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Rough Deepthroat | Work In Progress

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by testing, Jun 17, 2012.

  1. testing

    testing Potential Patron

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    Story:
    Girl can't pay rent. She's facefucked and everything is videotaped.

    I am planning to add more lines.

    New version.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. CaveCarson

    CaveCarson Potential Patron

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    I'm liking it. Keep it going!
     
  3. astounded

    astounded Avid Affiliate

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    Keep going with this. You have a lot great lines and set a good scene. Also good to see someone use the Thought lines so we have some mental action when her mouth is otherwise engaged ;)

    Suggestion: A few more intro lines to set the stage.

    Thanks!
     
  4. testing

    testing Potential Patron

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    Problem with intro lines is that they are not said... As soon as the guy grabbed her head, he switched to headgrabbed lines.

    And how to make it so people can download the .txt file instead of copy-paste?
     
  5. astounded

    astounded Avid Affiliate

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    Looks like you figured out how to get a .txt download (upload a txt file).

    For getting the intro right, cheat off of another dialogue e.g. "Bad Girl".

    If you are running into the problem of converting from intro into action mode while in Automatic mode, me too!
     
  6. blumisb

    blumisb Potential Patron

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    Hi!

    I found some grammatical mistakes and some logical (example: general4 doesnt exist) and other minor mistakes. Like a missing "t" in a next paragraph, so following would not be displayed.

    I know it´s not final, but some overlooking would certainly help :)

    Nice dialogue, keep going :)