MilfCest Dialogue Tuneup? (1 Viewer)

[nighttime]

Hello. First request. Sorry if breaking any rules. Also One that can be solved without anyone's help most likely but I wanted to give someone a chance because someone out there is definitely %100 a lot better than me at editing and tuning up dialogues and may enjoy it.

Request: fix my milf/incest dialogue? I've written a fair amount of lines and added them in specific order yet its sloppy as hell and could use a tune up. Requesting someone test drive it, and make it so each 'general' line doesn't continue right away after the next but pauses. Also anything else you may find or basically desire to change. I'm open to suggestions.

Fetishes included: Incest;Milf; semi-bimbo; wedgies; spanking; hardcore

 

[tmb]

Hello nighttime, I had a look at your dialogue and I'll try to help you fix it.
I recommend you the following resources to help you with dialogue writing: @Pim_gd 's DialogueChercker and @Slingerbult 's Comprehensive Dialogue Guide.

DialogueChecker found 25 major issues in your dialogue. Such issues usually break something in dialogues. There were also 2 minor issues but they are punctuation or grammar related and won't break anything.

Spoiler

Dialogue was checked in 453 ms with v3.07 of the DialogueChecker.

I found 27 issue(s) with your dialogue, of which 0 were severe, 25 were major issues, and 2 were minor issues.



Variables - Major: Unused variable ("vas") in initial_settings line, linenumber 3, col 18, near "initial_settings:{"vas":false}".

Line 3: initial_settings:{"vas":false}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: swallow) on line 7 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 7: vigorous:"Awesome! Mom you're finally getting the FACE-RAPE you've needed for SO long. "{"style":"Him","next":"swallow"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 10 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 10: vigorous:"He shoved it down my throat! My son is, like, using me like a FUCKTOY!"{"style":"Thought","next":"held"}



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("Tehe") in a variable insertion (*Tehe*) on line 23, col 138, near "(...) *Tehe* (...)".

Line 23: lick_penis:"I know a game we can play! What farm animal am I most like Sweetie? Tell me and I'll act & sound like it until you cum again. *Tehe* "



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("Sigh") in a variable insertion (*Sigh*) on line 30, col 72, near "(...)UP][BLINK][WINCE][SHOCK][BLINK][LOOK_UP]*Sigh* (...)".

Line 30: general:"*FINISHES*[DROOL][LOOK_UP][BLINK][WINCE][SHOCK][BLINK][LOOK_UP]*Sigh* A bet's a bet. I'm a Stupid. Bimbo. Whore. "{"next":"lick_penis"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 32 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 32: general:"Baby, you're so hard. Did my HUGE TITS and stupid face do this?"{"next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 33 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 33: general:"Can I make this any more enjoyable Sweetie? "{"next":"held"}



Grammar - Minor: The following issue was found after stripping the line of delay characters and triggers:

Space before period for new line on line 39, col 40 near "(...) moan . I (...)"

Line 39: general:"I like when you scream and moan [SHOCK][WINCE][BLINK][LOOK_UP]. I think I'll chase you with a BRANDING IRON later. [SHOCK]"{"style":"Him","next":"hand_job_stroke"}

Stripped Line 39: general:"I like when you scream and moan . I think I'll chase you with a BRANDING IRON later. "{"style":"Him","next":"hand_job_stroke"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 40 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 40: general:"I[ADD_TEARS]'m twice your age Sweetie, but I'm starting to get addicted to your cum!"{"next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 41 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 41: general:"I[LOOK_UP][SHOCK]'m your silly, fat-assed, mom Honey. Anything you want you can have or do. "{"next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: swallow) on line 46 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 46: general:"STOP CUMMING! Where did my boy get THIS much cum?! He keeps pounding my throat! "{"style":"Thought","next":"swallow"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: lick_balls) on line 47 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 47: general:"Ugh - This is worse than his prank vidoes of me getting spanked & soaked! "{"style":"Thought","next":"lick_balls"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 49 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 49: general:"Want something to eat while you pound my throat Baby? "{"next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 51 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 51: general:"Yeah Baby. Look at my big toshy & huge tits while you use me as your cum rag. I won't fight. Fuck my face Sweetie! "{"next":"held"}



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("slurp") in a variable insertion (*slurp*) on line 55, col 11, near "interrupt:"*slurp*"".

Line 55: interrupt:"*slurp*"



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("ugch") in a variable insertion (*ugch*) on line 56, col 11, near "interrupt:"*ugch*"".

Line 56: interrupt:"*ugch*"



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("Ucch") in a variable insertion (*Ucch*) on line 58, col 12, near "interrupt:"-*Ucch*"".

Line 58: interrupt:"-*Ucch*"



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("gurgle") in a variable insertion (*gurgle*) on line 63, col 40, near "(...) *gurgle* (...)".

Line 63: cum_on_face:"Eck! -You ruined my makeup *gurgle* It's in my nose!...ug I can't see..."{"next":"cum_on_face"}



Grammar - Minor: Grammatical error (double sentence ending: !.) on line 69, col 96 near "(...) MOTHER!.""

Line 69: pull_off:"Oh. Myghd! [SHOCK][BLINK][LOOK_UP]Am I just - like - a Fap toy to you? I'm your MOTHER!."



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: swallow) on line 73 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 73: cum_in_mouth:"I'm bored of you. A few more loads down your gut and then you're gonna make me a sandwich slut. "{"style":"Him","next":"swallow"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 74 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 74: cum_in_mouth:"You're boring mom. Where's your tight-ass daughter? she could use a good Tea-Bagging. HA!"{"style":"Him","next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: head_grabbed) on line 76 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 76: intro:"EXCUSE ME young man?! Just because I have HUGE milk bags and a fat ass... I am still your Mother and I will have your respect! "{"next":"head_grabbed"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: head_grabbed) on line 77 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 77: intro:"I'll wear whatever you want Sweetie. I'm yours to play with. "{"next":"head_grabbed"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 83 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 83: resistance:"I'm your master now BITCH.[SHOCK] Worship this cock and like it. "{"style":"Him","next":"held"}



Line Usage - Major: The next line-attribute (value: held) on line 84 refers to a non-existing line.

Line 84: resistance:"If you don't swallow my whole cock, I'm going to shove your panties down your throat instead and SPANK your fat ass. SUCK slut! "{"style":"Him","next":"held"}



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("ack") in a variable insertion (*ack*) on line 86, col 15, near "cum_in_throat:"*ack* (...)".

Line 86: cum_in_throat:"*ack* *GASP*![SHOCK][WINCE][BLINK][LOOK_UP] you put so much baby-batter in my belly Sweetie. I'm so full.."{"next":"pull_off"}



Variables - Major: Undeclared variable ("GASP") in a variable insertion (*GASP*) on line 86, col 21, near "(...) *GASP*![SHOCK][WINCE][BLINK][LOOK_UP] (...)".

Line 86: cum_in_throat:"*ack* *GASP*![SHOCK][WINCE][BLINK][LOOK_UP] you put so much baby-batter in my belly Sweetie. I'm so full.."{"next":"pull_off"}



Once you've fixed these issues, try letting me look your dialogue over again. Maybe I'll find something new.

The errors can be put in the following categories

1. you define the vas variable in the initial_settings line but you don't use it in your dialogue
   
2. you're calling a next line type that is not a custom line type but a trigger
3. you're using the star symbol "*" in your dialogue

First fix is easy

initial_settings:{}

For point 2, look inside the "Lines, Triggers, Conditions and Variables" section, especially about the "Next" conditions... part, LINE TYPES and TRIGGERS spoilers inside the Comprehensive Dialogue Guide.
To make it short, line types is what you see in front of a line (eg. intro), while triggers are actions the dialogue writer can call from inside a line (eg. ARMS_BACK), and the next attribute can be used to call your next custom line (eg. intro_2).

intro:"Be nice!"{"style":"Him","next":"intro_2"}
intro_2:"Yes master![ARMS_BACK]"

Last one is tricky: SDT uses the * character to make variables substitution in the dialogues.
For instance, the following dialogue will echo "Hello, I'm your slave for 6 hours"

initial_settings:{"status":"slave","num_hours":6}
intro:Hello, I'm your *status* for *num_hours* hours"

To use the star character in your dialogues, you'll have to make a variable out of it. The following will echo "*slurp*"

initial_settings:{"star":"%2A"}
interrupt:"*star*slurp*star*"

Please, note that there can be only one initial_settings per dialogue file.