared straight into the soldiers cold eyes. His hands released and she remained stationary. He turned around and took a pace backwards, then came forward with a right hand, straight to her stomach. Her hard abs absorbed all the impact of the blow and her body swung backwards.

    “owwwwwwwww…..”, she struggled to catch a breath.

    The man caught her hips again, and steadied her.

    “owwwwwwwwwwwwwww….. *cough* what, *cough*, what do you want from…”, before she could finish, another crushing blow to her mid section. He grabbed her jaw ightly and brought his face close to hers.

    “You do not speak now. You understand?”

    Lara nodded. He tightened his grip.

    “I didn’t hear you. Do. You. Understand?!”
    Lara tried to say yes against the force of his hand holding her jaw.

    “uuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhh…. *cough cough* *cough*”

    The man unloaded another brutal hook to her stomach.

    “I told you not to speak.”

    He smiled and walked off to his toolbox. Lara’s head was down and she was coughing. The hits she took were hard and rocked her body. She squeezed her eyes shut, to try and shut out the pain. She tried to focus on the items the man was removing from his toolbox, and she spun back and forth. He had some kind of electrical device. A long smooth baton with wires coming from it, that plugged into a control unit of some kind, that in turn, plugged into the mains.
    Another soldier burst through the door, with seaming urgent news. The other man showed some concern as the news unfolded. He picked up his weapon.

    “Private, stay with the target.”, he shouted down the corridor.

    They both set off as another man, dressed in camo gear came through the door. He closed it behind him and stood in the shadows.
    The only light in the room shone down from above where Lara was hanging. It cast appealing shadows over her shapely form. The man circled around and caught her from behind.

    “What do you want from me.”, Lara whimpered, struggling to keep the pain under control.

    “I thought you were instructed not to talk, Lara”

    He ran his hands down her body, over her thighs and circled back up to her behind.

    “Fantastic Miss Croft. Really. You are a fine specimen of a woman. I love the outfit today.”

    The man eyes poured over her body, taking a step back to admire the view. He started her body spinning slowly, trailing a finger over her riding trousers, and stopping her, face on.

    “Do-do we know each other?”

    Lara’s voice had noticeable fear in it. She was trapped, beaten, and wasn’t taking bets on what was coming.

    “Yes. Yes we do actually. The caves in Bolivia. I watched you kill my father. I watched what you did before you killed him. That’s no way for a man to die…”

    Lara cast her mind back. She had only killed one man there. She remembered. She was running to escape the collapsing cave structure. She had cleared the area and when suddenly ended up on her back. Someone had essentially clotheslined her. She remembered her vision was blurred. Someone was taking things from her backpack. But, they didn’t stop there. She was rolled onto her front. Her belt was being unclipped. Hands were reaching round. Her gun straps were unfastened from her legs, so her shorts could be pulled down. There was struggling. He was too strong. She couldn’t maneuver her legs with her shorts wrapped around her ankles. Her hands were bound by his hands. She could feel his cock pressed up against her green one piece, try to clear a path inside her. Her memory is blank, but she remembered someone grabbing her braided pony tail and stretching her neck back. She… can’t remember. No. God no. He raped her…

    She struggled to her feet and tracked him through the cave system, catching up just outside the exit. She thought they were alone. She wanted to repay to pain. There was lots of blood. The anger was directed between the man’s legs. She stamped down, harder and harder. The scream echoed through-out the cave. She could have left him, but a bullet between the eyes silenced the screams. She couldn’t take them any longer. How long had she repressed that memory?

    “You remember... I can see it in your eyes. I was only a boy. I waited for my father to return.”

    “Your father raped me…”

    Lara thought that might have counted for something.

    “Good. I would have too. Look at you. You go travelling around the world, dressing how you do. You had it coming. That’s no reason to kill my dad. You wanted it to happen.”

    “Good? Your father was an evil man, and a thief. No man should ever force himself on a wo-ugh-man”

    The man grabbed Lara between the legs.

    “owwww, wh-wh-what are you doing?”

    “I’m my father’s son Lara. I have business with you.”, he said grabbing her hair and yanking her head back, “I’m going to have you. I’m going to fuck you. It’s the only way.”

    He licked her neck and stuck his tongue in her ear. Lara recoiled with disgust.

    “No… I have money, and the artifact. I know where his vault is.”

    The man walked over to the toolbox and pulled out the tape. He cut a section off and sealed Lara’s mouth shut.

    “I like the muffled screams better. It turns me on. That accent of yours. Ooooo… I can’t wait.”

    The electric machine was switched on and an electrical charging sound emanated from it.

    “Time for a little… foreplay!”

    The man grinned and picked up the baton.

    “Hmmm, you do look a little warm.”

    He took out his knife and carefully cut Lara free from her sweater, revealing her grey one piece bodysuit. It was so tight, he could see her abs outlined by the material. Her breasts were rising and falling with each breath. He put the knife down and circled around behind. Reaching around he grabbed a hand full of her bodysuit, squeezing her ample, heaving breasts into her chest, bumping her body up against his. She could feel his cock pressed up against her ass, rubbing the tight material that stretched tightly over her bottom. He massaged her breasts, running one hand down the one piece, down under her tight riding trousers, rubbing the material of the bodysuit between her legs. He flicked a smile upon feeling she wore no underwear. He slipped a finger under the material, running down over her clit and to the opening of her sex. His other arm tightened around Lara's body, restrain her violently jerking body. She squeezed her thighs together, to halt the progress of the intrusion.

    "It seems we need to loosen you up a bit", he whispered into her ear.

    Lara was so small compared to the man. Even with her hanging of the ground, he towered over the top of her. He wasn't particularly muscular, and she reckoned she could take him, if she wasn't bound. She let out another moaning scream and his hand returned from below and cup her breasts again.

    "Lets see what we can do..."

    He released his grip and slapped her firm, toned behind before he ventured over to the equipment he hooked up earlier.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2012