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[anotherguttersnipe]

I've always liked the way you write a fight sequence. It feels very fluent from start to finish.

Also liked the pretense of this scenario. The Danger Room seems to be a great way to put x-men in ryona-like situations that they wouldn't otherwise face. (eg: A wrestling match)

 

[TheCrimsonRisk]

I agree with AGS, the description of action is very strong. Nicely done there.

If I might offer one style suggestion, it's that you avoid using ellipsis and double periods too much (".." and "..."). I'm sure it's just a writing tic you have, but if you could clean that up it would help with readability. For me, anyway.

You also made good use of their powers. Psylocke forgetting that she couldn't use her psychic knife was an amusing touch and I enjoyed this line in particular:

"Colossus’s metal body could take ten times what Psylocke could throw at him and barely suffer a scratch"

That emphasized the hopelessness of the situation perfectly.

Might have to steal this Danger Room wrestling premise sometime :p

 

[anotherguttersnipe]

I will say this though. I was unsure whether Colossus was a simulation within the danger room, or if it was actually Colossus being controlled by Emma Frost?

 

[Kargan3033]

Nicely done Ghost13 as always the action is well thought out and has a smooth flow to it, there were a few times I thought to myself now what is Emma decied to use the Big Boy to inflect some sexy humilation on Psylocke while others were watching the fight, not outright rape even though that could happen if Emma was going to full blown evil route, also you seem to have cut out any kind of detailed discription of the pain that Psylocke went through she got an inverted atomic drop to her cunt.

All in all another fine story, well done.

 

[Kargan3033]

Lol some might view my works as sort of "pg-13". What I mean by that is that while I enjoy writing about fighting and some humiliating scenarios, rape and killing are two things I avoid. Nothing against anyone who writes that way, but I personally do not like it.

I appreciate your feedback :) and yeah I notice missing detail when i re-read my stories. Sometimes I want to change stuff but hey I put it down so I should keep it and learn from it.

No problem and you write what you like to write headless of what others like, if they like your story then they like your story, if they don't then they don't, it's nothing to get worked up about, when I write my stories I write them for my enjoyment and if others like my stories then that just icing on the cake. :-)

I like the way you think and that's what I usully do when I'm writing because going back on your stories and re-reading them and seeing where the imporvments can be made is a good and usuful leanring tool.

 

[Viridian]

The Ryona content is great, the characterizations maybe not so much. Betsy and Emma HATE each other, I've got to suspect that if Emma asked Psylocke to partake in a contest like this, its because she rigged the game to take Betsy down a peg... except that Betsy would already suspect that was the purpose of the jig and tell her to go stuff her pampered face full of bloody lemons or some such because there was no way she was going to waist her time doing something Emma asked her to do (hence sustaining their dislike of each other for not really being able to one up the other.) Even with the pretense that Xavier asked for it, that conversation between them is a bit to friendly.

 

[Kargan3033]

The Ryona content is great, the characterizations maybe not so much. Betsy and Emma HATE each other, I've got to suspect that if Emma asked Psylocke to partake in a contest like this, its because she rigged the game to take Betsy down a peg... except that Betsy would already suspect that was the purpose of the jig and tell her to go stuff her pampered face full of bloody lemons or some such because there was no way she was going to waist her time doing something Emma asked her to do (hence sustaining their dislike of each other for not really being able to one up the other.) Even with the pretense that Xavier asked for it, that conversation between them is a bit to friendly.

You make some good points but one could say that Betsy was just playing along in order to figure out what Emma was up to and is planing an *aproret* revenge on Emma, in fact this whole story line could be turned into a game of one upmenship between Betsy and Emma with the rest of the X-men as pawns in their game which leaves open the possabilty that the pawns in their game might be a little more then *annoyed* that they were used as pawns and might play their own *game* on Betsy and Emma.

 

[Viridian]

I guess that could be it :/ but I still say the conversation is to polite. They are not civil with one another really. They exchange cold greetings and cold stares at the best of times, only really 'working together' when there's an active enemy. I stand by my observations. The ryona is good, Ghost's ryona style is well honed, but there's always improvements to be made and where you're dealing with established characters it really helps the story if they feel true. Sometimes the comics get them wrong as well so I know it's nothing new or anything but I still thought I'd point out the part of the story I thought could use improvement.

 

[Kargan3033]

I guess that could be it :/ but I still say the conversation is to polite. They are not civil with one another really. They exchange cold greetings and cold stares at the best of times, only really 'working together' when there's an active enemy. I stand by my observations. The ryona is good, Ghost's ryona style is well honed, but there's always improvements to be made and where you're dealing with established characters it really helps the story if they feel true. Sometimes the comics get them wrong as well so I know it's nothing new or anything but I still thought I'd point out the part of the story I thought could use improvement.

I understand what you are saying and since I really don't know the characters all that well and their cannon relationship to one another I'll have to take it that their cold relationship to one another is normal for them.

 

[Kargan3033]

I did not know that lol! I've fallen out of comics it seems haha.

Don't try reading too much into it, it's an honest mistake. thanks for the heads up and I'll be sure to do more research next time!

I look forward to seeing what you come up with next. :-)

 

[Viridian]

nah don't worry about it. It's like i said, your ryona quality is always very good. I just happen to be a big Psylocke fan and know little details like that. :P the two of them are never pleased to see one another. Betsy knows Emma is an arrogant witch and calls her on it constantly, and Emma hates that Psylocke calls her on her bullcrap.

 

[Kargan3033]

Betsy knows Emma is an arrogant witch and calls her on it constantly, and Emma hates that Psylocke calls her on her bullcrap.

Oh the fun and games to be had because of that or at the very lest one hell of a cat fight :-)