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DOA5: Bad Luck Kokoro

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by Relampagos, Jan 2, 2013.

?

Who shall my next story be on?

  1. Kasumi

    17 vote(s)
    53.1%
  2. Ayane

    2 vote(s)
    6.3%
  3. Hitomi

    9 vote(s)
    28.1%
  4. Leifang

    4 vote(s)
    12.5%
  1. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

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    Cherry blossoms swirled in the wind, dancing in the courtyard. The brilliant blue sky was devoid of dark clouds and the sun gently warmed the air. Beautiful trees and green-leaved plants swayed slightly in the pleasant breeze. Kokoro wandered through the magnificent, large garden next to her house, lost in the beauty. Each sight was more pleasant than the last. She took a seat on a wooden bench and gazed up at a tall tree. Kokoro lifted her half-kimono slightly to examine her wounds from her painful encounter with Christie and Rig. Lifting one's garments in public was considered disgraceful, but she was in the private of her own residence. All the bruises on her belly, chest and legs had faded, as had the several on her face. Her crotch still throbbed occasionally, but that was fading as well.


    Thinking about her injuries reminded her of Helena. Where had she gone? It was strange; Helena seemed to have disappeared one day in the middle of the night, without telling anyone where she was going. Just then, a servant rushed down the gravel path towards Kokoro. Blushing, she quickly lowered her kimono and stood, facing the servant.

    "Miss Kokoro, we just found this on the ground outside of Lady Helena's room," informed the servant, holding folded piece of paper. "It seems she left a note for you, but it was swept out the window by the wind."

    Kokoro nodded her thanks and dismissed the servant, sitting back down again to read the note. In it, Helena wrote how she decided to hide in the Kimasaki Hotel, and then to the Ogato Hotel instead of Kokoro's house to avoid drawing danger to her. Relieved, Kokoro let out the air she'd been holding in her lungs. While grateful for Helena's consideration for Kokoro's safety, she ruefully thought about how Christie and Rig had pounded her anyways. Whatever, it was all in the past anyways. Kokoro took another glance around the stunning garden.

    A hard knock to the gate interrupted the peace. Kokoro got to her feet to answer the door.

    "Just a second!" she called as she neared the door. When Kokoro opened the gate, she was met with a surprise. It was Helena! But what really made her jaw drop was Helena's appearance. Her usually luxuriously beautiful hair was a mess. Her eyes did not shine as they usually did. Additionally, she had dark bags under her eyes, indicating a lack of sleep.

    "Helena... what happened to you?" asked Kokoro, concerned. "Please come in, there's a shortcut in the garden to the house..."

    Helena replied by dragging Kokoro out of the garden and into the brick-tiled courtyard. Helena's eyes blazed with rage.

    "What's the matter?" Kokoro questioned worriedly.

    "You ratted me out's the matter."

    "Wh-OOOF!"

    Helena hadn't waited for Kokoro's response. Instead, she hopped forward on one foot and drove a fist from below into Kokoro's recently healed belly, doubling her over. The surprised girl staggered back, holding her stomach. Without missing a beat, Helena whipped out her raised foot and swept Kokoro's feet out from under her, making her use her hands to support herself as she staggered back.

    "I really didn't, I promise!" pleaded Kokoro desperately. "I only just saw the note today."

    "There's nothing I hate more than a rat," snarled Helena, "than a liar."

    Crouching, Helena wind-milled her extended arms in a circle, both catching Kokoro in the chin, jerking her head backwards. Kokoro grunted slightly as the blows connected. The next thing she felt was Helena's boot in her face.


    "KYAAGH!" Kokoro screamed. The vicious kick had lifted her clear off the ground. Helena grinned. She spun around a drove a palm strike and then a hammer punch into her airborne target, getting a pained cry from Kokoro. Seeing that Kokoro was losing altitude, Helena finished the combo with a brutal jump kick to the head.

    "ACK!"

    The force of the blow launched the suffering girl in a lopsided backwards somersault before crashing unceremoniously to the hard ground. Kokoro's landed with a hard thud, the breath driven out of her. On the ground, Kokoro tried to shake the dizziness from her head, attempting to get back to her feet with the help of her hands. Instead, a hard stomp pinned her back down onto the ground. Kokoro's arms and legs collapsed from under her, flailing, and her back arched at a painful angle with the stomp.

    "How much did you tell them?" interrogated Helena. "Did you tell them about the Ogata Hotel as well as the Kimasaki Hotel? I don't want five assassins waiting for me there too."

    "I didn't..." wheezed Kokoro, struggling to her knees. Helena lifted her foot off of the girl. "Tell...anyone...anyth-HUGHK!"

    Helena silenced her with a sharp kick to Kokoro's cheek, whipping her head to one side, gasping. A red mark appeared on Kokoro's face.

    "No more bull. I already know you told them about Kimasaki. I had to fight off a group of masked men with weapons," revealed an angry Helena. "Now did you or did you not tell Christie about Ogato?"

    "Please...believe me..." begged Kokoro, raising her gaze, tears of frustration and pain pooling at the corners.

    WHAP!


    Helena kicked Kokoro across the face again with the same foot, this time on the other cheek, knocking her into a tree. The branches shook, and leaves fluttered down. The enraged blonde dragged Kokoro to her feet by her black hair, making Kokoro yelp in pain, which abruptly changed into a shriek as a foot was planted deep into her chest. Kokoro's eyes flew open as air rushed out between her open lips. As Kokoro staggered back, Helena leapt forward and rapidly sent three whirling wind-milling arms into Kokoro's chin, swinging a hard boot up into Kokoro's pussy at the same time.


    "GAHK...unhhhh..." groaned Kokoro, pained expressions on her face, as she tried to bend forward and clutch her crotch. Where were all the servants? Kokoro desperately willed for some to come and help her. Helena didn't let her rub the pain out of her pussy, instead lunging forward and catching Kokoro in the chest with a brutal palm strike, making the girl scream in agony as a rib cracked. The force of the blow propelled Kokoro straight through a gong and into the stone wall, head first, as the beaten girl collided into the hard bricks with a sickening SPLAT!



    Helena strolled up to the barely moving girl. Kokoro had her head in her hands and was curled up in a ball, knees to her chest, flopping around in pain. Her eyes were squeezed together tightly. She was vulnerable. And Helena was very good with dealing with vulnerable targets. Helena punished her with a few hard kicks to the ribs. Crimson liquid spilled out of one corner of her mouth as Kokoro gasped for air.

    Helena could see that Kokoro couldn't take much more a pounding, but she still wanted to punish her more. Helena sat down on the feeble girl and slapped her victim hard left and right, whipping Kokoro's head to the side each time.

    Fwack!


    Whap!


    Smack!


    Kokoro's beautiful eyes widened with each of the first few stinging slaps to her face, but as the slaps continued, her eyes drooped, and her vision faded to black. She'd been slapped unconscious.


    Helena thrusted a knife-hand into Kokoro's crotch to check on her condition, but her unresponsive victim didn't react to the blow. Kokoro's young face was peaceful. Seeing that she was out cold, Helena reached into the backpack she'd brought and set to work.

    When Kokoro's eyelids finally fluttered open again, the world was upside down. It couldn't be! Groggily, Kokoro rubbed her eyes again. As she regained her senses, she realized the she was dangling from a tree branch, her left ankle tied to it with a strong rope. A slight breeze sent chills down her spine. After slapping her out consciousness, Helena had stripped her too, leaving her just with her bra and panties! Those showed signs of having been played with too. The white strip of cloth that bound her breasts had been loosened slightly, a telltale sign that Helena had groped her while she was out cold. Kokoro's anxiety grew at the predicament she was in. Beaten, stripped, and tied upside-down to a tree in a place she didn't know, Kokoro broke down, tears streaming down her face. Christie and Rig had tried to beat her into giving information on Helena's location even thoug she had no idea about it, and then Helena had returned to punish Kokoro for her seemingly traitorous behavior, not giving the unfortunate girl a chance to explain herself. Kokoro screamed an agonized scream of desperation and pain.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2015
  2. onlinehero

    onlinehero Swell Supporter

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    Nice one! I just have difficulties imagining Helena as a bad guy though :)
    Poll is pretty fun idea too.
     
  3. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

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    Thanks onlinehero!

    Poll ends on the 8th. Get voting!

    I'm not getting a lot of feedback and I've been told its the lurkers, but please, help me help you and give me suggestions on how to improve, so I can write better stories for you and myself.
     
  4. Seth

    Seth Potential Patron

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    Good job. Lei Fang is still my fav Doa girl, but you did good work with Kokoro as well.
     
  5. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

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    Lei fang hm? I'll keep that in mind... Kekekekeke.... I used to like Lei fang a lot in doa4 but in doa5 when she cries out she sounds like a dying goat
     
  6. Seth

    Seth Potential Patron

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    Didn't play 5th part, so I can't say anything about it, but I always found Lei Fang hottest Doa girl.
    Btw. you could use costume change idea from Dead or Alive: Paradise in the next parts.
     
  7. onlinehero

    onlinehero Swell Supporter

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    Maybe you could read some stories that others have posted and see what kind of things you enjoy in them? I don't really know much about fiction writing so hard to say what to improve... all that comes to my mind is changing the plot to something more simplier and to more resemble something that could happen in the game (universe). For example in DOA4 story (don't remember whether it's Leifang's or Bass') Bass comes angry out of threater throwing people to walls and stuff, and Leifang tries to stop him/teach that bully a lesson. I think you could get some ryona story out of that for example.

    After 5:00
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 18, 2015
  8. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

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    Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try that

    Kasumi it is. Although, someone else just did one and what I had in my head was kinda like that... So... Tell me what I should do
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2013
  9. wilhitewarrior

    wilhitewarrior Vivacious Visitor

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    I'm sorry! No reason you can't do your own version though
     
  10. Relampagos

    Relampagos Potential Patron

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    Haha it's fine. I just don't want to overuse her is all, since I suppose the Kasumi wave's appetite has been sated with your story :)
     
  11. wilhitewarrior

    wilhitewarrior Vivacious Visitor

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    well kasi is one of those characters that will always be hot tho imo :D