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Good girl - In public bathroom

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by astounded, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. astounded

    astounded Avid Affiliate

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    Thanks for the feedback on 'Good girl." I've created a specific scenario for the same sick relationship dynamic from that dialog. This is darker and harsher than my first dialog but still not as twisted as "Bad girl" which I haven't taken the time to polish and upload yet.

    Scene: Male and female in what is most certainly an unhealthy relationship. He is sadistic and domineering. She is masochistic and completely dependent on him. In this scene he has taken her out on the town. *YOU* feel like a break and so pull her into a public toilet for some quick relief.

    To do: Figure out a decent way to use the "Finishes" feature.

    Suggestions:
    Have her arms start on legs. His at side. "Harder" mode seems to fit the scene.
    http://imagezilla.net/thumbs/84631Public_Washroom_2_tn.png

    [Modified - Took out a couple harsher moments]
     

    Attached Files:

  2. zzaapp002

    zzaapp002 Club Regular

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  3. Shybear

    Shybear Potential Patron

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    Well made. Simply an improvment on the normal Good Girl one in my opinion. I'm curious what the harsher moments were, the whole thing seemed pretty tame and similar to Good Girl. I think you're being too critical on yourself removing lines before there's even any complaint or mention of them. But i like the rougher ones personally so it saddens me to hear you're cutting stuff out :-[

    Keep up the good work tho
     
  4. SuzieBrave

    SuzieBrave Avid Affiliate

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    I second that. The nastier, the better.
    Seems to be a general problem of this board (and the internet for that matter) that "the line" is not very well-defined. People seem overly cautious. I myself am not aware of any laws in any country regarding forced sex / rape in comic/literature/fiction and such. But i wouldnt feel comfortable posting such things here cuz people might be offended and smite me.
     
  5. astounded

    astounded Avid Affiliate

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    "I second that. The nastier, the better.
    Seems to be a general problem of this board (and the internet for that matter) that "the line" is not very well-defined. People seem overly cautious. I myself am not aware of any laws in any country regarding forced sex / rape in comic/literature/fiction and such. But i wouldnt feel comfortable posting such things here cuz people might be offended and smite me.
    "

    Well said. I do feel like the line is not clear and I admit to being quite audience-responsive and conservative in what I share.

    After spending some time on the my first two scenes I'm thinking that the first one I wrote, "Bad girl" is too... basic and linear. I'll take a second look.

    In the mean time, I'd appreciate others digging up their inner demons and contributing their work along the rougher vein. Outside of the excellent "Stockholm girl", I feel alone in this category.