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Tina's Retirement

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Raden, Jun 28, 2012.

  1. Raden

    Raden Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

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    She ran the ropes, the cables pressing on her sides with every pass. Tina Armstrong pushed and trained harder and harder. The only loss in her wrestling career had come to La Mariposa. To add insult to injury, it had been by submission. Tina had no choice. Mariposa had locked on a devastating three-point submission, and her entire upper body had screamed out in pain. She fought hard to free herself, but only served to fall into Mariposa's trap. The hold got tighter, joints and muscles screamed louder. Tina had grit her teeth in pain and rage, and then tapped out her submission, already planning her revenge. She lay on the mat while Mariposa was declared the victor.

    The memory lingered and burned, like an unshakable dream. It pushed her, drove her, motivated her. She had secured her rematch and was absolutely certain the outcome would be different. She fell forward, landing on the mat on her toes and palms, doing a set of pushups. She yearned to avenge this defeat. She entered the DOA tournament when she heard that Mariposa was going to be in it, and she knew, she just knew, that she would be able to face her and defeat her.

    48...49...50. On the 50th pushup, she pushed off the mat hard, jumping back into a standing position, launching herself into a set of jumping jacks.

    So lost in thought was she that she had no ears for the door of the gym, or of the gentle thud of footsteps on the ring mat. She was torn out of her fantasy world and thrust back into reality with a hard clubbing blow to the back of her head and neck, knocking her face down to the mat. She saw stars for a moment, wondering what had just happened. She thought for a moment she had been struck with a pipe or some object, but when she shook her head to clear the building dizziness, she turned over, propped up by her elbow, to see Bayman looming over her. He had no weapon, so she figured he must have just clobbered her with his arm. Damn, that felt so much like a weapon shot...

    "What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

    "Eh, well, you know," he said, nonchalantly, as if in lighthearted conversation. "You're here, I'm here, and I was just asking myself what I was going to do this afternoon... seems like I found my answer." He raised his boot and kicked Tina in the face. The blow to her forehead knocked her out of her propped-up position to her back. "Looks like I've found my entertainment for today. Isn't that silly wrestling stuff all fake?"

    Tina got angry. "There's a difference between pro wrestling on TV and the pro wrestling moves I use in the tournament. In the tournament, I'm in it for real, and I'll show you just how fake this feels!" She was barely off her knees before Bayman had landed a precision punch to her kidney. "Unngawh!" she groaned, arcing to the side. Bayman got behind her and pulled her into a chicken wing, clasping her face and jaw with one hand and her opposite shoulder with the other, and pulled his arms apart, torquing her. "Mmmmngh!!" she yelled out, half muffled by his hand on her jaw. She tried to struggle to free herself, but he began to shake her side to side like a ragdoll. "They say not to shake a baby due to the dangers it causes, so I can only imagine how this feels." The memory of Mariposa's submission hold came back to her, burning more brightly than ever, and she was determined not to do it again. She held out in that chicken wing until Bayman unceremoniously dropped her to the canvas.

    "I have to hand it to you, I'm fairly impressed. That's usually enough to make people cry. You're tough. I like that. It means breaking you will be harder, and so much more rewarding when I do. And it is definitely "when"... but I won't lie, I've studied some wrestling myself. The TV stuff may be all show, but there's a couple really great moves I've picked up that can really mess someone up. Like this one."

    He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her up to her feet. Then he kneed her in the stomach. The wind was forced out of her body and she instinctively doubled over. Bayman wrapped his arms around her waist, and flipped her upwards, then gave a half spin and sent her crashing to the mat at high speed with a gutwrench powerbomb. Her hands went to the back of her head, and had she not done so, her head would have bashed off the canvas, knocking her out, or concussing her. As it was, her torso took the worst of the brunt, the force of her landing being felt throughout her rib cage.

    "Come on" said Bayman. "Surely as a wrestler, you must enjoy being beat on to some degree... I just want to help you with that." He hoisted her up to her feet, then quickly darted behind her. Locking one of her arms behind her, he put his other arm around her neck, then swept her legs, forcing her forward. Her face and chest banged off the canvas, and then he arched backward with a grunt of effort. Tina cried out from the sharp pain in her neck and back. Flexing his muscles, he yanked backward on her hard, damaging joints in her neck and back, and choking her fiercely. He held her in that position for a while. She flailed her free arm a little and tried to kick her legs, but she was helpless. "I'll be glad to end this right now for you" he said. "All you have to do is tap a submission..." he chuckled lightly, but without humour. She refused, and resigned herself to being choked unconscious, but he would have none of that. Releasing the hold on her, she gasped for breath, trying to massage the crick in her neck.

    "You know I could have simply choked you out, but what fun would that be? Oh no, I said I was looking for a good time. Being that you're a wrestler, I hope you're having one too." She clearly wasn't. She was still face down on the canvas. Bayman wrapped his arms around her waist. Giving a burst of exertion, he deadlifted her body off the canvas and spun her around 180 degrees in the air. She came down hard on her back across his knee. She screamed out in fiery agony as discs in her back popped, like one would crack a knuckle joint. "That was a windmill backbreaker... and there's more where that came from."

    "No, no, please, no more, n- aaahh!" she pleaded, and then yelled out in fear of what was to come when he had let her roll off his knee, but caught her before she landed. He deadlifted her body again, and with the same windmill motion, drove her down with another massive backbreaker. Her mouth hung open, but no sound came out. Her body spasmed in pain. She could do nothing to stop him, as he clearly had the strength to pick her up and do whatever he wanted. She could not scream out when she slid off his knee again, only to be windmilled and painfully driven across his knee for the third time. The pain in her spine was so intense, it felt like someone had cut into her and poured molten metal into her. Her arms and fingers twitched in pain, yet amazingly nothing had been actually broken. Damage had certainly been done, though. He held her across his knee for a moment, then let her fall to the mat. She lay on the canvas, shuddering in pain. Then she shrieked once when Bayman stomped down hard on her left leg. He began targeting the knee, laying in kicks and stomps, trying to cripple her. He worked over her knee with kick after kick, attempting to break the joint. Then he leg-barred her with his arms, and yanked backward roughly, popping it out of place. She screamed out in agony as the wet pop of her knee dislocating filled the empty gym, even somehow over her screams. He grabbed hold of her legs, stepped through and crossed her legs over his, then turning her over, he hiked up on her legs, sitting on her back with a sharpshooter. Tears of white-hot pain ran down her face as her damaged knee and back were brutally torqued back. She felt just as embarrassed as she had when Mariposa had submitted her. Mentally, she was breaking down, more due to the reliving of that terrible moment than due to the pain she was in, yet she still refused to submit. Bayman held her in that torturous sharpshooter for what felt like an absolute eternity. Her world was filled only with the worst burning pain she had ever felt. When he finally let her go, she had no idea how much time had actually passed. Her body had got used to that position, and so it was a task itself simply to straighten back into a natural position.

    With Tina still face down, Bayman used another hold he knew to great effectiveness. Laying on the mat, he pulled her body on top of him, then he wrapped his legs around her torso, and his arms around her neck, and reared back on her, quickly taking the wind out of her and locking her in a tight guillotine choke hold. He rolled to his side, where he could arc backward further. Tina gagged and gurgled as all the oxygen was squeezed out of her, with none to replace it. She gamely tried to punch her way out of it, but her blows were long removed from having any kind of real force behind them, and so they bounced harmlessly off him. He could feel her body start to relax as she drifted off to unconsciousness, but he decided he was not quite finished yet, and so he let the choke hold go. He got to his feet and prodded her with his boot, pushing her from her side onto her stomach.

    Bayman put his foot on the back of Tina's damaged knee. He took hold of her ankle and bent her leg up. The damaged joint refused to go past a certain point, so he hauled on her leg. Cartilage cracked, making a sound like celery being crunched. Tina squealed in agony. He pulled her leg up, then viciously stomped down on her knee, breaking it. Tina's screams and sobs echoed through the empty gym, but reached no potential saviour's ears. Bayman sat down, got behind Tina, and pulled her on top of him, laying on his back. He hooked her neck up with his arms, and then arched backward, arcing her backward, and causing pain to rip through her spine and neck. The sudden sharp pain overloaded her nervous system, and she blacked out in the hold. He wrenched her a little longer, and then realized her body was limp in his hold. He relaxed the hold and she laid on her back on top of him, unconscious. Patiently he waited for her to wake up. After a couple minutes, she did, only to find herself immediately hooked into a Dragon Sleeper. He didn't pull back on her neck too much, not wanting to knock her out so fast again, instead opting to squeeze her with a choke. It wasn't like she was going to fight back anyway. Her lungs robbed of breath once again, her weak struggling quickly slackened, and then her arm dropped to her side, unable to hold it up any longer. Relaxing the hold before she passed out, he rolled over, so that now she was face down and he was on top of her. Hooking her damaged leg, he trapped it between his on a nasty angle. Then he clasped his hands around her jaw and her mouth, and pulled back, locking her into a super painful STF. Tina cried in both mental and physical anguish. After suffering in the STF for a few seconds, she did what she had sworn not to do, and she tapped out a submission. This brought a cruel smile to Bayman's lips, and he leaned back further. Her knee, her spine and her neck were all badly injured. She tapped out harder, banging the mat with her hand. "I give, I give!" she screamed, her cry of submission muffled. "I submit!" Tina weakened, and then went limp and blacked out in pain from the hold.

    Bayman held the STF on the unconscious woman a couple moments longer, cinching up on her a little more, savouring holding her beaten body in this position, just to drive home his dominance. He shook her a little bit in the hold. Satisfied she was unconscious, he let her go. Her body slumped to the canvas. Satisfied with having demolished her totally, he left the ring and the gym, leaving her alone in the empty gym.

    Some hours later, she woke up, slowly and groggily. When she tried to move, sharp pain brought her back to the waking world quickly. She tested her knee. Pain flared up and burned to do anything at all with it. She finally realized that the damage done to her knee meant she would never be able to wrestle again, and she would be so lucky if she were ever able to walk. She would not be having her rematch with Mariposa after all, now or in the future. Her shattered knee signaled the end of her career. The submission loss would go unavenged. Realizing this, she cried in the ring in frustration. Leaving this ring in the condition she was in would be the last time she left a wrestling ring, and the emotion poured out of her.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2012
  2. TheCrimsonRisk

    TheCrimsonRisk Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

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    First off, great premise. I like that it was actually a bit misleading in that you suggested a match with La Mariposa might happen so that when the true antagonist showed up it was a surprise. The premise also gives us a character with a goal that we can understand and sympathize with. We like Tina and we want to see her succeed, even though we know what kind of story this is going to be.

    Sneak attacks and underhanded tactics are generally my thing too. Even though it's conceivable that Bayman could take her out in a straight-up fight, I like my heroines to be really strong and it's okay when the bad guy has to cheat to get an advantage. It also makes the antagonist more despicable.

    Good choice of holds, too. The powerbomb and triple windmill backbreakers were well described. It was also essential that Tina play the unwavering heroine, refusing to submit. That's possibly my favourite scenario.

    If I'm to offer criticism it's that there were some clunky moments from the backbreaker paragraph to the end of the STF. Be careful with your run-on sentences involving lots of commas and avoid awkward phrasing (She screamed out in agony as the wet pop of her knee dislocating filled the empty gym, even somehow over her screams.). I know that this was the main ryona section and I can tell that you were writing it quickly and with considerable enthusiasm, so maybe there wasn't as much proof-reading. I can imagine you feverishly typing away with a wicked look on your face >:)

    But yes, the sharpshooter, choke holds and STF were just magnificent. I especially liked this part:

    Her body had got used to that position, and so it was a task itself simply to straighten back into a natural position.

    I can picture her back having been almost permanently rearranged and her stomach and legs slowly falling back to the ground. Mmm...

    The ending struck a chord with me. As you know, I also like to put an emphasis on the psychological effects of a beatdown, as well as the physical. I felt bad about relishing Tina's defeat. That's some decent writing right there.

    Overall, this was one of your best, most simple stories.
     
  3. Seth

    Seth Potential Patron

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    Very well written, with nice descriptions. I like the end very much. Humiliation of the broken character is somethin cool.
     
  4. onlinehero

    onlinehero Swell Supporter

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    I totally agree. The story doesn't need to be very long or different/special, a simple "classic" ryona fiction like this can be much more fun to read, especially since this isn't even so very violent. Great job Raden!
     
  5. Raden

    Raden Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

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    Yeah, it wasn't that violent, she only had her knee destroyed... no big deal :p lmao
     
  6. Seth

    Seth Potential Patron

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    Comparing with most of the stories posted here, I'd say she was lucky.
     
  7. Parasitoro

    Parasitoro Vivacious Visitor Ryonani Teamster

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    Whoa. Girls do not end up well in your stories. Some bonerific stories there. Would you ever write a reverse ryona story?
     
  8. Raden

    Raden Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

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    Probably not but ask TCR maybe, I think he is currently doing one.
     
  9. kirakuya1101

    kirakuya1101 Avid Affiliate

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    That was incredible. Think you can do another Tina ryona story?
     
  10. Raden

    Raden Club Regular Ryonani Teamster

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