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Vacation fling

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by Jungle Welcomes You, Sep 13, 2014.

  1. Jungle Welcomes You

    Jungle Welcomes You Potential Patron

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    Here's a little dialogue inspired by Iago's "summer top."


    Your family just started it's yearly summer vacation. This year, the family is settling into a cabin at a national park for the week.
    Arriving at your destination, you see another family is moving into the cabin close by, and to your excitement, there's a really cute girl in their family, and she looks to be your age!

    Seeing you as well, she comes by to introduce herself and her family. As it turns out, they vacation at this park every summer, so after the two of you hit it off for a while and start flirting really hard once you find some privacy, she gives you an eager yet hopeful look as she offers to show you around to some of her favorite spots in the park.
    This could be the start of an amazing week!


    Naturally I'd recommend the summer top with this. http://www.sdtmods.com/index.php?topic=5793.0 and I also recommend a town view background like the one posted (which for the life of me I cannot remember which thread I got it from, if it's yours let me know and I'll credit you, it was a big post and there were several of this type from what I can remember)
    Other than that, I suggest happy mood and high throat resistance, nothing fancy needed here, I just took the default dialogue, gutted all the lines from it and built it from scratch like that so any inherent settings will be those of the default, such as the wildcards.

    The dialogue checker gave me 30 minor errors, all of them having to do with the variable insertions, they all worked just fine in testing before the check but were reformatted as suggested nonetheless, the errors still won't go away though so I'm not really sure what it wants now.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

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    I'll explain the issues that the DialogueChecker is reporting.

    Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions.
    Keep in mind that you can place characters in YOU/YOUR/ME/MY variable insertions, like "Hello*, YOU*!".
    Double space on line 4, col 20 near "(...) STOP This (...)"
    Line 4: vigorous:"DON'T STOP *YOU!* This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"
    Stripped Line 4: vigorous:"DON'T STOP This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"

    If the player doesn't have a name set, it will appear as the stripped line, namely "DON'T STOP This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"

    That's a bit silly. The way to fix this is by first fixing the original sentence...

    "DON'T STOP! This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"

    And then adding the substitution back in.

    "DON'T STOP* YOU*! This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"

    Result:

    Normal: "DON'T STOP Bob! This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"
    Stripped: "DON'T STOP! This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"

    Line 5: vigorous:"Harder *YOU!* DO IT HARDER!!!"
    Line 7: vigorous:"I'm a durable girl *YOU,* grab hold of me nice and tight and fuck my throat like it's my primed wet pussy!"

    Same thing.

    Line 10: wake:"*YOU...* I... I think I fainted from that..."

    This one is different, you've forgotten to include the last space.
    wake:"*YOU... *I... I think I fainted from that..."

    (More substitution errors like the ones I explained already)

    Line 31: first_dt:"That was amazing,! Push it all the way down my throat again!"

    This one is different too.
    It's a regular grammatical error: You've forgotten something.

    Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (comma directly before exclamation mark) on line 31, col 26 near "(...) amazing,! (...)"
    Line 31: first_dt:"That was amazing,! Push it all the way down my throat again!"

    I think it should have been "That was amazing*, YOU*! Push it all the way down my throat again!"

    cum_in_mouth:"Wanna see me play with it before I swallow it? [LOOK_UP]%20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 [SWALLOW] all gone, next load please!"

    WHAT.

    %20 is space. If you want it to delay, use Б. It's a character that won't print in SDT.

    Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters, triggers and variable substitutions:
    Space at start of new line on line 96, col 12 near "cum_in_mouth:" Aww (...)"
    Line 96: cum_in_mouth:"[DROOL] Aww man! Well I'm sure I'll be able to handle your massive cumloads sooner or later, I've got the WHOLE WEEK to work cum outta your cock after all!"
    Stripped Line 96: cum_in_mouth:" Aww man! Well I'm sure I'll be able to handle your massive cumloads sooner or later, I've got the WHOLE WEEK to work cum outta your cock after all!"

    Triggers aren't displayed to the user, so what you've done here is that she starts drooling, and then the sentence starts with a space at the front.
    You can just remove the space between [DROOL] and "Aww man!", like you do on the next sentence.

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 101, col 140. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 101: cum_on_face:"Do I look cute with cum hanging off my lips? %0AI bet I'd look even cuter with even MORE cum on my face, if you catch my drift : p"

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 102, col 93. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 102: cum_on_face:"Having your cum sprawled all over me is all I need to know I've done a good job : D <3"

    Syntax - Minor: Found a probable illegal colon on line 105, col 63. Replace colons in dialogue lines with %3A.
    Line 105: cum_on_face:"The cum lets me know you're enjoying my handywork : ) <3"

    Smilies are a major turn off for me ("you're enjoying my handywork, colon right-hand parenthesis less than three") But anyway. It should be pretty obvious what these say: replace ":" with "%3A" (and don't do that with find and replace, you'll regret it).

    If you need help, feel free to contact me via PM.

    A writing tip: Write your dialogue in notepad (or notepad++, see syntax highlighter in my signature). Sort the lines in an order that makes sense to you ("intro, general, first_dt, vigorous, pull_off, wake, cum_, restart, finishes" would be a nice order for instance). Split each line category with a blank line (line 2 intro, line 3 intro, line 4 empty, line 5 general...). If you make your dialogue more readable it's easier to write a bigger dialogue (less "okay, and then this line goes... uh...").

    Lastly, pull your dialogue through a spell checker. It might not be very easy to do so (you'll have to ignore all the comments about "first_dt" not being a word), but it'll pay off. For instance, "toungue" should be "tongue", "pysically" should be "physically", "testacles" should be "testicles" (and even then I wonder whether you shouldn't just use balls), "ajourn" should be "adjourn"... You can find many more. And these I just found by looking at your dialogue in Chrome.
     
  3. Jungle Welcomes You

    Jungle Welcomes You Potential Patron

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    Grammar and spelling problems fixed with v2, my writing skills have certainly degraded since high school... :'(
     
  4. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

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    I don't blame you. SDT's native dialogue editor is really crappy. The font in particular just doesn't show you certain characters very well.

    Here's the fix for the substitutions.

    dialogue_name:"Vacation fling"

    all:"CLEAR"
    vigorous:"DON'T STOP* YOU*! This sexy week-long session will be over before you know it!"
    vigorous:"Harder* YOU*! DO IT HARDER!!!"
    vigorous:"I bet you like making my perky tits bounce every time you thrust down my soft little throat, don'tcha* YOU*?"
    vigorous:"I'm a durable girl* YOU*, grab hold of me nice and tight and fuck my throat like it's my primed wet pussy!"
    vigorous:"[ANGRY_MOOD]I would hope you could fuck my throat a lot harder than THAT*, YOU*.[HAPPY_MOOD]"
    vigorous:"[LOOK_UP]Watching the pleasure on your face and making you cum using my throat is UNBELIEVABLY fucking hot..."
    wake:"*YOU... *I... I think I fainted from that..."
    wake:"*YOU... *that was too much, I... I think I passed out!"
    pull_off:"...there's just something about a proud, erect cock at my lips that makes me want to fuck it as hard as physically possible..."
    pull_off:"A hard cock to suck is all I've wanted to make these vacations any fun, taking your pulsating cock between my lips is a dream come true!"
    pull_off:"An erection THIS powerful is sure to last for more than *FINISHES* cumloads, let's see just how much I can milk out of you!"
    pull_off:"Are you going to cum from this* YOU*? Am I throating you hard enough?"
    pull_off:"Do you like my tongue massaging the underside of your cock every time you thrust it deep down my throat*, YOU*?"
    pull_off:"I'm having sooo much fun sucking your cock* YOU*, I just wish this vacation would go on forever!"
    pull_off:"It's so WARM compared to my dildo! And it tickles too whenever it quivers and pulsates in my throat!"
    pull_off:"Ohhh... FUCK yes* YOU*, make me salivate all over your cock... let me coat it with my lipstick as you slide it down my throat effortlessly...."
    pull_off:"Slide this cock down my throat as much as you want* YOU*, vacations are for letting loose! Having fun!"
    pull_off:"What an incredibly strong and proud erection* YOU*... I'm so jazzed I get to suck on it and play with it all week!"
    pull_off:"What does it feel like down my throat? Is the sensation like fucking a pussy? I guess we can find out later once I can fit your cock properly!"
    pull_off:"Would you like me to take my boobs out? This cleavage is cute and all, but nothing beats a pair of perky boobies bouncing about!"
    pull_off:"You like filling my throat up with hard cock* YOU*?"
    resistance:"Force it in a bit...[COUGH] just a bit more every time, I don't want to lose momentum on the way down!"
    resistance:"I'm gonna swallow your whole cock eventually* YOU*, just you watch!"
    resistance:"It's so...[COUGH] big*, YOU*, it's like from my porn..."
    resistance:"My gag ref...[COUGH]flexes will go away, and then I'll suck your cock as deep and hard as I can!"
    resistance:"Oh my gosh... your head fills my entire mouth up..."
    first_dt:"*YOU, *your entire cock just went down my throat... I wanna swallow your cock for lunch EVERY DAY this week!"
    first_dt:"That was amazing*, YOU*! Push it all the way down my throat again!"
    first_dt:"That was it! That was your ENTIRE cock down my throat! I've never been so fucking EXCITED!!! Now I'm going to fucking pleasure your huge cock until I get you to CUM!!!"
    first_throat:"W...[COUGH][COUGH] oh my...[COUGH][COUGH][COUGH] my throat, you just pushed it into my throat for the FIRST TIME... it was so EXILERATING! KEEP DOING IT! PUSH IT EVEN FURTHER* YOU*!"
    first_throat:"Yes! we're getting somewhere! Ohmygosh this is so HOT and so much fun!"
    cough:"-achf"
    cough:"-ack"
    cough:"-ackph"
    cough:"-aghck"
    cough:"-agph"
    restart:"Don't stop at *FINISHES** YOU*! Your testicles still look so swollen with cum!"
    restart:"I think I want you to take my virginity this week, the problem is to get you to fit you'd need an entire night of slowly prodding my swollen pussy for hours on end..."
    restart:"Put your cock right back down my throat again whenever you're ready for another orgasm* YOU*!"
    restart:"So I'm the volunteer lifeguard at the pool tomorrow, I lock up at 5, but you should come and stay afterhours to help me out of my bikini, and let me saddle your cock with my pussylips in the hot tub before we adjourn to take a nice hot shower together. I'll have condoms just in case we get too hot to hold back..."
    restart:"Your family is going down to the lake today right? We should %22hike%22 over to my uncle's empty lakehouse, you can lie on the bed and toy with my tight pink pussy while I throatfuck this thick cock for a mutual climax!"
    intro6:"This is DEFINITELY what I've dreamt of! I'm FINALLY getting the chance to suck on a nice big cock and have an entire week full of hot and sexy fun!"
    intro3:"I'm 19 and going off to college! [ANGRY_MOOD]And they [TAP_HANDS]STILL treat me like such a little kid!!...[HAPPY_MOOD][intro4]"
    hand_job_stroke:"*YOU *you're so big I'm getting a workout just by stroking you from tip to base! I'll just tell my parents I was doing some archery ; p"
    hand_job_stroke:"Can I take a pic of your cock on my phone? NONE of my girlfriends will believe me about this without at least one lipstick covered dick pic!"
    hand_job_stroke:"Do you like my boobs? Wanna drop a load of cum on them and ride them for a nice titfuck?"
    hand_job_stroke:"From what my girlfriends and I have read, talking dirty and playing with your head while giving a great handjob is supposed to be the ULTIMATE foreplay for guys..."
    hand_job_stroke:"Have any pointers for a girl whose never masturbated a cock before? The practice dildo at home gives me no feedback."
    hand_job_stroke:"I guess I hadn't realized how stiff and rigid a hard cock would be! My dildo isn't NEARLY this hard!"
    hand_job_stroke:"I may not have any experience with sex, but I love watching porn and dreaming about what to do in sexy fantasy scenarios...like this one, in fact!"
    hand_job_stroke:"I remember we used to practice giving handjobs to dildos at slumber parties. And to think I would never actually give any... well, up until now that is!"
    hand_job_stroke:"I'll keep sucking you in a bit, I just wanna marvel at this superbly satisfying cock I get to milk and play with all week long!"
    hand_job_stroke:"I'm gonna study to be a physical therapist in college, so really I'm just practicing by giving your cock a nice, stimulating massage!"
    hand_job_stroke:"I'm sorta infamous for making lots of cute noises when my pussy gets toyed with, as you'll soon find out... my girlfriends like to gang up on me when things get kinky at slumber parties, I usually end up soaking a towel with my face buried in a pillow!"
    hand_job_stroke:"Isn't this just relaxing? Servicing your cock with full, tender strokes has an almost theraputic quality to it..."
    hand_job_stroke:"My friends say I have great hands, and since I enjoy giving massages with them, you can expect some quality handjobs from me this week!"
    hand_job_stroke:"My pussy is getting SO fucking wet doing this!%0AShe thinks she can fit you, but I think she's a little too tight without some nice preparatory masturbation first..."
    hand_job_stroke:"Your buldging cock feels so warm in my hands!"
    hand_job_stroke:"Your cock is so HARD* YOU*! And it's so thick my soft hands can't even wrap all the way around it"
    cum_in_nose:"[SHOCK]...PAH...[COUGH][WINCE][ADD_TEARS][TAP_HANDS][CLENCH_TEETH] %0AThere was just...[CLOSE_EYES][SWALLOW][OPEN_EYES][LOOK_DOWN] nowhere else for it all to go..."
    intro4:"...but, anyway... I've fantasized for years about meeting a guy on vacation to give my first blowjob ever to, and to hook up with all week long! A true summer fling, all sexy and everything![intro5]"
    intro:"So... I know we won't ever see each other again once this week is over...[intro2]"
    interrupt:"-!"
    interrupt:"-ghch!"
    interrupt:"-ghmph!"
    interrupt:"-mmb!"
    interrupt:"-mmbh!"
    interrupt:"-mmbh!"
    interrupt:"-mmn!"
    interrupt:"-mnh!"
    interrupt:"-mph!"
    interrupt:"-mphh!"
    interrupt:"-ng!"
    interrupt:"-nngh!"
    swallow:"It's so warm going down! %0ANice and smooth too, I could get used to this!"
    swallow:"[AHEGAO_MOOD]You like when I get all hot and bothered swallowing your cum* YOU*?[SWALLOW] You like how I make it all hot and sexy like that?[HAPPY_MOOD]"
    swallow:"mmmMMMmmm... yummy!"
    cum_in_eye:"AH...! %20 %20 %20 %0AShoulda known better, considering YOUR cumloads..."
    cum_in_eye:"Oh jeez! %20 %20 %20 %0AWell...lesson learned!"
    cum_in_throat:"It's kinda cute hearing it all sloshing around in my tummy, but it's also SUPER fucking kinky knowing that innocent little sound is actually your CUM inside me!"
    cum_in_throat:"NOW we're getting kinky! Cum straight down my throat again,%20and I will let you poke and prod my asshole when we crawl under the blankets at the drive-in theater movie night!"
    cum_in_throat:"The raw, sexual act of shoving your HUGE cock down my throat and shooting a load DEEP inside me is the reason I wanna just knock you over and absolutely FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT."
    cum_in_throat:"WOAH... that was so ultra kinky I hadn't even THOUGHT of it! I've never seen it in any porn! Not that I watch the real kinky stuff..."
    held:"...that made me pretty dizzy... %0AI feel weird about it though... I think I might have actually liked it!"
    held:"It's such a rush when you make me hold you in and gargle your cock..."
    held:"You can hold me down for a bit if it feels good, just remember I can't breathe when you're completely down my throat!"
    held:"You should cum straight into my tummy next time you hold me in, I bet that would feel all crazy! But sooo hot at the same time..."
    cum_in_mouth:"I didn't think cum was gonna taste terribly good, but it isn't too bad actually! Keep these fresh cumloads coming and I could see myself really enjoying swallowing them by week's end!"
    cum_in_mouth:"I'm going to have DREAMS of you pumping my mouth full of thick, hot cumloads. SO FUCKING HOT!"
    cum_in_mouth:"Should I swallow or should I let it dribble down onto my perky breasts? There's enough for both I think... [DROOL][DROOL][DROOL]%20[SWALLOW]"
    cum_in_mouth:"The force of your cumshot penetrated all the way back down my throat! I probably would have gagged and thrown up if deepthroating your cock hadn't dulled the reflex!"
    cum_in_mouth:"Wanna see me play with it before I swallow it? [LOOK_UP]%20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 %20 [SWALLOW] all gone, next load please!"
    cum_in_mouth:"[DROOL]Aww man! Well I'm sure I'll be able to handle your massive cumloads sooner or later, I've got the WHOLE WEEK to work cum outta your cock after all!"
    cum_in_mouth:"[DROOL]It's nearly impossible to contain your massive cumloads* YOU*... But hey, why would I want to anyway? This cum looks adorable all over my tits!"
    cum_in_mouth:"[SWALLOW]mmm... More please! Don't forget I skipped lunch to do this, so fill me up!"
    cum_on_face:"*YOU *you came so much! If you promise to cum some more for me, I promise to keep sucking!"
    cum_on_face:"Being covered in this warm cum only serves to make me want to suck you even more! Faster! HARDER!"
    cum_on_face:"Do I look cute with cum hanging off my lips? %0AI bet I'd look even cuter with even MORE cum on my face, if you catch my drift : p"
    cum_on_face:"Having your cum sprawled all over me is all I need to know I've done a good job : D <3"
    cum_on_face:"I had no idea cum was so nice and warm and gooey! My new goal is to suck AT LEAST one creamy facial out of you EVERY DAY this week!"
    cum_on_face:"Soft as my boobs are, they'll be even SOFTER after I massage all of this warm, thick cum into them..."
    cum_on_face:"The cum lets me know you're enjoying my handywork : ) <3"
    cum_on_face:"These creamy facials are so much fun* YOU*! I hope you have lots more cum for me to lick up and play with!"
    pre_cum:"Can I suck until you cum*, YOU*? That way it's like a delightful and messy surprise!"
    pre_cum:"Come on*, YOU*! Give me a load of sweet sticky cum to work with!"
    pre_cum:"Cum anywhere you want* YOU*! I'll have you cumming again and again all week!"
    pre_cum:"Cum to your heart's delight* YOU*! I know you've got LOTS more... <3"
    pre_cum:"Let me have your cum, please* YOU*? I wanna play with it while I milk your cock some more!"
    pre_cum:"Ok* YOU*, time to cum for your cute little summer fling!"
    pre_cum:"Sucking this nice big cock of yours is the fun part, getting the cum is just %22icing on the cake!%22"
    intro2:"But... Ya' know... %0AI think you're REALLY hot... and my parents would NEVER let me go off alone with boys like this back home![intro3]"
    lick_balls:"Do you think this would increase how much cum you can produce* YOU*?"
    intro5:"Now I'm here with you and... your penis is... like... bigger than my dildo back at home... and I'm SUPER excited and REALLY horny just from sitting on my knees, getting ready to suck on it![intro6]"
    lick_penis:"It's so cute when I lick your head all playfully, and then when I swirl it all around in my mouth with my toungue! I LOVE being a naughty girl* YOU*!"
    lick_penis:"Playing with your head... it's so sweet and innocent! Well, compared to the sensation of your hard cock forcing its way deep down my throat, anyway..."
    lick_penis:"You like how I just toy with your head on my tongue* YOU*?"
    lick_penis:"[DROOL]I can't stop thinking of how close you are to taking my throat when I tease your cock like this! Don't hold back* YOU*!"

    finish:"CLEAR"
    finish1:"once"
    finish2:"twice"
    finish3:"three times"
    finish4:"four times"
    finish5:"five times"
    finish6:"six times"
    finish7:"seven times"
    finish8:"eight times"
    finish9:"nine times"
    finish10:"ten times"
    finishOther:"that many times"