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Daddy's Girl

Discussion in 'Dialogue' started by h-star-r, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    So here is a dialogue I've been working on for a while. I will admit that I did borrow a few lines from other scripts. Please feel free to modify and post for all to share.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. TetsuyaHikari

    TetsuyaHikari Avid Affiliate

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    Hmmm..a small suggestion here, but do you think you could rename it? Dialogue3 is rather, well..it doesn't really tell us what it's about. Granted, we'll know what it's about anyway by coming to the thread, but sometimes I download dialogues from here and don't actually try them out until later..

    Opening my folder and seeing, "Dialogue3" would make me go, "Wait..wtf is this about?", haha. I know we can rename it ourselves and whatnot. In my opinion, it's just better to have the txt use a name that's related to the situation for it.
     
  3. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    Done and done
     
  4. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    If someone was kind enough, I think this would make a great audio mod.
     
  5. warhawk47

    warhawk47 Potential Patron

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    You have 2 : next to eachother in the general section, thats only grammar mistake i spotted.
    Otherwise, It seems like your going for a really sexy loli/incest theme and im 100% on board. My only issue is with some of the terminology. She is constantly using large words, VERY innapropriot words. Idk, just things that seem out of place. "Put your dick in my ass and then let me taste it" im peraphrasing. Just unrealistic.
    Wonderful theme though, loving the work. Maybe a little MORE though? So its reusable.
     
  6. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    I was tailoring to my tastes so there's that. Thanks for the input feel free to make changes and repost I'd appreicate it.
     
  7. TetsuyaHikari

    TetsuyaHikari Avid Affiliate

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    I think I understand what you're saying here. I had to focus on toning such words down when writing my runaway girl dialogue, haha. This is why I usually used the word, "penis" instead of, "cock" because it was more suitable. I also didn't want her talking so filthy since that would be out of character for her. The character's personality is something to always keep in mind when writing a dialogue.

    You don't want a little girl using words she obviously wouldn't be familiar with or talking in a manner which seems out of character (for example, an innocent girl saying, "fuck me with your cock now!"). Other than that, I'd say the dialogue itself is above average. Keep it up.
     
  8. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    Point taken, I've made some changes and I'll repost once I'm happy with it. Thanks for the thoughts.
     
  9. Final

    Final Avid Affiliate

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    Please tell me your nick stands for Homestar Runner. Also, daddy's li'l girl, courtesy of volty.
     
  10. voltlight

    voltlight Avid Affiliate

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    INFAMOUS, BUTCHER, ANGEL OF DEATH
     
  11. h-star-r

    h-star-r Potential Patron

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    That it does