Saw your thread with the other dialogues. This is the first one I try. I always have to thank for sharing them.
I see there are already two reviews before mine, probably both pointed out the dialogue needs "DialogueActions" (or at least for me, that´s needed to display the buttons) and maybe should be mentioned on the resource´s description. That´s all I have to say on the Technical level. I´m pretty sure I didn´t find any typos. I do find interesting how the dialogues are written, how some lines redirect to "general 1, 2, 3... etc." which creates a solid flow and it´s neat to see.
On the theme: Leaving aside other stuff. I find a division between the Dialogue´s title, and the lines themselves. The title (while considering the word game in it) depicts the commitment she has, yet I only found three lines where she focuses on her main objective. The rest of them she complains about many situations.
Specially, the line "I think I´m starting to regret my decision to become a model" goes fundamentally against the title itsel (In an attempt to keep it, it could be played last, when she achives her objective, but regrets doing so, probably something more elaborate than what I suggest)
About the lines... I like them. They appear well written and, as stated above, have flow. At first glance I thought you only mentioned "Paris" which was going to say it sounded vague and that a model could buy a ticket there without problem; but then I read "Fashion Week" and the objective had more body. I would really encourage to make a more tangible goal for her: To describe how she imagines being on a more stablished place than a "Paris fashion show" (Italy is also a good candidate)
Actually, describing how important is modeling for a certain collection of a designer (Could be fictional) sounds very concrete and reinforces her career pursuit in against the complains.
Probably, my favorite line is "It's no wonder I hardly ever see any of my fellow models smile. This is revolting" That´s a line the dimensionates the environment she lives in. How much it affects the sorroundings prior to the dialoguea, and gives information about her. A dialogue where he compares her with other models goes on the same category.
Actually his lines describe him very well. I think it you did very well portraying him via how he speaks and how she speaks about him, as a crude man, with very bad manners, greedy, prurient, that absolutely nobody will want to be close to. On the other hand. She is depicted a a flat model because how she behaves goes back and forth and does not evolve properly. Maybe describing how this situation compares to the instants of glamour of being in center stage wearing a $15,000 dress and similar lines could help. Also to give her body weight and how she feels physically (After all, she IS a model, and her body is really important. In fact, even though the chair has a backrest, being in that position, sitting up straight, with someone being that close, giving you so little free space to move, gives you back ache pretty quickly) That feel of the body could be more diverse.
I´ll look forward to check all the other dialogues you have created. in the meantime I thank you for sharing your dialogue and I hope my words can be of ussage.
