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*PETAL CONTEST* -Data Thieves-

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Giafuremu, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. Giafuremu

    Giafuremu Vivacious Visitor

    Feb 15, 2011
    Likes Received:
    Summary: Lang and Hui infiltrate a huge unnamed corporation to steal sensitive data but they find that they weren't the only ones who were after it.

    Author's Note: I'm not too sure what to think of it. It feels way to short, but I didn't want to make it longer than I did for various reasons. Whether you enjoyed it or not, please leave criticisms (if you're going to say you liked it or didn't like it, please leave a "why" and not something nebulous). I didn't know who or what to put in, so I just picked a character that I felt could ostensibly fit in the idea of what Petals do.

    Please enjoy the story.

    Lang and Hui had infiltrated a complex facility with strange happenings known to happen inside. Even though it looked like a normal hospital of sorts from the outside, it was, in reality, a laboratory experimenting on humans. The sisters quietly moved from room to room without attracting attention, avoiding patrolling security guards and watchful cameras. They found a room labelled “SECURITY” and moved to pick the lock.

    “I’ll keep watch, you handle the lock,” Hui said.

    Lang nodded and pulled a hairpin from her hair and began picking. It went without a hitch and the two girls found themselves in the room shortly. They walked slowly, but even as careful as they were, the clicks of their heels were heard by the security guard.

    “What the?” the female guard swiveled in her chair and saw the pair of sisters holding swords to her neck.

    Lang held a finger to her lips, telling the guard to be quiet.

    “Where’s the data center?” Hui asked.

    The female guard tried to surreptitiously reach for an alarm button but was pulled away by Lang and pinned to a wall.

    “We can’t let you do that,” Lang said, “Tell us where the data center is.”

    “It’s down the hall, first right, then second left.”

    “Thank you,” Lang smiled as she put away her sword. The guard almost let out a small sigh of relief when Lang grabbed her, pinned her to the ground. Lang wrapped her leg around the guard’s neck preventing her from speaking or even breathing.

    The guard gasped and tried to breathe, but it was no use. Lang’s grip was too strong. She tried to struggle, but Lang simply adjusted her body slightly, snapping the guard’s neck.

    Lang stood up and looked at her sister, “Are you ready?”

    “Let’s go,” Hui responded.

    The two sisters exited the security room, closing and locking the door behind them. They stealthily moved through the halls of the corporation taking care to avoid any security cameras and guards they came across.

    “Remember, we can’t get caught. If we make any noise, they’ll be converging on our location within seconds,” Lang reminded her sister, “We’re almost at the data center, we’ll find what we came to steal there.”

    They came across a room that was unmistakably their destination. They could hear the whirring of several expensive computers coming from the room.

    “Lang, look.”

    Lang looked at the door Hui was pointing at. It was already unlocked and cracked open. She narrowed her eyes, “Did someone else beat us to it? Hui, open the door slowly.”

    “Understood,” Hui nodded and began to nudge the door open slowly. The sight inside was disturbing, even for the trained Petals.

    Three corpses were strewn in the room, pools of blood welling from wounds seemingly caused from blunt trauma. Further inside was an armored figure standing next to a computer. Hui could barely get a view at the monitor which had a window indicating a file transfer. Hui gasped quietly, but not quietly enough that she wasn’t heard.

    The figure looked over its shoulder and saw Hui. It didn’t turn around completely while Lang followed after Hui, closing the door to the data center.

    “Who are you? Identify yourself!” Hui demanded, reaching for her sword.

    The two sisters quickly took every detail of this armored man in. He was covered from the torso down in the highest military grade combat armor on the market, but he did not wear anything resembling a helmet. Instead it was a mask shaped like a rooster. The figure pulled a flash drive from the computer and pocketed it, then pulled out a different drive and inserting it into the computer. Shortly after plugging in the second drive, the man slowly turned toward the sisters.

    “W-Who is this guy?”

    “I don’t know… but…” Lang answered, “There have been rumors of a man who wore a rooster mask when he destroyed an entire Russian mafia group by himself.”

    “By himself? Is that even possible?” Hui asked.

    “They either finished with him having been killed in a nuclear blast or having joined a group of big time robbers.”

    “But those are just rumors… right?” Hui asked.

    The two sisters felt a chill down their spine as he slowly turned to them. Before either of the girls could speak, a click sound came from the man’s hand.

    “I am sorry. This stall is occupied. Please check another stall,” the female machine voice emanated from a tape recorder held in the man’s hand.

    “Are you insulting us?” Lang snarled, angry that the man was unwilling to speak by himself and instead used an outdated piece of technology.

    In response, another click from the tape recorder immediately followed by a rewinding noise. The tape recorder clicked again, “Please do not disturb the audience in the Quiet Zone.”

    The computer behind the man sputtered and the screen turned black. The man looked over his shoulder at the computer and pulled the flash drive from it before pocketing that one as well.

    “What? Did he put destroy the backup data?” gasped Hui.

    “It seems like we’ll have to deal with competition today…” Lang murmured, “We weren’t told that there might be someone else after the data.”

    The tape recorder rewound again before saying, “Please be advised. The following presentation is not intended for minors.”

    Lang and Hui readied their swords and dashed at the man from different directions. Before they got close enough, he pulled a pistol equipped with a suppressor from his belt and fired two shots, immediately discouraging the Petals from rushing in rashly. They barely managed to dodge the bullets. He placed the tape recorder on his belt and reached onto another pouch on his belt, near his pistol holster.

    Hui and Lang looked at each other and nodded, slowly increasing their distance from each other, making it harder for the man to track them both at once. Hui and Lang tried dashing at the man again, this time trying to hit him from two different sides. He fired two shots toward Lang, missing both of them.

    “Gah,” Lang couldn’t continue her approach. She saw Hui had been closing from another side. Lang smiled, “It’s over.”

    Hui thrust the sword at the man, but before the sword even got close, he pulled a carpenter’s hammer from his pouch and knocked the blade away, throwing Hui off balance. Before Hui could recover her footing, the man quickly aimed at the stunned Petal and fired another two bullets, one hitting her sword arm’s shoulder, the other grazing Hui’s cheek.

    “Hui!” Lang shouted as Hui’s sword clattered to the ground.

    “I-I’m fine!” Hui gasped, clutching the wound. It was clear that she would no longer be able to use her sword arm the way she was.

    Lang growled and charged the man again, “How dare you hurt my sister!”

    The man turned toward Lang and tried to ready his weapon but opted to step back and dodge the downward sword strike. He dropped his pistol and pulled his hand into a fist before driving it into Lang’s stomach. Lang coughed violently and dropped her own sword. Before she could recover he pulled his fist back and punched Lang again.

    “Lang!” Hui yelled out toward her sister, trying to regain her balance through the pain of being shot.

    “H-How… my armor…” Lang could barely believe the strength this man had. A single punched knocked the wind out of her. It took all of Lang’s strength to remain standing when the man rammed a knee into her stomach, knocking her down and away.

    The man picked up his pistol before kicking away Lang’s sword. He clicked the safety on his gun and holstered it. After putting away his firearm, he pulled the hammer from his left hand and walked slowly toward the weakened Lang with the hammer in hand.

    “Get away from my sister!” Hui screamed charging at the man.

    He turned toward Hui. The movement was clumsy and even with both of her arms; Hui’s sword movement was sloppy. She didn’t even come close to hitting the man, but was punished for her transgression by the hammer’s head smashing her gunshot wound. Hui shrieked in pain, dropping her sword and attempting to comfort her bloody shoulder.

    “Lang… Get out of here!” Hui tried to step away from the masked man and pulled out her pistol. She pointed it at the man and fired three shots. Two hit the man’s chest, the third squarely in the man’s forehead. He flinched from the bullets, but didn’t fall or show much damage beyond that. He shook his head, causing the bullet to fall from the mask and then he dusted his chest, causing the bullets to fall from his armor.

    A voice from a loudspeaker echoed in the room, “Gunfire detected in Section D. Security personnel, please investigate.”

    He slowly approached Hui who fired a few more shots that failed to halt his advance. His armor blocked the bullets from the standard issue handguns that the Petals had been equipped with. He grabbed Hui by the neck and struck her in the stomach with his knee. She doubled over, coughing violently, trying to stay as upright as possible. The man raised his hammer slowly as Hui tried to look at what he was doing. A sickening crack echoed in the room as the man smashed the hammer into Hui’s skull and she fell to the ground without making another sound.

    “H-Hui…” Lang looked at her fallen sister’s lifeless eyes, terrified. She could see a small amount of blood trickle from the wound inflicted by the hammer. The man turned around toward Lang and looked down at her, “N-No…”

    She pushed herself away as much as she could before pushing herself into a wall. Lang’s eyes welled up with tears of terror as the man slowly approached her, stopping short of a few feet.

    Lang could barely make out a voice transmission coming from the rooster mask, “We just finished up here. Meet us at the escape.”

    The man pulled the tape recorder from his belt and rewound it again. He held it toward Lang and pressed another button.

    “Do you know what time it is?”

    Lang couldn’t say a word as she saw the man raise the hammer.

    Added a little exposition, increased the overall length. I'm still not entirely content with it, but I do like it a lot more now.
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2016
    Kargan3033, dinomoneyman and NNin like this.
  2. NNin

    NNin Swell Supporter Ryonani Teamster

    Dec 1, 2010
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    It seem short. But a good scene of zako life.
    Seeing your avatar, you like heavy armored fighter, Giafuremu?
  3. Giafuremu

    Giafuremu Vivacious Visitor

    Feb 15, 2011
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    My picks for characters in games are always "what I like best". In MMOs, I enjoy tanking, so I often pick the fattest classes possible.

    I'm going to rewrite this story. It'll be the same format and story more or less, but I'll add more to it and make it longer.
  4. dinomoneyman

    dinomoneyman Avid Affiliate

    Aug 23, 2014
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    Petals vs. Jacket. Interesting and not what I expected. Pretty good.
  5. dinomoneyman

    dinomoneyman Avid Affiliate

    Aug 23, 2014
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    You might win this by default since nobody else seems to be posting any of these. I would, but I'm a really bad writer who just writes because I find it fun. My story would suck is basically what I am saying, lol.
  6. TheQuietAuthor

    TheQuietAuthor Vivacious Visitor Ryonani Teamster

    Jul 30, 2013
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    Well....in actual sense the contest is ongoing somewhat. There seems to be several fics coming along the way as well.

    So in essence, the contest isn't really over since we did not place a deadline. Please do not assume too easily and give up. Just give it a try alright?