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My First Dialogue - Captured Angel

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by FreakyGuy, Aug 30, 2012.

  1. FreakyGuy

    FreakyGuy Potential Patron

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    This is my first dialogue. In the past, I have tweaked other dialogues to match a scenario, but this is the first one I have actually written, though it was inspired by a few others.
    Now, I haven't used all of the new dialogue functionality but I have incorporated Him and Thought. I tried to add enough of each style/category to avoid being repetitive.
    I've been test running this dialogue for over a week now, to make sure each line behaves as it should. If I have missed any, please let me know!
    Constructive Criticism is not only appreciated, but requested!

    I recommend using Faceless's Angel wings, found in Archive #2 at
    http://superdeepthroat.ryonani.com/index.php?topic=767.0
    Thank you, Faceless, for making them, and AaRL for pointing me at the link!

    Disclaimer: If you're super religious and offended by this... umm... go somewhere else.

    Scene:
    You have used some extremely dark magic to summon and capture an Angel straight from Heaven. As long as she is in your dungeon, she is as weak as a human, and shielded from the Heavenly Host. In other words, you can do whatever you want with her.

    Suggested Character code:
    charName:Angel;mood:Normal;bodyScale:1;arms:back;throatResist:50;hair:sdchan,1,1;iris:normal,56,100,137,1;breasts:70;skin:light;nose:normal;lipstick:1,0,0,0,0;eyeshadow:55,26,99,1;sclera:255,255,255,1;blush:196,80,77,0.35;mascara:0,0,0,1,20;nailpolish:0,0,0,0;eyebrow:89,67,51,1,0,0,0,1;hairhsl:0,1,1,1;skinhsl:0,1,1,1;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;bg:2;hisSkin:0;hisPenis:0,1,1;balls:1,1;hisTop:shirt,238,242,245,1;hisBottoms:slacks,27,29,29,1;hisFootwear:loafers,0,0,0,1;collar:leather,0,0,0,1,255,255,255,1;cuffs:leather,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;gag:none,0,0,0,1;panties:briefs,255,255,255,1;top:bra,255,255,255,1;armwear:none,0,0,0,1;bottoms:skirt,255,255,255,1,255,255,255,1;tops:tshirt,255,255,255,1;legwear:kneehigh,255,255,255,0.8,255,255,255,0.8;footwear:none,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1;eyewear:none,0,0,0,1;headwear:none,0,0,0,1,90,81,71,1;tonguePiercing:none,183,187,195,1
     

    Attached Files:

  2. AaRL

    AaRL Swell Supporter

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    Angel Wings: http://superdeepthroat.ryonani.com/index.php?topic=767.0

    In Faceless' archive #2. Just make sure to link to his thread and state that it is his work. Requires Loader to work...

    Also, your character code is a bit odd. If this is indeed a captured angel, why would she be dressed all in black? Unless that has to do with your whole dark magic summon thing... Your skin tone/color is spot on. Nice touch there.

    As for your dialogue, its fairly good. Though you should add more emotions through out it.

    Check this thread out for some tips. Its fairly up to date: http://superdeepthroat.ryonani.com/index.php?topic=1640.0

    Also arm movement as well. Many of your lines would be presented if you had her arms behind her back or on his legs. She would come across more submissive or pleading in some cases. In other lines, wont give them away,she would seem to be in a 'better mood than angry' so consider that if you plan to revamp it.
     
  3. FreakyGuy

    FreakyGuy Potential Patron

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    Thanks for the tips, AaRL! Arm movements will probably make it into this dialogue. But, I wanted a usable version and only wanted to troubleshoot so much! If people like the dialogue itself, I'll work on making it more dynamic in the future.
    Character code was a goof. Should be fixed now.
     
  4. Kyro

    Kyro Casual Client

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    You sick B******! God will forsake you!


    Nah, just kidding(couldn't resist lol). Sounds and looks interesting. I could tell that it was a angel that has been summoned by a human and the angel acted somewhat like a angel might, so it is as ''scene'' described it. So good job! I will be keeping my eye on this. >.>
     
  5. AaRL

    AaRL Swell Supporter

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    Another tip... Id learn to actually type out the dialogue in Notepad or Wordpad. A few times in the past, Ive used the in game editor and for no good reason, it crashes thus losing all unsaved dialogue.
     
  6. Jeff

    Jeff Vivacious Visitor

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    You'll probably find it looks more organized and so is easier to debug if each line starts with a linebreak as well, at least, if you use notepad or another text editor instead of the built-in dialogue editor, which I tend to because the in-game one does freeze up and lose all my changes sometimes.
     
  7. FreakyGuy

    FreakyGuy Potential Patron

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    I wrote this using Apple's built in text editor. Never even touched the in game editor.
     
  8. hornychief

    hornychief Potential Patron

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    Fucking awesome!
     
  9. Omnomimous

    Omnomimous Potential Patron

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    Standardised breaks and spacing. I think I've fixed the attachment button, too...
     

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  10. Pim_gd

    Pim_gd Swell Supporter

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    Fixed style errors ({"Style": instead of {"style": )
    Fixed a couple lines not loading
    Fixed a typo (maybe two, not sure)
     

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  11. Sknaht

    Sknaht Avid Affiliate

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  12. Mona

    Mona Potential Patron

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    if iam super religious how can i be playing this ?
     
  13. icepik

    icepik Avid Affiliate

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    You're not forced to play with this dialogue. I am religious and this game is for everyone :)
     
  14. Mona

    Mona Potential Patron

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    well actully i ment how can u be religious and play this stuff any way ?
     
  15. icepik

    icepik Avid Affiliate

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    I said religious, not pious.